to feel a bit grumpy with my dad

[Loshad]

rang tonight as he's busy tomorrow.
I have full time job (teacher) husband with ft job, 4 dc's with full range of after school activities, a small holding to run and no help in house. I am not complaining about any of this - i know i am very lucky and really appreciate my life, BUT my dad spent the whole phone call telling me how hard my stepbrother's wife has it - he is immensely wealthy, they have 2 dcs at school, cleaners etc and she is a SAHM. I'm sure she is put on by him, and i know he does nothing in the house to help, but aibu to think she really doesn't have such an awful life in all honesty?

you don't know what is going on in her life, so you can't comment. Envy is a terrible emotion.

Sounds to me like you feel very put upon

BTW YANBU to expect your Dad to sympathise with you over his DIL

I don't feel at all put upon, nor am i envious of her, as i said I'm very happy with my life. Just not sure why he expected me to feel so sorry for her tbh.

In what way is she having a hard time? Having cash and not doing paid work aren't a precurser to a happy life.

It's only my opinion, but asking whether you should 'feel a bit grumpy' with your dad, sounds like you're asking 'should I be in a sulk with my dad?' which of course the answer is no, he just sounds worried about her.

I'm sure he'd be worried about you if you needed it, but you sound really happy and he doesn't need to.

you have said yourself that you are very happy with your life...so why do you feel miffed with your dad for showing concern for your SIL?

agent zigzag makes a good point, maybe she isn't happy, though he didn't say that, only telling me how hard her life was.
Banana lover, no probs with him being concerned about her, just not sure she in all honesty has anything for him to be worried about (unlike some other parts of my family though that would clearly be going onto aibu by stealth)

Loshad, not quite sure what you point is here.

Are you envious that you are having to share your dads attention?

If you're happy with what you see as a lot going on in your life, then you must be the (lucky) type of person who thrives on juggling ten thousand things at once.

But some people can struggle regardless, even when looking in on them from the outside they can seem to have everything you think should make them happy.

Do you know her well enough to ask if she's OK?

so the point is not really that she might be having a shit time, feeling like crap, depressed etc., the point is that to you she seems like she has the perfect life and therefore has no business feeling anything negative. I think the question is why are you so niggled that your dad is showing compassion to someone who he feels is having a rough time, and also why you are so cold towards that person? It doesn't matter whether or not in your eyes she is worthy of feeling negative, does it? You shouldn't presume to judge how another person feels till you walk in their shoes.

TBH, I can't understand why your Dad needed to talk about her - surely your convo should have been about what's going on with you and what's going on with him? Unless your SIL has been bending your Dad's ear a LOT and he felt the need to share the burden. Perhaps he was hoping you'd phone her so she had someone else to talk to?

I'd be a bit miffed too if I phoned my Dad and all he talked about was someone else's problems - but because I want to hear about him, not other people.