To be upset about what this woman said behind my back?

[sherekahn]

I am on a commitee and there is another woman on the commitee who I thought I got ok with. We are both ex teachers but she was high up in the profession whereas I only just gradutaed before I got pregnant.

My good friend who is not on the commitee told me about a conversation she was having with commitee woman and others at soft play. They were talking about teaching and apparently commitee bitch said that she didn't understand how I could cope as a secondary school teacher.

She has never seen me teach or taught in the same school. I am a qualified teacher and I hav esurvived several rough comps not to mention several schools abroad and here in England.

She is basically going by my personality. She is one of those who just cannot leave it in the classroom. She has a glowering, menacing demeanor, orders people around and once stood up in playgroup and bollocked the lot of us for not pulling our wieght.

I do have a strict teaching persona but I leave it in the classroom and I would never dream of teaching my peers like year 11 students.

How dare she assasinate me professionally!

We had a fund raising event yesterday and she clearly thought she was back at work and tried to oredr me around until I told her to bo goff. grrrrrrr.

WHY, WHY, WHY do these frustrated career woman see motherhood as a new career? grrrrr.

I think she dosn';t trust me because I'm single.

You are probably being a bit unreasonable because you were not present at the conversation so don't know the context.
In fact you could take it as a compliment .

Ooh she sounds awful.

I would, however, question how good a friend the "good friend" who relayed this conversation actually is.

She essentially deliberately upset you. Why would she do that?

YANBU.

Ignore. Don't let yourself get so wound up by her. I am going through a similar situation, only with a group of women, and spent most of last week in tears. Have realsied that life is too bloody short to let what others think/say get you down. It's easier said than done I know (and actually, I've not seen these women yet to try it out!) but just live your life and tell anyone who doesn't like how you are or what you to to like it or lump it.

Oh, and I have a 'friend' who tells me what these women have said behind my back too. Have learned to keep her at arms length as her gossiping goes both ways.

good friend has her own issues at the moment- she may be a bit jealous.

She sounds like a cunto. Try not to let it upset you, although if it was me I would be seething and have to plan retaliation. Its so hard when you hear something and are unable to confront them about it.

If you watch and wait, something will happen to her that serves her right and make you feel better. Do her kids have tantrums yet?
That might be a good one to watch

My sil was all smug because her toddler didnt have tantrums like mine who was 6 months oldr. 6 months later i remember us unable to leave a cafe because her daughter was lying in the doorway screaming, sil looked at me and I did a big smug face, felt fuckin fantastic.

If its cos you are single, make sure you look stunning at the next meeting, and also happy, that pisses em off.

I am a nurse, and one of the other mums in my group is also. She cant stop trying to nurse everyone and makes out I dont know as much as her, but like you, I just leave it at work where it belongs and dont push it onto people, she thinks she is so superior to me.

Rise above. She obviously has some kind of little hitler thing going on with other parents - not something you need to take to heart. Just be sorry for her that she's so desperate to be a big cheese on a committee/at playgroup that she'll bully and belittle people - how grim. Why would you want to be this person's friend or ally anyway.

People like this hold sway because other people get upset by these kind of manoeuvres - just ignore.

Seriously though, did everyone just go along with being bellowed at like children by this woman? No one told her to get lost? I wouldn't have been able to keep a straight face!

I also felt a bit wierd about my friend who told me. not graet timing on a Saturday night is it?

Mabe they are all as bad as each other.

I think my good friend was warning me as she had seen bitch woman talk to me like shit today and wanted to make it clear that bitch woman is definately NOT an ally.

On the other hand good friend is not happy at the moment in her relationship and I think she resents the fact that I'm free and happy. I think sometimes this spills over into friendsville.

I find these mum's commitees a bit wierd really. It's like a competetion to be Big chief mama!

I hate all this kind of crap, I really do. Sadly, it's made me pull away from so many people over the past year or so, the older I get, the less willing I am to pit up with this level of bollocks from other people.

There was a lot of silent laughter, wtf and bitching after the playgroup incident but I do wish that someone had told her where to stick it. I'm too shy.

She sounds like the chief mafia mum of the village we live in. Soon after we moved in, she came round with a big list of dos and donts for children in the village (ds was the same age as her dd, oh joy!) including when they could and couldn't use the PUBLIC playground, and a sheet she printed up giving info about other families at the village school (including tags of 'troublemaker' i kid you not). we moved here from a massive town so it was surreal. Thankfully, ds is home educated and the village decided to shun us, so we've not really crossed her path again, but she had the same little hitler attitude. People called her 'the Bulldog' behind her back, but instead of being upset by it, she embraced it. Loon.

These people exist everywhere, but I have noticed a lot more of them since becoming a parent. If you don't rise above it, it brings you down. Good luck with her anyway.

Yes- I agree you should be a bit wary of your friend who relayed this conversation. I'm sure she's very nice and all that, but I suspect a bit of a Gossip, which might be directed at something you've said next time

I also have come to the conclusion, finally, at 40, that other people's opinions of you say much more about them, and their hangups, than they do about you.

Am currently trying to find a way of making DS1 (age 9) understand this too....

The not trusting you because you are singlw is so left field, where do you get that idea from or have you been flirting with her man?

agreee with Sloaney, why did this woman shit stir? bitchy .

No- he's ugly as sin!

TBH- I felt really wierd about my friend telling me this. I am just as upset with her. She is quite needy and is suffering in her marriage atm. I sense she's a bit jealous of my freedom tbh.

She sounds horrible but I second the earlier comment about context. People say that to me all the time, but they mean it in the sense that they feel they couldn't cope with it iyswim. At least, I hope they do .

Of course, this is based on her being a primary teacher. If she's secondary too, then she's just a cow.

I agree with the leaving it behind thing too. I do the same thing and I'm sure people think I'm too bonkers to teach!

I would probably want to know if someone had voiced opinions about me early on just so I get a heads up..lol..would not give a rats arse tho..just like to know where the land lies..
I could not sit there and not tell a good friend if someone was making dodgy comments..tbh if the womans a bitch then the comment was probably bitchy..
She sounds like she wants to be the Alpha female an all that...

Hi all, thanks for your insights. She's prob v competetive. (yawn, yawn, yawn.) i think my friend is warning me as she saw the way that she spoke to me yesterday and was upset about it.

Oh well. Will rise above it.

If a friend heard someone talking behind my back, I'd want to know, and I'd thank them for telling me. Nasty gossips only get away with it so often because they don't get uncovered or challenged.