To expect to speak to the person caring for my DD before she stays there?

[Vallhala]

Or get the host's address and phone number prior to DD staying there overnight? Or, worse still, thank them?

Because 15yo DD1 tells me that "everyone else's mums" trust their daughters when they say they are going on a sleepover at a new friend's house and nobody else's mum calls the host's mum, not even to get an address/landline number (which DD didn't know) or to thank that maths teacher mum for offering DD not just a sleepover but private tuition too.

Apparently this is not needed with 15yos. Very uncool.

So, I thought, I know. The wise MN-ers are "everyone else's mums". Lets see what they have to say to my DD.

I only have small pre teen people but as 15 is still classed as a child think I would still prefer to have a phone no just in case

Gosh butterfly, atm I think that if she (and DD2) went to boarding school I'd be the lucky one!

So that's 100% on my favour so far.

Ha, DD1, told you so!

Don't have one of that age yet but will in about 13 years!

BUT, when I was a hideous snotty lovely, polite 15 year old, I had to write a list of all my friends mum and dad's names and their phone numbers (days before mobiles!) so that if I went AWOL my mum and dad wanted to get in touch with me / friends parents, they had all the numbers to hand.

Seemed to work (I dont remember kicking off about that too much! )

My DD2 (16) usually has the sleepovers at our house (as it's big). She's had sleepovers for years, and no parent has ever rung up to speak to me beforehand.

However, when she is sleeping over somewhere else, then I do ask for the full address and landline no.

Any 15yo making a fuss is probably up to something - get those details!!!

I will phone hosts of any future sleepovers (I've got another 10 years though).

This is because at that age, or a little older maybe, my friends and I used the fact that our mums always took our word for it, (although they did all know each other) and never phoned to check, to be out until all hours, running around with god knows who and drinking god knows what before crashing at the friend whose-parents-didn't-give-a-damn's house.

Nowt better than poacher turned gamekeeper

(Disclaimer: I'm sure your dd is much more sensible)

Usually I know the teen who's house the sleepover is at and therefore don't make any contact with the parents.
But recently my ds 15 wanted to stay at the home of a boy I'd never met and I insisted on speaking to his mother on the phone first. She seemed a bit bemused by the call and couldn't figure out why I was phoning her, but I felt better about the sleepover anyway.

I usually insist on a phone number too if I don't already have it.

praying, I did a little earlier this evening and the mum was lovely about it. (Not that I doubted DD of course... much!).

Suzi, is your real name Jeni? It must be! 'Cos my good friend and I often did that one. Oh, I stayed at Jeni's, no question of me doing otherwise but my mum should have substituted "watching Brookside" for "watching a band in a pub"!

As someone who said I was going to my friends house for the weekend but actually went to my boyfriends house with said friend and her boyfriend, I would be getting names of parents, phone numbers and arranging a chastity belt fitting.

No doubt your daughter is a sensible and honest girl... but get the phone number, even if you don't ring it. Maybe tell her that you might need to contact her in an emergency (and her mobile battery might have run down...)

When I was 15, I used to think my mum was ridiculously overprotective. She said that I would thank her one day and she was right as without her inteference I would probably have got into a lot more trouble than I did. I used to think she was embarrassing and that my friends would laugh at how much care she took of me but actually they were jealous and often told me how lovely she was.

Don't know if this would work for you but I had a secret code with my mum: she promised that if I rang her and used a certain code word, she would come and get me, wherever I was, with no questions asked. I never had to use it, but it used to reassure us both, I think.