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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be fed up...

8 replies

iheartmyboys · 20/06/2010 21:56

probably just a whinge but here goes....

My DH had a sports event early this morning so i decided it would be nice for the dc's to watch. It was an early start so we got up got dressed - two buses and a train later we arrive. (He had arranged for a lift so went early, in case we got delayed with transport - we don't own a car).
We watched the event and all was good, then his team mates decided to go for a coffee in a nearby park,we decided not to go as we didn't have a car and didn't know how to get there. As it turned out the bus we caught went near the park so we jumped out, walked the 20 minutes (DS on scooters) and went to join his friends for coffee. A bit boring as it was all 'sports' talk but DH was happy to join the group.
Had previously arranged with DH to take DS1 swimming, as he loves spending time with dad and loves being in the water. DS2 loves it too but had a cold so I was going to take him home for lunchtime sleep.
DH tells me at the coffee shop that he had arranged to meet at client and that he would take DS1 swimming afterwards.
This meant DH took a lift with a team mate to workplace, right near the swimming pool and then I would get public transport and meet them at the pool. A walk out of the park where the coffee shop was to find the bus stop.
The 20 minute walk took an hour and a half. DS2 (2 years) was tired and refused to ride his scooter or walk and kept stopping to sit down. I had no pram and no means to carry him, so it was lot's of cajoling to get him moving. A frustrating time. DS1 did well and perserved with the situation, but was tired, thirsty and hungry and fed up too!
We got on the first bus and made it to the high street and looked at the time. It was 30 min before the swimming pool closed and we still had one more bus ride to go, with luck we would have had 5 - 10 minutes in the pool. Sunday buses though meants this may not have even been the case!!
So decided to feed and water DCs instead.
Called DH and told him the change of plans and for him to meet us on our high street. He said he was just about to sit and watch some of the game on the TV at the gym/swimming pool and to text when we were close to high st.
DC's with full bellies we made our way to the train station, made this decision instead of bus to make it more exciting. Managed to convince DS1 that we would do swimming during the week without him getting too upset.
We get on the train and I text DH and tell him we are on our way.
40 min later we couldn't find him on the high street so I called, he was still at the gym watching TV and that his teammates would be on the high st soon so we could meet them for coffee! At this point I got angry....for his selfishness

  1. for putting himself first and not coming to meet us like he had said.
  2. wanting to meet his teammates (again) for a coffee - coffee shops and two tired DC's do not work. Wanting to be in a coffee shop with DC's and not wanting to actually play/spend time with his DCs

I then told DH to get to the high st as he was having the boys for the rest of the afternoon and I was going home to do some work. Another 40 minutes before he arrived (more time for me to get worked up!) and then he has the nerve to tell me not to get angry at him as I had a lovely time at the park and XX (the town where all I did was drag DS2 along, take them for some food and then get the train home) he really had no idea....

So I came home and did do some work!
He bought the DC's home and got them into the bath. I helped with feeding and dressing. He gave them bottles on lounge with tv on and then went into the bedroom and watched the football.
I had to tell him DS2 was falling asleep on the lounge and needed teeth done and to be put to bed. He did teeth, put DCs in bed, barely time to close the bedroom door and he was out the front door.

'Off to the pub to watch the end of the game'

OP posts:
iheartmyboys · 20/06/2010 21:56

sorry for the long OP

OP posts:
OTTMummA · 20/06/2010 22:01

wow, he has been incredibly selfish today, is he normaly like this?

i would be double locking the door and going to bed early tbh.

twatish behaviour.

VerityBrulee · 20/06/2010 22:05

YANBU

I have had a similar day with dh. IME, men always put themselves first. A bit of online retail therapy often soothes my irritation

iheartmyboys · 20/06/2010 22:08

thanks OTT - had a giggle at that. He would just go to his work and bunk down for the night.

To be honest he really is quite selfish with his time. He does work long hours six days per week, but also has time throughout the day to get coffee visits in - busy schedule morning and late afternoon/evening. He never gets home before midnight or later at times.

I know he works hard but he does have a family and I believe we should be a priority on Sunday. Unfortnately he doesn't really see it this way - we are usually making plans around his 'training' or coffee meet ups.
In the past I've been fed up and it's got me nowhere. Then I decided to approach it with less hassle and just go with the flow to try and stop the fighting between us- but days like today flare up and I really doubt 'us' as a couple.

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 20/06/2010 22:11

It does sound as though the 'family' actually revolves around this man and what he wants. Do you get any free time for yourself? If not it's time to negotiate some, one evening a week at least. Sure he works hard - but so do you: looking after young children and running the house is hard work, whether or not you have paid work as well.

GiddyPickle · 20/06/2010 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iheartmyboys · 20/06/2010 22:20

No mention of father's day and as we had no time together as a family as plan A went out the window, the card and gift I had planned are still in my bag

I don't get any free time unless i book an extra babysitting night with our aupair. I work two jobs and have the two small children.
DH does see the play dates and DC's activities as my free time.

I'm thinking of making alternate Sunday's Daddy's day - he can have them from morning til night and i will escape and do my own thing. Let's see how he likes things then.

I'm also at the mess left behind from bathtime/dinnertime and will have to tidy up tomorrow so that the aupair doesn't think she has to do it tomorrow.

OP posts:
GiddyPickle · 20/06/2010 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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