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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be a little bit miserable even though I should know better?

13 replies

longdistancesucks · 23/06/2010 13:18

Will try to keep this short.

I've known my friend for about 10years and we've always had a lot of chemistry. He's had a thing about me since school but I was in a relationship for most of that time.
A few years ago he moved to France to live with his dad, and we didn't have a lot of contact. Last year he contacted me saying he was coming over and did I fancy meeting up? I was just beginning to feel human again after having dd (her dad cheated when I was pg and was promptly kicked out) so I thought why not, I wanted to know whether the spark was still there.

He came over and we clicked and had an amazing time but agreed it'd be just the one weekend as we didn't want a long distance relationship. A week later we admitted it wasn't enough and then had a year long relationship. On mother's day this year, we called it a day. He was finding the distance too difficult. Originally the plan was that I eventually moved there but began feeling like I really didn't want to do that once the rose tinted glasses were off.

We kept in contact. A few weeks ago he called to tell me he still loved me, but didn't know what to do about it. He's just been over for another visit and it's been like we never split up. So easy to pick up where we left off. However am feeling a bit that I knew he was only over for a few days and that I'm feeling increasingly upset that he's leaving again in a few hours. He's been utterly amazing since he's been here and I really wish we didn't have to go back to RL.

I really should know better. I'm generally quite good at suppressing unwelcome feelings but keep feeling like I'm about to burst into tears, and really need a hug.

AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:
aurorastargazer · 23/06/2010 13:19

no sweetheart ((((((((((())))))))))

longdistancesucks · 23/06/2010 13:21

Thanks for such a quick reply. Just have to keep it together another 40mins before I can go home. I feel so stupid, I've been here before, I know how it feels when he goes and I should know better.

OP posts:
BigFatSepticToe · 23/06/2010 13:22

I think you should ask yourself, does he really really want to be with you or are you just a convenience

and ask yourself, do you really really want to be with him - if he wants you to go to france whats stopping you? the thrill of an on/off relationship can be more exciting than a fulltime relationship - which would you rather have?

babywalks · 23/06/2010 13:23

Not sure what advice to give other than if you feel that you both love each other enough that you want to be together (as in not a long distance relationship) then you will have to discuss either moving over to be with him or him moving back here!

Hope you manage to work something out as it sounds like you are meant to be together.

MrsC2010 · 23/06/2010 13:24

You are not unreasonable, we've all done it. What's stopping you moving if you think he's serious? Life is too short for 'what ifs'.

longdistancesucks · 23/06/2010 13:49

I'm not into on/off relationships, I don't find them exciting or thrilling. I'm just not sure I want to move there, I don't want dd to grow up away from family. I would be utterly reliant on him, area/language/his friends, and I like being independent. Had a bit of an incidentwith his dad once too and i'm such that would be an issue at some point. I'm far from a convenience, it costs him a lot to come here and I'm hundreds of miles from any port as well.
He loves the lifestyle over there and having been there and seen it I totally understand why he wants to stay. He's said several times we'll sort something out and while I'd like to believe that could be true, I can't see it. Thanks everyone.
Babywalks- I think you're right, I think he could be my soulmate if such a thing really exists

OP posts:
longdistancesucks · 23/06/2010 13:53

He done stuff for both my parents too and my mum says it's obvious how much he still loves me

OP posts:
Altinkum · 23/06/2010 13:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

longdistancesucks · 23/06/2010 14:03

Thanks Altinkum. I guess I'm in no hurry to make any rash decisions when I've got a daughter to think about. I want what's best for her before I want what's best for myself. I'm off to say my goodbyes now, I'll come back later though xx

OP posts:
longdistancesucks · 23/06/2010 21:14

He just left, feel pretty low right now

OP posts:
aurorastargazer · 24/06/2010 16:33

((((())))

virgomummy · 25/06/2010 13:19

Thanks aurora x

aurorastargazer · 25/06/2010 17:09

sorry vm are you lds in disguise?

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