To now not go into town with the DS's for a Fathers Day present?

[toccatanfudge]

I need some genuine (but not too harsh please as I am open to change my mind if the arguments are strong enough against me) opinions.

Obviously it's fathers day tomorrow. Given my own free will I would get sod all for exH from the DS's. However, it's not about me, so when the boys asked recently if they could get him a card I naturally agreed. There was no mention of a present from them

I also suggested we could print off a recent photo of them from the computer and go into town and get a cheap frame. They liked the idea of that.

ExH in the past has always said he'd just be happy with a card and in the past on occasions that's all he's got from them. I just through that seen as though I brought all the photos of the boys with me, and still haven't go round to sorting through them and giving him some back (I honestly do intend to do this - there were some that came with me that I think were initially frame dfor him last time we split). So I thought it would be nice, even if he can't be arsed to come and see them for him to have a recent photo of the DS's.

Anyhow, fast forward to today, DS's have been AWFUL this morning, we had major metldowns an hour or so ago. AFTER I'd told them that I wanted to get done today, and what I wanted them to do, and that we would make a trip to town for a frame for the photo.

Well anyhow it all kicked off and I decided that as I was buying the frame/doing the photo for their benefit that I told them we wouldn't go to town for the frame and exH would just have a card from them. (I know that exH genuinely won't mind just a card..........and as an aside he got absolutely nothing for the DS's to give me on Mothers Day - which also happened to be my birthday this year as well).

The trip to town was only going to be for a frame - there's nothing else I need to get and so really it was for DS's benefit, not mine nor exH's.

We have been out to the local shop where I let them choose whichever card they wanted for him.

So AIBU to not go to town and sort this picture out of them for them to give to him????

Please be nice, I'm a sensitive soul right now and I generally avoid starting threads in here atm the moment as a result - but this really is an AIBU so I can't hide it under another topic..........

Hi, Tocca.

If I were you I wouldn't take them into town, for my dcs it would be a 'treat'.

How about getting them to make a frame? DD did this with an old cereal box and stuck her and siblings faces round it. A bit of colour and glitter, and there you go.

How's the dating going?

I think maybe YABU a little. it sounds like its all got out of hand, but it would still be a nice gesture and maybe ExH would see this and make sure you get something nice for next year's Mother's day. (hopefully)

make a frame - ooooo - well I'm not one of those uber mummies that do arty crafty things at home with her DC (thank goodness for fab playgroups, nurseries and schools ). I have no glitter, and nothing to stick with .

Plus part of the major meltdown was about the mess/tidying up........I'm honestly not sure if I could cope with current mess levels and them making more.

Dating - ditched the Ameican, got a few I'm now chatting to online again......will keep you updated elsewhere

Juicy - he won't get something next year - crikey he only remember his own DS's birthday because my parents rang him

Well then, I think it's enough if you just print out half a dozen or so photos, and then their dad can decide to put them in a frame, or not.

You could get him a frame for xmas....

Sorry the American didn't work out, it sounded very positive. Now, about my brother....

I really can't afford to print out more than one photo, I wasn't even going to do it on glossy paper, I rarely print in colour so when I recently forked out (what felt like) a small fortune on new colour cartridges (as he emptied the ones that came with the printer while we were still together) it was with printing a photo out in mind.

But hey, I'm not that tight that I'd just get him a frame for Christmas - the 99p is fab for stuff like that

American was lovely, but we were looking for different things in a relationship/dating.

What about your brother

I think I would still take them for the frame if it were me.

The problems this morning were about mess and not really related to the frame, and as you had already told the boys they could get one for their dad, then they would be looking forward to it. Even tho I know DD's dad is an arse, she doesn't and she likes to get him father's day/birthday things and it makes her happy to give them to him, so I don't really want to stand in the way of that and have her think that I stopped her, if that makes any sense.

Plus it might do you all good to get out of the house for a while, it might clear the air a bit?

Go all arty, black and white then!

I think I mentioned my brother before. He's looking for lurve, but not having much luck, sadly.

Forget the framed pics. Too much hassle.

Ds is out at the mo buying a magazine for father's day! His dad has taken him and has been warned to pretend not to see.

hmm - so far one NBU, one slightly BU and one BU

Elizabeth - this morning wasn't just about the mess - but I didn't want not give all the circumstances, but at the same time didn't want to turn the thread into being about something that's it (although I see my love life has already been brought up ).

You see the way I see it is the frame was my idea, they just wanted to get him a card, no mention of a present (and it didn't go unnoticed from them that daddy didn't give them anything to give to mummy on Mothers Day.......not my doing - but rather my Best friend who went out and got something for them to give me.....)/

They have been a little bit "meh" recently about doing anything particularly special for daddy (I was kind of hoping their optimism about seeing him lots.....they don't......and him being a great dad to them still would last a little longer than this ).

I'm 100% certain if I hadn't suggested a (relatively) cheap present they wouldn't even have brought it up as all the talk has been of cards (and they have chosen him a nice one).

But then maybe you're right that they'll think I stopped them giving him a present as well (although I notice that since I started the thread the sulks have stopped and normal chaos has resumed).

oh I don't know going to town was a treat for them, and I don't want them to continue start thinking that they can behave appalling but then do the stuff that they were looking forward too. But then what if they think I've stopped them giving him something

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Could you still go into town and do the picture frame thing, but find a different punishment? Tidy their rooms? Eearly to bed tonight?

thanks for the respones, I decided to do a compromise.

I explained to them (ver slowly and very clearly) that I would still print the photo out so they could give that to him (and put it on his fridge if he wants or something).........but ONLY if they did some tidying up, I didn't care what bit of the house they decided to do, but explained I was only going to tell them once and that if they wanted the picture printed out I expected them to do SOMETHING to help (trust me it's not hard right now for 2 reasonably intelligent boys aged 6 and 9 to find stuff that needs doing ) but without me reminding them........

So far nothing done but more mess created upstairs as they've been playing up there.

At least now I don't feel so guilty about it as they had a clear choice.........

Seems pretty fair, how's it going now? Any tidying being done?

nope - no tidying done - more mess created (althhough not too much mess been created).

They have until 8pm to do something. I know that they're both more than capable of doing a pretty impressive job in a very short space of time when they set their mind to it - and DS3 is reasonable good at helping when he's in the mood as well.