to wish i had more help or concern from my mother

[piratecat]

My dd and I live in a different country to my mum.

Recently my dd has been very ill. In 6 weeks my mother has phoned me twice about it.

I just put up with it i guess, as i know form past exp she cares but in her 'own way'.

I haven't had a break from dd for 6 weeks. Mum is over, staying with her dh in their other home.

I have an appt at the hosp with dd on monday, and it's along way to drive. IABU to hope she'd come with us, NOT ask for me to drop her off in the city centre so she can go shopping?

AIBU to wonder why, today she is currently sitting in a pub having lunch when she promised she'd come here and look after dd so i can go food shopping. By the time she gets here, i know i'll have little time to do the shoping before she has to go and collect her dh, cos she's the one with the car.

grrr, why do i ever think she will ever be more helpful.

Some mums are liek this. Yanbu, I dread to think of me and my dd ever having this kind of relationship. My parents live the other side of the country. We went to stay for a few days last summer and my mother actually huffed when I asked if she would look after my youngest for an afternoon. She had nothing planned but watching TV, and has never done a practical thing to help in the 6 years I've been a single parent . I certainly won't be inconveniencing her by asking again.

Worth noting though, that she has a terrible relationship with her own mother. The women in my family are just crazy

I'd rather a don't do much mum than no mum at all

YANBU

I dont think it's at all unreasonable to expect a little bit of help and support from your own Mother. Maybe she doesn't realise how stressful this all is for you, perhaps you could try talking to her about it again?

YANBU to hope your mother would help you out a bit more. BUT, you have to consider what is reasonable to expect from your particular mother, and from what you have said, that seems to amount to not very much.

If I were you I would drop any hope of help/support from your mother and invest some time and energy in making friends who will be helpful and supportive when you need them to be (provided of course you are the same when they need you).

My mother, for the whole of my life, was about as useful and helpful and supportive as a chocolate teapot. I now don't see her at all as i do not have time or energy to waste on somebody who takes from me but does not give anything back, even if that person is my own mother.

why are they like this. even my stepdad syas he doesn't get it, why she is like this. we all know she loves me and dd but she's such a lazy woman.

i never ask for anything, she doesn't live here, so can't anyway! Yet despite over the lst few yrs me saying jopkingly and once quite seriously why don't you ever ring she just seems to wangle herslef out of it, and goes' oh i know, i am pretty crap aren't i, i'll try harder'

WHY, do you have to 'try'??

a good friend of mine recently said that of her own mum 'i know i am not going to get any support emotionally form my mum about.... so the best thing is not to expect any.

it IS about what you know your own particular mum will be like i guess.

i am so tired recently and fed up with dd's condition, that this just upset me today. I thought dd was going to be able to go to school but we had to come back cos of the pain.

me and mum get on so so well in so many ways, but she's very odd whenit comes to things like this. that makes it hard for me to understand.