to ask - how do people who don't live together split their bills?

[Ladyanonymous]

OH and I don't live together. He is in the forces so its unlikely to happen any time soon as my children and I have a life and are very settled where we are and I have a career.

I have 3 DCs from two relationships as does he - so we have 6 kids between us.

He earns a lot more than me which is irrelevant really but is careful with his money is some respects but spends a lot more than me on clothes, gadgets etc.

He pays minimal accomodation charges where he is and only council tax, he doesn't pay for gas and electric but I think mainly eats shit takeaways when he is at his.

So when he is here is isn't saving money apart from I guess on food.

I rarely eat out and always cook as money is really really tight. I have a massive mortgage and I have gas and electric meters (so I guess am more aware of how much I use/spend in that area).

He stays here every weekend and goes sort of half on food and booze etc but nothing else. When he has stayed here with his kids when I have been away he has brought his own food but not put any money on the meters etc.

Potentially we have all the kids here for two weeks in the summer and I am anxious about money as when he is here with his kids it does end up costing me more (in running costs of my house) than when I am here on my own with my kids.

AIBU or petty to be anxious and what do others do in the same situation and how do you broach the subject as I am very proud when it comes to money and hate discussing it usually!).

Please be honest.

You aren't being petty if you can't afford it.. He probably doens't even think about these things as he doesn't have to. Let him know you struggle when they stay and could he help out a bit..

Know exactly how you feel. Have been in this position myself and I also hate admiting I can't afford it.

But you do have to bite the bullet otherwise resentment builds up. Just ask if he could put some money in the meter to help as the cost has gone up noticably and you're a bit short at the moment.
It probably hasn't even occurred to him as he doesn't pay these bills ordinarily and probably has no idea what the cost is.
Point out that it is a bit of a struggle now and so you are worried about the holidays, and that you'll be using considerably extra for hot water, washing machine etc when his kids are there.

I'm sure he'll understand. But yeah it is hard to admit that you are struggling to get by, completely get that part of it

when he and his kids come to stay with you, he should abslutely be paying for food.......no doubt about that whatsoever, whether it's for 2 nights or 2 weeks. I think if it's just him, then asking him to pay towards gas and electric for the 2 days he's there is possibly a bit OTT unless you think he's using an excessive amount? He should definitely pay half for the utilities when his kids are staying for a fortnight though.

Does he know how tight things are for you financially? Maybe he just doesn't realise how much you struggle to make ends meet and would be very happy to pay up if you speak to him about it?

So you don't have any kids together? If thats the case, i wouldn't expect him to pay anything other than helping towards food/drink costs when he's there (and the kids too of course). Sorry.

Thanks ladies -