father's day

[doireallywant3]

AIBU? my dad died v suddenly aged 59 on new years day this year and while this is a lovely day for my DH as it's his 1st father's day (DD born Aug last year) it's a very, very sad day for me. in church this morning, it took all my self-control not to weep as the priest talked about fathers who are no longer with us etc. I have spoken to my 2 sisters today which was lovely but I have had no texts or calls or anything from any friends acknowledging this day and that i might be finding it hard. even bloody DH hasn't referred to my dad. AIBU to be a bit pssed off about this? i know i could say soemthing but i still find it very upsettign to talk about it. what do you think?

YABU

It really is desperately sad for you, I can see that, but you really can't expect other people to remember that this will be a sad day for you.

I'm so sorry for your loss, though.

hmmm i suppose you are right mrs wobble, however i do wonder abotu my very closest friends and maybe am just feeling a little unthought-of or soemthing (or just pathetic & sorry for myself). thanks for giving me a little perspective. and thanks for your kind words.

I am so sorry but don't take it to heart. They would all be supportive if they thought about it. My father died when he was only 56 and I could sit and weep sometimes if I thought about it too hard-and that is a long time ago. I feel so sad that he never saw his grandchildren.
I always feel for people on Father's Day. I felt dreadful for my son when he was little, his father died when he was a baby and so I have always tried to blot it out as a day. Why not tell DH how you feel? I am sure that he is just thoughtless rather than anything else. I used to do something nice on special days like his birthday-maybe that would help?

YABalittlebitU although I am very sorry for your loss.

The mother of a good friend of mine died a couple of years ago. I know she is very upset still but I would never dream of contacting her on mother's day as I would assume she'd like to spend it privately grieving.

Talk to your DH, he might not have realised you have such a need to talk about your father. He was so young, and it must have been such a shock for you all, it's not surprising your grief feels so raw.

I'm sure that Fenouille is right, I would tend to contact but that is only through personal experience, I think that the most likely reaction is not to draw your attention to the day.

Oh don't make your DH have to guess how you're feeling and be peed off if he doesn't.
If you want to talk about it, just tell him you miss your dad today.
He might not have thought - or he might not want to be the one to bring it up if you haven't, especially if he knows you find it upsetting to talk about it.

I don't think they are being heartless, just wondering if they might upset you further by mentioning it to you. Talk to them about the way you feel and marking your Dad's birthday is also a good idea. x

you're all right, thanks so much. i think my nearest & dearest couldn't get it right anwyay... i do want to privately grieve and i don't want to talk about it so no-one could do the right thing anyway. will share my thoughts with DH and have an early night. thanks lovely ladies x

I can't imagine what you've been through, I'm so very sorry. thank you for taking time to respond to me though x

Take care. Unfortunately there is no easy way-you just have to work through it and you will have good days and bad days.I found that some days things were helpful that were not the next, so it is really difficult for friends. Dwell on your happy memories - no one can take them away.My best wishes.

I am really sorry for your loss doIreally..

I totally understand what you are saying and would feel the same way

I suspect your friends dont know what to say and dont want to upset you so have opted for the say nothing option

I am not saying its right .. far from it .. just seems to be what a lot of people think when faced with someone who is bereaved. i sometimes think you need to have been bereaved to understand that all you have to say is I am thinking of you and I am here if you want to talk

You said you held back the tears this morning in the church.. have you taken time out to yourself to have a cry today.

its still very early days for you and you need to take time to grieve. hope you found some peace today Ido

take care

so in summary yanbu

So sorry to hear of your loss.
My dad died on 2nd June last year after a short, so Fathers Day was just after the funeral. It was horrid and like you, I was surprised/disappointed that no-one asked how I was feeling etc. I agree that people don't really know what to say - so say nothing. Its nothing personal.
This fathers day was less hard for me and I guess each will be easier.
Take care and best wishes
x

that was short illness

Also my first fathers day without my daddy. None of my friends have mentioned it, I don't think people do. I have a friend who lost his dad recently and I haven't contacted him either, I suppose I don't want to upset him (or too caught up in my own loss - feeling guilty now!) Probably same for your friends.

I'm going to text my friend now!