to be enraged by hormone/partner/manager combination?

[Ryuk]

Sorry, this turned into a bit of a ranty essay. Guess I'm still a bit angry.. :S

My partner and I both work at the same place, on the same shift, which involves getting up very early (half five most days, 6.15 saturdays) to go push brooms around in a fairly dusty smelly environment. Since lately I'm tired, nausious, cranky, and everything smells awful, this has been less pleasant than ever, but I've been coping.

This morning, partner and I both slept through alarm by about 15 minutes. I then spent a few more minutes in bed hating the world and being in pain from cramps, then took some time to eat cereal even though I didn't want to, as I knew hunger would just make hormones, cramps and nausea worse. Partner complained from the off, and then sulked the remainder of the way to work, as apparently I was making us 'even more late'. (I don't see how I could have reasonably not eaten, or eaten any quicker, but apparently either would have been preferable.)

So by the time we got in I was very wound up, defensive, angry, and still feeling nausious and hormonal. Was greeted by manager who asked what time we were supposed to be in, we clarified (were half an hour late, although rationally this wasn't a problem as it's easy enough to make the time up by staying later), and he replied in what I thought was an excessively a snarky tone "you're late", the obviousness and unecesariness of which made me even more angry. So I continued walking past, very quickly, and snapped "Pregnant! Ill!" over my shoulder. Partner stuck around to apologise on my behalf, then came and complained some more.

I do know that partner is also tired and worried about our job security, and I know mnager has to worry about staff turning up, so they both have their own reasons to be stressed, and they probably can't understand just how sick and upset I actually felt this morning... and I'm actually kind of worried about how extremely enraged I was at them. Has anyone else found themselves really angry at 'irrational' stimuli? Was it irrational to be that angry?

No, your not. My cleaners get to work on time

Blimey, Ryuk, Mumsnet's got it in for as well today!!

No, you shouldn't have lost a further 15 mins in the morning and you shouldn't have snapped at the manager. But the manager reacted very badly to your lateness - s/he was passive-aggressive. They should not have done the "what time do you start" rigmarole, they should have just said what they wanted to say. That's probably the reason why you felt so narked.

Any road up, you've apologised and they've apologised so the world's back on track for now

You were being a bit unreasonable (and so was your boss)!

They're probably scared you'll whinge ad nauseum if they don't, DSM. :P

Most of ours don't, and a lot of them have random days not turning up at all. At which some of the managers take the opportunity to complain at those of us who are there that the missing cleaner's work hasn't yet been done, and then expect the few of us who are there, and always (except for today) on time, to cover for them with unpaid overtime.

Buck, he didn't have to wait though. I can't stress highly enough that our job doesn't affect his job. If we weren't there at all, or didn't stay long enough/turn up early enough in the 'cleaning and maintenance window of time' to get everything done, then he would have a problem and I'd sympathise, hence me not calling in sick without 24 hours notice. But half an hour isn't a practical problem for him, he was probably just suffering from built up tension worrying that we'd not come in at all. So I sympathise with that too. But felt put out at him (not myself) anyway.

I felt put out at myself for being so angry all morning at everything. Glad to hear that you've also had the rage, though, IYKWIM.

Na, they're just quite responsible people is all.

And, FWIW, most days the time they are there has no real effect on me. But some days, for any number of reasons, it does matter. Plus, it's just courteousness to arrive at the agreed time, I'd be pretty pissed off if they took it upon themselves to decide that the tine I choose for them to start/finish wasn't important and just turn up whenever and expect to stay later.

So now my health is a matter of irresponsibility. Riiight.

He didn't choose our start or finish time, someone else did. Same person who doesn't mind the 'window' method. Should have probably stated at beginning if I'd known there'd be confusion, that the guy in question is one of many and is also merely a manager, not my manager. Repeating that it didn't affect him today and that yes I can possibly know that obviously won't help. Gonna go eat some ice cream.

offers DSM ice cream

OP, whilst I sympathise with early pregnancy symptoms (having been there twice) I think YA definitely BU.

Whilst you might be certain that your time can be made up at the end of the shift, it is very rude to assume that your manager would be fine with you being so late. I am quite sure your manager was worried that he was a couple of staff down and his 'snarky tone' was probably annoyance at your nonchalent attitude at being very late for work.

I am glad the situation is resolved though and I hope you are feeling in a better mood tomorrow

Ryuk, I get what you mean over the rage thing

I've got to say you are making me chuckle, you were late and then angry at everyone else. You do know that YAB completely pregnantly irrationally U here don't you?

I don't think that your rage was particularly irrational, and I'm not sure that hormones were what drove it. We all have occasional "rage against the world" days when life isn't what we'd like. It sounds like you are pretty unhappy with your lot, and from the description of your job that's probably not too surprising.

In your scenario you were making your partner later, so it wasn't particularly unreasonable for him to say that, but he was probably also annoyed with himself, so I suspect that played a part too. I don't think that being reluctant to get up or making sure that you ate were unreasonable things to do, but clearly they had an impact.

Your manager had the right to say whatever he liked about your lateness. You were in the wrong and had no right to be rude, and it sounds as if you were very rude.

The trouble is that bad moods can be very infectious, and easily lead to a spiral of anger for all involved. Sometimes it's just better to say that you are in a really bad mood so that people can decide to reduce their interactions with you until you have calmed down, and I think it's always better not to assume things that they have no particular reason to know (like your manager knowing you are pregnant, or your partner knowing how much not eating woudl have affected you).

Personally if I had a job I hated that meant I had to get up very early, I'd be raging every morning!

Thanks for the ice cream .

Your health isn't in question. Are you an unhealthy pregnant? If so, fair play but you could have said. Most people take pregnancy for what it is, rather than a state of unhealthyness but okay, you don't.

Honestly, really hope your day today, and from here on in, is/are better than this. You sound vulnerable and as such, I hope you enjoy the rest of your pregnancy in a better light.

If you're worried about job security then I would change your attitude regarding your pregnancy somehow justifying rude and inconvenient behaviour. I would NEVER speak to my boss like that, particularly if I was in the wrong! YABU.