to be considering joining the armed forces?

[quietusmouse]

Have namechanged, as DH knows my usual nickname.

I am looking for some honest replies as to whether I am being totally unreasonable here.

I have always liked the idea of joining the armed forces. Not in a combat position as such, but one that suits me, like a press officer or similar. But essentially, an officer.

DH and I have recently moved countries, with 30 month old DD. I cannot work in this country until I get residency, so am a SAHM for teh time being. DH has a stable university job. I used to work for a university back in the UK, and have a PhD in communication studies.

I have been looking at job adverts for this country's armed services and have found a few that I seem to suit well once I become a resident and after training. When I mentioned it to DH, he actually laughed out loud at the thought of me ever being part of the forces. His contention is, I am too old to start a new career (I am 30), too unfit (which is probably true), selfish for wanting to embark on a career which will take me away for long periods of time (the training period, and it's a big country and I could be posted anywhere), we had no immediate family support locally (in-laws live a 2 hour flight away, my mum in a different country) and that he would not be able to cope without me and I was being silly and trying to recapture my youth. He said he could support me in any other career change I wanted to make, but not this one. He also said I would be putting a serious strain on the marriage if I was thinking about doing such a thing.

I am horribly torn now. Do I pursue my dream and go ahead and apply for the forces job? Or look for a more suitable university job, which will keep me close to home and family.

Am I being completely unreasonable to even think about it, let alone go against DH's opinion and apply?

Do want to die for your country>?

*you

Not my country yet, and I am unlikely to die in the job I will apply for, but if those are the risks and I am willing to take them, IYSWIM!

I am not doing it because I am rah rah patriotic or anything, its been my dream for a long long time, and something I have always wanted to do. I see it as a job, like any other.

Well, I would be having a great deal of conversation with DH about how much it means to you.
He brings up some valid issues but not ones that couldn't be explored and potentially solved.
A dream is worth pursuing or at the very least, exploring all avenues until you have exhausted your options.
Laughing at your dream is not constructive, supportive or fair however.

Not unreasonable to consider anything that you think would make you happy.

Hmm.

You can't just apply and think he will comply and understand.

It's not a normal job even if you aren't on the front line-dh did 13 yrs,he came out a changed man and one,dealing with civvy street.

Talk lots with your DH.

It's a total change of life.

Yanbu.....

What will you do about dc tho? Would you expect the family to move round with you?

It's not a bad way of life either

Oh, and start your fitness training right now...... Won't do you any harm, and will show him you're serious!

I would like to talk to him about it, but the first time I brought it up, he laughed before listing all the reasons... and now refuses to discuss it.

I know its not a normal job, my dad was in the army, so I have seen parts of the job first hand.

I just want DH to at least consider the possibility, instead of having dismissed it outright. Its not as if I cannot get a civilian job, but probably for the first and only time, me wanting to do something that I have wanted to do.

ThreeBlondeBoys, I have joined the local football team, which raised a few eyebrows. I swim fairly regularly and rock climb and cycle a lot, but its not been a routine as such.

Maybe its time to get that gym membership.

Well I suggest you seek out some armed forces advisors.

Tough one for you.He could be jelaous because you've chosen a career in the armed forces,makes him feel small or he could be scared of losing you due to war or to do with the forces.

Get some advice and talk lots.

Wish you well.

I spent 6 years in the Army (UK). It was a fantastic experience I loved it and would recommend it to anyone. I am married to a serving soldier and we have 3 DC.

I don't feel it is unreasonable for a woman to do what nobody would even give a second though to a man doing.

I think you really have to think if you could in reality leave your kids and husband for long periods of time. I knew I could never leave the children and for me thats why I left when I was pregnant but I miss it hugely.

I don't know what country you are in and I would advise you to look at there terms of service carefully. Check out the lengths of an possible deployments. How long you are tied into serve for and information on Quarters schools etc.

Its not something I could do but I have any female friends who are mothers and are still in the Army so it certainly can be done.

Good luck

Thanks Poshwellies, didn't think of that. There are local recruiters, maybe I'll pop along for a chat.

Just wish I didn't feel so torn about it now though.

goingdownhill, cross posted with you. Thanks for that advice too. I posted on here because I knew I would get impartial advice on this situation.

My mum would be horrified if she knew what I was thinking of doing, and so would the ILs, so really had no one to sound this out with but DH.

I would add..

My dh did 13 years,travelled all over the world etc.

He found it very difficult in civvy street,fully trained RAF engineer ,he started on 13k (after being on 18k for years as a corp)..

anyway..

Look at this site first. It's aimed at young people thinking of joining up but it seems a bit more balanced than the army site itself.

This bit was interesting, I thought:

The recruitment booklets, websites and DVDs give the impression that everyone in the armed forces is happy but this is not true. There are more satisfied than dissatisfied people in the armed forces but they tend to be less satisfied than civilians.
Whether you loved or hated being in the armed forces could depend on:
The sort of person you are
What the people around you were like
The sort of job you did in the forces (there are many)
How well you were supported by your family and friends
What you wanted to get out of the forces
Whether or not you went in with your eyes open, which means understanding the pros and cons before you sign up!

Good luck! I do think it's a fantastic career opportunity, if it's for you, but you do need to be sure and look at all the information you can find.

Thanks for that BertieBotts, I will check it out now.