to give praise where I think it's due?

[Glitterknickaz]

DS2 has shown a real talent for reading and has overtaken DS1 by quite a way (DS1 is 14 months older). I like to praise him for this and tell people about it but my mum seems to think that's not fair on the other 2 kids (also have a DD).

However I speak about DS1 and DD's talents too - DS1 is brilliant at creative work and writing (DS2 can't write or draw at all due to pencil grip issues and we're trying to get him a laptop for schoolwork) and DD is good at trying to feed and dress herself (things the boys have difficulties with - all three kids have SN).

I have explained to DS1 that everyone has different talents, that he's far better at writing and art than his brother, and he's good at karate and how life would be dull if everyone was good at the same things. I will do the same with DD when she's old enough (she's 2).

I really do think i'm being even handed with my praise, the last thing I'd want is for any of the kids to think I care more about one of them than the others as that's absolutely not the case.

So AIBU? I think it's good for them to hear positive things being said about them...

yanbu, my mum and dad did it with us 4 children all the time and we've turned out ok!

children are good at diffrent things and as long as you are even about it and big up all their achievements and keep telling them that every one has diffrent tallents i dont see a problem with it.

If you are telling people he is good at reading that wouldn't be at all unreasonable. If you were telling people he is better than his brother then that would be rather unfair and could lead to resentment.

YANBU - praise the children!

YANBU

as long as (a) your DS1 doesn't feel bad about his own reading skills as a result and (b) you aren't pigeonholing your children (you know the kind of thing - "he's the artistic one" " she's the practical one" etc)

doesn't sound like either is the case here

MumInBeds no, I don't do that, just how good he is at reading, DS1 once commented "I'm not that good" and that's when I said no, but you'll get there and you can draw and write beautifully and do Karate, and the if everyone was good at the same thing it'd be dull iygwim.

I was an only child so I don't have perspective in sibling issues.

don't praise talent - praise effort

so if DS2 tries really hard at reading then it's praiseworthy

if DS2 can just do it, it's fun to comment on how lucky he is to have a talent but if DS1 is trying harder than he is that is where my praise would lie

YANBU.

I know a mother who won't allow one daughter to be vocally chuffed with her achievements because her sister's self-confidence is very low and she may get upset. This has caused resentment for the daughter that works very hard and feels her mother favours her other daughter who is unemployed and spends all day faffing around.

It never stops at any age.

As long as you're praising them as individuals I don't see a problem, it shouldn't be a competition between them.