to not stop other people's kids fighting each other

[ContentedVanilla]

If you were at a child's party and a child there was being really aggressive to another one, and there were relatives of his there but they weren't doing much to stop him, the main child being picked on's mother wasn't there, and none of the other parents there were intervening, would you have done something about it?

I keep thinking how the child being picked on might have felt with nobody protecting him and feeling really guilty that I did nothing.

He didn't cry and seemed to be 'joining in' but the other child was mainly the one on top of him and kept chasing him to 'attack' him and the other one was running away and seemed to me more like he was trying to get away from him than doing it for fun.

I guess people would have thought it was the boy's relatives' job to stop him and that they would have got cross if someone else intervened, or maybe they thought the fighting wasn't that bad.

It seems obvious now that I should have asked the 'victim' if he was ok and if he was enjoying the fighting or wanted it to stop (I couldn't really tell). Or maybe this would have been the wrong thing as well?

And should I talk to the 'victim's' mother about being wary of leaving him at parties if the other one is going?

I don't know if I'm being oversensitive because of my own childhood stuff or not.

I would have intervened. In fact I think its easier to intervene when your dc's aren't involved.

I'd mention something to the 'victim's' mother - perhaps - 'did your ds enjoy the party? as x child was being quite rough' or something along those lines.

How old were the children?

I would definitely have asked the "victim" if he was OK.

4 and 5. What would you actually do/say when you intervened? (I want to be prepared with ideas for if it happens again).

I'd have asked the 'victim' if he was ok and then stepped in front of other child and done a general 'hey - lets all play nicely and be careful type thing'. So not picking on one child but letting them know they were being watched.

However depends how serious the behaviour was - if it was really bad - I would have gone and told the parents who were there.

Exactly the same as traceybath

I would intervene. If it was my child involved (on either side) and I wasn't there, I'd be furious if no other adult had intervened.

I can completely understand why you didn't want to intervene, but it would have been the right thing to do. Presumably you didn't see it as 'your place' to reprimand the child because his parents were present at the party. However, their child was clearly in the wrong so the parents could hardly criticise you for being concerned by their child's bad behaviour. If the victim's parents had been there then the situation would be different, but he's very young to stand up for himself properly.

I think I would have asked the parent of the child whose party it was to intervene, if they failed to do it, I would. Not in an aggressive, confrontational way but certainly to establish how the 'victim' felt about it.