Firstly Becky, congratulations on your DDs. I am always in awe of those who manage with twins, as I found looking after just one DS was the hardest thing I?ve ever had to do ? especially in those early months. You?ve made it thought the fog of the first three months - fantastic!
I agree with those who say he?s probably scared, and is happy enough to use the default options of getting others to help him. But you?re new to this too, and you?ve learnt the way we all have ? by doing. So he needs to figure this out too. Explain to him at a time when you?re both feeling (relatively) calm and rested how you feel and what you need. Shouting?s only going to make you feel better for about 10 seconds, but get him defensive and angry. Think about what you want to say (write it down first perhaps?) and clearly and unemotionally express it to him, adult to adult. Easier said than done, I know, but it will be more effective.
No-one ever really understands what the day to day grind is with little babies, even when they?ve gone through it themselves (like MIL?s), because they forget. Do leave him with the girls for a day if you can ? go and catch up with friends, or see a movie, or just go for a walk through the shops or something, to get a bit of a break. Talk to him through the techniques for feeding, changing, settling etc that work for your DT?s and leave him to it.
Accept all the help you can get, even if its not up to your usual standards. Learn to let things like greasy plates slide, at least for a bit (maybe just rinse the ones you use for yourself so you don?t get botulism ;-) !!) I promise you that when the girls are a bit older, and sleeping better, you?ll have time to get things the way you like them. It?s far more important to put them in a buggy and go and enjoy the sunshine on a walk, than to have sparkling dishes.
Take rests when you can and ignore those who imply you?re being lazy ? you?re TIRED for goodness sake, you need to catch up from all those night wakings! If adults are going to blank you and behave like stroppy teenagers, treat them as such ? ignore, ignore, ignore. Don?t waste valuable emotional energy on such nonsense.
Definitely contact Homestart. They may be able to suggest a parenting class for men, that your partner will feel more comfortable going to?
Don?t do his washing ? you?ve got enough to do with the girls and your own. If a man can learn to drive a car, he can certainly learn how to put some powder in a washing machine and turn it on. And even to hang it out when it come out at the end! Don?t wash up all the pots and pans that he uses ? he?ll figure it out when he can?t find one he needs that the washing up fairy hasn?t visited and he might have to do it himself.
You are a team, and yes, you?re lives have changed forever. So now?s the time to adjust. Nights out with the lads and all that will return ? I promise. But now is a time to hunker down and develop good habits of supporting each other, which will strengthen your relationship in the long run. Good luck.