Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or just a bit weird?

28 replies

againandagain · 21/06/2010 10:47

Am happy to go with whatever you guys feel about this, as I dont really know!

DD is 10 months old and NOT a very good sleeper. She usally goes to bed around 8ish and then comes into our bed between 4 and 5 in the morning. But this is on a good night. She can be very problematic to get to sleep, and this last week has not fell asleep before 10.

PILs have kindly offered to have her whilst me and DP go to a function next week. It runs from approx 7.30- 11.30. I offered to pick her up on the way home so would be just before midnight. MIL said not to worry and that she could stay as she would proberly be asleep anyway, however if she is bad do you mind her coming into bed with us?? I immediatly said "no of course not, do whatever you can to get some sleep!" I asked again and again if they were sure, and that it was no problem picking her up etc etc.

However now I have slept on it I feel really odd about her sleeping in their bed! There is no logical reason for it, they are great at taking care of her, I just feel abit strange about it!

Is this normal? Should I change the arrangments? Or should I just suck it up and be thankfull that they are being helpfull and allowing us to have a night off?

Sorry for long post but thanks!

OP posts:
Again · 21/06/2010 10:51

I'm probably a bit weird too, but I wouldn't like this. I think you should go with your gut instincts. Personally I'd either sleep there, so that it meant that I could arrive home whether and not disturb her, or take her home. But it is whatever you feel comfortable with.

tethersend · 21/06/2010 10:52

Take the night off and enjoy it... If you are really concerned, ask them not to take her into bed with them.

Veteran · 21/06/2010 10:53

I'd be fine with it, but it's your child and you need to go with what you're comfortable with.

HousewifeOfOrangeCounty · 21/06/2010 10:53

a bit weird.

Sorry, you did ask.

gorionine · 21/06/2010 10:53

I used to go to my grandma's chalet in the summer (from age2 onwards) and I used to love sneak into her bed. I do not see a problem with it but you have to make up your mind before the day or you have a bad night yourself thinking about it instead of sleeping.

kveta · 21/06/2010 10:54

I'd be more worried about how aware they are of her in their bed than anything else - I bring our nearly 9 month old DS into bed at 4 when he wakes, and DP has said a few times that he's not been aware that DS is in the bed until he feels a finger up his nose (DS does this to wake us up).

MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 21/06/2010 10:54

Not a bit weird at all! If it keeps your DD settled, then go for it. What's wrong with being close to your grandparents? Its known to be very, very good for children.

My children share with my parents when they stay there.

KnitterNotTwitter · 21/06/2010 10:54

sounds lovely to me - I'd rather they did that than left her to cry or something like that....

TulipsInTheSunshine · 21/06/2010 10:55

my mother took dd into bed with her when i was in hospital giving birth to ds1 and it made me feel very weird too, not least becasue dd was finally sleeping well at night but my mother had decided in advance she'd take her into bed with her and it made it even more difficult then the next night when we had and new baby in the house and dd's routine had been completely confused.

So no, YANBU... if you don't feel comfortable with it just say no.

ditavonteesed · 21/06/2010 10:55

my dc always end up in my mum and dad's bed when they sleep over. i can't see any problem with it.

OrmRenewed · 21/06/2010 10:56

Not weird. Have a night off and enjoy yourself

Poledra · 21/06/2010 10:56

PsIL stay with us whenever they come to visit (distance too far otherwise!) and all 3 of my DDs have crept into bed with them. Last time they stayed, I was away on a business trip. MIL got up to settle 19-mo DD3 in the cot, went back to bed to find 4-yo DD2 has sneaked in while she wasn't looking and was taking MIL's space in the bed!!

It doesn't bother me, obviously!

HousewifeOfOrangeCounty · 21/06/2010 10:58

to clarify, I meant you are being a bit weird, not that it's weird for them to take her into their bed.

They are her grandparents and they will love having her in with them, honestly it'll make their day and give them something to brag to their other grandparent friends about.

Go out and enjoy yourself, you'll be a better parent for a night off.

minipie · 21/06/2010 10:59

I suppose it depends on whether you think your DD would be happy to go to sleep in your PILs' bed.

If she'd be happy with it then no reason for you not to be IMO.

I can see why it might feel a bit weird but logically if you're happy for your PILs to look after her on their own then you should also be happy for them to have her in their bed - as long as she is happy.

Original poster
againandagain · 21/06/2010 11:02

Thanks guys but I was kind of hoping for a definate answer from you all! Only joking!

TULIPS I have no probs with it from a routine side of things, she sleeps in our bed a fair bit anyway.

KVETA I think that is it a little bit. However I think MIL especially would be super aware.

And yes Knitter I would much rather that than leaving her to cry.

The reason im asking is that I think my feelings towards it are irrational!

OP posts:
booyhoo · 21/06/2010 11:02

my mum takes ds2 (12 months) into her bed if he wakes in the early hours, it has never bothered me. i know he wouldn't settle otherwise and i would hate for her to have to walk the landing with him all night. ds1 (4) also sneaks in to her bed aswell for a cuddle, never been an issue.

Original poster
againandagain · 21/06/2010 11:05

Okay guys I think you have made my mind up. I will leave them to it. DD will be happy because life will revole around her for the evening! Me and DP shall go and get drunk an enjoy having the bed to ourselves !

OP posts:
Jux · 21/06/2010 11:17

Whenever dd stays with MIL, they sleep in the same bed. I feel weird about it too, but I have bitten my lip and let it happen. It's not weird really, so try not to worry. After all, what exactly is it you are worrying about?

I asked myself that question, and couldn't come up with a sensible answer. Sexual abuse? No, no matter how much of a pain my MIL is - stupid, ignorant, intolerant, interfering bitch that she is - I cannot accuse her of that.

What else was I worried about? TBH I can't remember.

DD is now 10 and would still sleep in MIL's bed if she were to stay there. It would still be perfectly OK for her to do so.

There is no danger, really there isn't (unless of course, you know something you haven't told us).

FabIsGettingFit · 21/06/2010 11:18

I wouldn't like this. Do they know the safety aspects about not drinking alcohol and being careful with the duvet and pillows?

Downdog · 21/06/2010 11:22

suck it up! & enjoy your lie in the next day.
I was never brought up with a 'family bed' groove, but OH was. Now we all sleep in same bed most nights (DD will join us at some point & as DD is currently staying elsewhere DD & I are in some bed every night) and I love it. Grandparents will do it for all the same reasons you will.

minibmw2010 · 21/06/2010 11:22

I would imagine that as they have been parents themselves that they must know how to be careful, etc. with regards to safe sleeping.

LadyCad · 21/06/2010 11:23

It's fine.

They have parenting experience don't they? I'm sure they know how to keep her safe.

WoTmania · 21/06/2010 11:24

Wouldn't be a problem for me. My children, when we are staying at my parents' often end up in their bed and also in my brothers' beds when they wake up.

Original poster
againandagain · 21/06/2010 11:25

Yes Fab I will run through the risks with them. However they both dont smoke and are not the kind to just drink for no reason. And, not that it really makes a difference but it will proberly only be for a few hours as hopefully she will spend most of the night in her travel cot.

JUX there is no rational reason for it at all! Its just the thought of her being in someone elses bed! But they are being nice by having her and I wouldnt want both MIL and DD up for hours when she would prob just go straight back to sleep in their bed! And no, there is nothing im not telling you!

OP posts:
Jux · 21/06/2010 17:33

Yeah, it's horrible when you're the one being irrational, isn't it? Much sympathy, I know just what it's like.

Swipe left for the next trending thread