To feel a bit sad about fathers day?

[Marjee]

I've planned a lovely day out for my dh's first fathers day tomorrow. Hes a wonderful father who dotes on our ds and I'm really excited about treating him to a family day out. However all the planning has got me thinking about my relationship with my own dad who, to be frank couldn't care less about his family. He doesn't ever call me, forgets my birthday every year and has never met my ds (his first grandchild). He always seems pleased to hear from me but never makes the effort to get in touch, promises to call but never does and generally just lets me down. I have a brother who has exactly the same treatment from him. I haven't sent him a card because I don't think he deserves one but I know he'll be moaning about me and calling me names to anyone who'll listen tomorrow. Not sure what the question was really, I think I just needed a rant! I know he doesn't deserve his children but it still hurts, hes still my dad.

Have you discussed this with him?
Some men seem to find it harder to listen than women do. Maybe write to him if he doesnt listen?
If he moans about not receiving a card then maybe that is the time to tell him why?
If my DD's grandparents never bothered with her I'd be very angry and upset.

I have discussed it with him many times, the truth is he just doesnt care. I haven't seen him for 2 years which is not unusual.

Then he really doesnt deserve any kind of recongnition as a father, imo.
I've had to deal with things like this in my life and to be honest, I found cutting contact with them was the best thing for me.
If your DS grows up knowing his 'grandad' is around but seeing he doesnt care it will hurt him alot, like it has hurt you.
It may not be very easy to cut contact but in my situation it was really the only option.
YANBU not to give your dad a card.
Focus on your DH, he is the great role model.

Thanks fyimate, you talk a lot of sense! Hes no loss really and I can't keep chasing him just to be rejected again. I have a lovely stepfather and fil so my ds already has 2 granddads who love him. This time of year just makes me sad but theres not much I can do about it!

Well there you go, dont let it get you down, train yourself to see this time of year as a way to show your DH how proud you are of him as a father and soon Father's Day will be a joy!
Trust me, I've disciplined my "natural" feelings before, you can definetly turn Father's Day around. It'll make your DH happier seeing you are happy too, and this always has a positive effect on children. They can sense when the people around them are happy or sad.

Thank you, I'm definitely going to spoil dh tomorrow, he deserves it!

Your definetly allowed to feel sad about the dad you'll never have (been there etc).

Just make sure you make a huge fuss of your dh for the fabulous father that he is. x.

I'm definetly spoiling my dp tommorow, he is totally great with the kids and they adore him.

Thanks ladies, I suspect I'm not the only one who will be feeling a bit down tomorrow. I think concentrating on dh is the best plan, its only one day and tbh I don't usually waste my time thinking about a selfish man who sure as hell doesn't think about me. Ok gonna stop thinking about it now, getting angry .....

Everytime you feel angry you should try distract yourself with something you like. Soon enough you'll forget what you were thinking about and just get on with enjoying yourself!

Margee.
Your dad sounds narcissistic to me - self-absorbed and liking attention, but no love to give himself. The fact he's made no effort to see your daughter says it all - it's pretty bad behavour. You do right to keep your distance - he doesn't sound good for your sanity.

You are so right animation, he has got serious mental health issues. Hes acted so badly in the past and never shown any remorse.
Somehow he always thinks of himself as the victim. He never once contacted me while I was pregnant, I told him at 12 weeks then didn't speak to him again until I rang him when ds was 5 months yet he expects people to feel sorry for him because hes never met his grandson! Anyway I'm going out now, I've got a lovely dh to spoil! Thanks for your replies ladies xx

I feel a bit sad for my wonderful dh who has 3dc and 2 steps.The only phone-call he had was from my dd[his stepdd]and no other cards or calls.He said to me,'I'll have to ring the boys tonight!!!!!!'
The 'boys' are 41 and 37 with dc of their own so they should be sufficiently aware to ring dh.
[Sorry op-got a bit carried away]
YANBU at all

Marjee - yes, he does sound like he has a personality problem - expecting people 'to feel sorry for him.'Crazy behaviour. Glad you could enjoy your day with your own lovely family. The buck stops with you ;)

Pranma - Keep in mind men dont usually care for these celebrations, it could be that his sons dont even think to call him. My DP didnt recieve a single phone call from his boys but our DD made him a card and everything.
Girls are generally more aware of days like today and make more fuss.
Try not to put too much on it. This is when people usually start feeling depressed when there really is no need. I'm sure his DC's love him, but some people just dont care for Father's Day, I know my DP wouldnt give it a thought if we never bothered either. He didnt even realise it was Father's Day til my DD said it!

Ah Pranma, I feel sad for your dh! I agree with what fyimate said though, men generally don't think about these things. Fathers day is just a made up day for card companies to sell more, it could just be that his dcs don't see the point. As for my 'df' I would send him a card if he had ever been any sort of father to me. As it is I have left him to his alcohol and women!