To want TTC?

[indiegrrl]

I got my dream job recently, but it meant turning down a job very close to home and turning a long daily commute into a weekly commute. My DP and I have talked about having kids and I would like TTC when I've been in this job a while. My DP thinks this is a bit loopy and he has a huge point: I'd be away 3 nights a week in university terms, minimum. DP may be able to move but not for at least 2 yrs and we are getting on in years! DP happy to be primary carer BUT has asked me to think about whether choosing this job - which makes me really happy - isn't a sign that I don't want kids enough to deal with the sacrifices. I wonder if I am being a fantasist, wanting to have it all and kidding myself that cos we have the money for nurseries, that's somehow ok and would be fair on the child. I think about not having kids ever, and I'm not sure I'm happy about it. But I don't regret taking this job one bit and wld not want to leave it - I've moved to be nearer DP before now and resented doing so. I sound like a spoilt madam, I'm horribly confused, don't have close friends w kids who I can talk to about this (several had problems TTC and I think my probs wld sound a bit narcissistic) - I'd like you to tell it me straight.

Have kids. Once they're born and you meet them, you'll know what sacrifices you want to make. Don't miss out because of logistics that can later be changed. You can move houses and jobs, but you can't have kids once its too late.

Could you wait 12-14 months to try - at least then your DP will be able to move?

It it were me and I was 38/39 or over I would TTC now.

Good Luck!

Don't overthink it! Your work life should fit round your family not the other way around.

Having kids throws up challenges and difficulties you can never anticipte. They also bring your life into focus and make you realise that work is just that, work, its not life. Being happy in your job makes you lucky, it should not prevent you from doing the things that really matter in life - having kids, spending time with family and friends...

have kids they are wonderful, everything else can be worked out.

What do you mean by getting on in years? If you mean 30, then you've got considerably more time to play with than if you mean late 30s.

Depends on your age, if over say 33 then maybe mad to wait if you def want kids. Perhaps if you are not so bothered ok to wait a couple of years if you are 35.

Bear in mind that can be hard to TTC if you are away for 3-4 nights at a time, as in some months you might miss your whole fertile time.

Great that DP is happy to be primary carer - what hours does he work - nurseries only really practical for those who work 9-5. I think you might find it hard to work away from home on a weekly basis if you had kids.

Anyway if he can move in 2 years and you wait just 9 months before TTC then even if you got pregnant right away and then took 6 months maternity leave he'd be able to move at the point that you went back to work, so moving in 2 years seems manageable.

We started discussing TTC this baby (now 9 weeks) in summer 2008 when I had coil removed. Then I got made redundant in Dec 2008 so decided to wait 6 months before TTC again - finally got pregnant in Aug 2009 and baby born April 2010, going back to work in October 2010 - so more than 2 years between deciding to TTC and going back to work.

It will never be the perfect time to have a child so I would get on with it now. A good job is a good job whether you have a child or not. Logistics may be difficult but not impossible you may just have to consider the balance more than most.

Thanks everyone for not just telling me I'm selfish or stupid. I'm 35, DP is 45(!!) so we probably need to get a move on. I wld like to, but I worried my job decision means maybe I'm too 'selfish' or self-centred to be a mother. Also I had MC last year so who knows, maybe we will just have more of that. Sounds crazy, but now feels like the 'right' time far more than last yr did; I worked far closer to home but was unhappy - now I'm happy in work it feels like other things are easier to work out. MumNWLondon, thanks for the advice (would never have thought about TTC like that, and realise now I need to plan - only work away in university terms so better start planning for those vacations!). DP works 9-5 but he can work from home one day per week and has a lot of flexibility about his hours. But he tends to leave big decisions up to me a bit - his general view of life is 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it' - and it is a big thing to push having kids when your DP is likely to be the primary carer or the one who will have to move jobs. I think we have a lot of talking to do.