to be friends with my DD's stepmother?

[lemonysweet]

hello!
I have twin DD's [16] and a DD [13] from my ex husband. DD [13] was 2 when we seperated. 5 years ago he married his new wife, and our DD's spend time going between the houses, sometimes they'll have a few weekdays at their fathers as we all live in the same area [schoolwise]
before he married her, i called her to introduce myself properly and to encourage her to call me if she ever needed anything to do with DD's when exH was away [he travels sometimes with his job]

over the years we have become quite friendly, and she is a great stepmother to my DD's.

a few of my friends and family find this incredibly weird [that we are friends]

thoughts???

I am stepmum to dsd(15) and her mum and I have always made an effort to get along. We are not friends, as in we don't socialise together or phone each other for a chat etc. but we are friendly, welcome one another into each other's homes, phone each other regarding dsd, buy each other's subsequent children birthday/christmas presents etc. We have known each other for 12 years now and there have been occasions where I have disagreed with things she has done (probably vice versa too) but we have always worked things out and picked our battles. We have never fallen out. It is important for dsd to see that we are working together and we would never undermine each other or contradict something the other had said/done. It hasn't always been easy but it has been so worth it, dsd knows how much we all love her and is growing into a lovely, secure young lady (with the usual teenage traumas!) I would say continue with everything you are doing, your dds will thank you in the long run.

It seems sensible to me-not in the least weird. I knew a DS who had an extended family and both parents went to parent's evenings with the new parners together-all four of them. Things like school concerts they came together and sat together. It seems much better for the DC than having to do separate evenings. Don't let people put you off. It will make things like weddings etc, in the future, so much easier instead of a nightmare!

Wish I could manage that but as the other woman was once a good family friend, it is very hard to know what to do.

Previously, I was happy to let her look after DC. however, once the affair started she told other half, a huge number of lies about both myself and DC to my ex. It fundamentally destroyed the bond between DC and their father.

It is slowly being rebuilt. but do I now trust a woman who was prepared to destroy innocent childrens lives and their relationship with their father for her own gain - NO. Her protestations of how my DC have always been a priority in the whole sordid triangle and how she would never put her own DC ahead of mine they are all equal and he will be treated equally have a very hollow ring. DC will always be "part of our family", three bed house, DC expected to sleep on sofa, whilst they have their own rooms, puts him always in second place.

Anyone any suggestions how I trust her again because I quite simply can not.

I don't think that you can in that case onlyone. It is perhaps only possible if it is a new person who comes along after the breakup and has had nothing to do with it.

I think it is lovely, well done to all of you for being grown up and setting a good example for all of the children

Brilliant Lemony. You give me hope.