to eat curry?

[curryeater]

We ordered curry. As usual on Fridays.
But, unusually, I paid with my money (in cash - as opposed to money from joint account).
We had an argument. About me being drunk. I drank too much, during the day. I have to stop. I feel bad about this. DP poured all the wine down the sink. I had a bath and went to bed.
I got hungry (to do with not eating enough when drunk) and got up again to go downstairs and eat curry. P scared the crap out of me by leaning over the banisters and telling me to "just go to bed, please" in a weary, angry tone. I sneakliy polished off the curry, anyway, and feel really guilty about it because a. he usually has re-heated curry for brunch on saturday, and it's all gone now, and b. he told me to go to bed.

Tell me:

a. it is ok that I ate all the curry, I paid for it and I was hungry, so, so what.

b. if I am awake at night when I "should" be asleep it is up to me to deal with that anomoly how I see fit, and I can't be told to go to bed like a baby, and if I have a bad history of drinking too much then even still when there is no drink in the house I can wander about in it like an adult or a free agent.

I drink too much. Help me.

But, he is out of order to try to send me to bed, yes?

It's easy to say, but hard to understand, that feelings need to be felt, experienced, thought about. You do not need to be scared of them - they are there to help you understand yourself and your past experiences. You sound as though you are very scared of your feelings, as though you are at the mercy of them so you either shut down and ignore them, feel overwhelmed and panicked by them then drink to obliterate them. It really is possible to learn other ways of being. Don't write off counselling because you've had a bad experience - it works when you're ready for it. Having a child is one of the best motivators to start understanding your own destructive behaviour so that you don't pass it on. Anyway, I really must go to bed now! GNx

thankyou, grace and just13.
bawling my head off now.
good night all.

Hello Curryeater, thanks for being so frank and open (refreshing). I don't think your being unreasonable to eat curry at all - I had a curry tonight too . I stopped my social drinking as soon as I found out I was recently pregnant and am also trying to wean off 10mg of Citalopram which is what I was using for anxiety. Tonight my bf went out with his mates tonight (world cup), I am feeling anxious and wanted him to come home after the game, but he wanted to stay out and play. I find it hard to be on my own and go to sleep knowing he is out there somewhere trollied. Anyway we had a big row, and alot of really awful things were said, me from my hormonal irrational self , and him from his drunk irrational self wanting to watch immature videos with his mates. I'm also feeling very anxious because of withdrawls from both my usual two large glasses of red wine to relax (a crutch) and now the citalopram. I feel sick so don't want to be around drink. I am a highly emotional person and find 'creativity' a great way of focusing ones feelings. I don't know if you enjoy any kind of creative hobbies, but it's a great way of shifting focus away from drinking to block feelings that should be expressed. Tonight I drove to a dark layby, after crying and driving around in a blind stupor to try and grab hold of my irrational hormonal emotional self and saw the stars against a black sky it was about 1am. i'm normally well asleep by then, but I kept saying to myself 'get back to that center' - and remember.. It had been raining, and the smell brought me back to that center of calm and connection without the aid of alcohol. I am back home now, in my center, in bed, still a bit sad but accepting it's hormones a flyin' and no longer pining for somebody else to make me feel safe, the Universe just send me a loving message in the form of a beautiful starlit night, a sense of smell, and it actually feels really good to be sober and in touch with my feelings. Sending empathy and support.

Hi curryeater - how are you today?

Hello

Thanks to all you lovely people for talking to me last night, and to Bamerley for a great post I read this morning. Singsinthebath, thanks for checking in.
I'm fine, hungover, obv, not as much as I deserve to be (just as well I ate the curry). Ashamed of being such a pita to DP and of writing such self pitying drivel. Time to change.
I have to go out tonight for someone's birthday drinks, DP is staying and I am going to go out feeling brave and meet some new people and not have a drink and have to regret being an arse having met some new interesting people but bored them and forgotten their names. I am tempted to stay in but I think it would be better to do something positive, not let my friend down, enjoy having a laugh sober, and make the world's biggest fuss of DP tomorrow - he is a brilliant dad.
When I get home tonight, sober, I am going to re-read the Jesuswhatnext thread.

Thanks everyone for all your help.
I will bury this name change I think, this is no way me at my best.

Please don't feel any shame about what you posted last night - none of us are judging you, we're all totally rooting for you. Good luck tonight and keep posting x

Bamerley, I hope you are ok. I gave up citalopram too when I thought I was pregnant (I wasn't, but I was the month after) and I was shocked at how crap it made me feel - I hadn't been on it a long time or on a high dose and I think it is very misrepresented in terms of what withdrawal is like.
So good luck and well done for doing it. I completely know what you mean about being in touch with your feelings and the smell of rain really struck a chord with me.

Well I won some and lost some tonight - didn't make it to the drinks, the trains were all messed up and I had to turn around and go home. Didn't drink any booze either though. No great achievement as I really don't feel like it at all. Tomorrow is another day.

Good night to anyone reading this.

G'night, curry

I'm guessing that BG is an invader from another site, based on a quick search of his/her other posts, so I have asked for his/her post to be deleted.

Sorry, curryeater that this has happened on your thread.

Well done for not having a drink this evening.

Agree - ignore BG and stay focused on your recovery. One day at a time - well done for today.

I doubt that very much, BG. Piss off back to petrolheads, or wherever you've come from.

At least have some empathy/sensitivity re the issues that are being posted here.

BIWI - well said.

OP - hope you're ok, just ignore it.

Take care curry and good luck

Dear Curry

I am sure you now realise that this bit of your OP

"I drink too much. Help me."

is the only relevant bit and the rest is tosh, yes?

I can remember thinking (and almost believing) when I was drinking, "if you had my girlfriend (I am a man)/job/life, you'd drink like I do." It was only when I stopped drinking with help and started looking at what was behind it that I realised that, if you drank like I did, you'd have my girlfriend/job/life!

The good news is that you can stop, you can turn this all around, and it will not cost you a penny. Lots of people use lots of different techniques - AA is the only one that worked for me, but I am sure others have different experiences - but what they all have in common is a moment of realisation that drink is the problem, not the solution; that moderation may work for some, but it doesn't seem possible for them; and, more important, that as long as they drink, it is going to get worse, not better. Sometimes they find this hard to believe. "This is as low as it can get," they think. "Nothing to lose - I may as well keep drinking." They find that they are wrong. It always can, and does, get even worse.

Happy to talk more, on this or on JWN's thread, if you think it will help.

S

Bump for Curry

(Hi Miflaw have been following JWN thread with awe, and I could read your threads all night ).