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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want people to stop play-teasing DD for her toddler pop belly?

27 replies

bellbottom · 18/06/2010 22:03

DD is 2.5 and has always had a pop belly. Shes normal weight and height and extremely healthy. Not at all fat. But the pop belly looks set to stay for a while.

People tease her and have fun about it saying ' oooo, look at this, What a big belly!". Its kind fo sweet and could be funny, if I didn't feel deep down that it's just not a good idea.

I truely believe that our self image plays an important role in our lives. I feel that the way we visualise our bodies can shape what happens to our bodies. If we think we're fat we will be. If we think we're thin we will be. etc.

I just worry that DD will identify herself as having this and that may stick with her as she's growing up. Maybe even end in a complex.

Am I unreasonable to ask people to stop? I know they see it as harmless fun. But should I too?

OP posts:

RobynLou · 18/06/2010 22:05

not unreasonable at all.

compo · 18/06/2010 22:05

Pot belly surely

compo · 18/06/2010 22:06

Anyway yanbu but it's just something to say, not malicious

BelleDameSansMerci · 18/06/2010 22:07

YANBU at all. My DD (2.9) is the same and I love her little tummy. I get cross when people play tease like this and always say "It's a perfect little tummy, isn't it DD?" quite pointedly. They do tend to get the message

werewolf · 18/06/2010 22:08

Ask them to stop. Perhaps with family, ask them out of dd's hearing, ie before they make the comments about her pot belly, IYSWIM.

llareggub · 18/06/2010 22:09

YANBU.

My mother always commented negatively on mine and the memory of it has stayed with me always. I have quite a negative body image as a result.

I must say that you sound like you have a very healthy and sensible attitude and I am sure that comments others make will register with her less than yours will.

Shitemum · 18/06/2010 22:11

DD1 6yo sometimes calls DD2 3yo 'a pot-bellied dwarf' she means it kindly, I think...

{wonders if we've been reading too much Roald Dahl...}

LadyBiscuit · 18/06/2010 22:13

No YANBU at all. My mother went on at me at how fat I got when I was pregnant (put on precisely 1 1/2 stone which I lost within the year) and then about how fat my DS was when he was a baby. And lo! As a 3 year old he is now such a skinny minny I have to sew elastic into all his

It still makes me cross

cornsilkey · 18/06/2010 22:15

For adults to make comments like that is rude and thoughtless.

Firawla · 18/06/2010 23:13

yanbu people have said it to my ds too and it really gets on my nerves, i dont know how come they dont realise it is rude?! they would not say to an adult..

thecoffeelady · 18/06/2010 23:31

YANBU, People say the same thing to my DD (25 months)I hate it, she is just the same as your DD, she is quite tall for her age but is not in the least bit chubby, but people comment on her little belly and it really gets on my nerves. We own 2 shops and if customers are not commenting on dd pot belly they are telling me how HUGE my bump is, Grrrrrr some people

proudfoot · 19/06/2010 00:55

YANBU. It is a very rude and unnecessary comment to make!

prozacfairy · 19/06/2010 06:29

YANBU. My DD (2.9) has a bit of a pot belly and I too am sick of the comments. She's started to talk about her "big fat belly" alot recently although she laughs about it I worry that it'll only be a matter of time before she gets a complex about her body like I had (and still have now)

belgo · 19/06/2010 06:50

YANBU. My MIL told everyone at a party what a fat bottom one of my girls has, compared to her cousin, even if it had been true it would had been an incredibly rude comment. With four girls in the family all close in age I am very anxious not to make comparisons between them.

As it was everyone looked at my mil as if she was mad as dd1 is tall and slim.

thesecondcoming · 19/06/2010 07:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Songbiirdheartsfootball · 19/06/2010 07:54

I don't know, I think you may be being a little oversensitive here (and I think I'm in the minority). It's likely it's being said with affection. IT's one of the few things many people comment on with children in as much as they wouldn't go "ooooh hasn't he got a huge nose". It's normally because they grow out of it.

I always used to say it to my ds, it was huge, and it stood out because the rest of him was so skinny. I used to blow raspberrys on it and tickle him. He used to laugh now he says "remember when I used to have a big belly" it's fine. My dd has a pot belly now and she gets the same. She think's it's funny and pulls up her top and sticks out her stomach so that I can blow raspberrys on her (before anyone starts - to me, not any random body on the street).

The thing is if you make it a big deal, they'll make it a big deal. If it carries on for years and years then I would have a problem with it but as for now, if it's within the family I don't see the problem.

seeker · 19/06/2010 07:55

Explain that the reason toddlers have pot bellies is that their internal organs are too big for the space available, and as she grows her abdominal cavity will grow too, so there will be room for her intestines to fit in and then she'll have a flat tummy.

But don't make too much of it - quietly ask them to stop while remembering that toddlers do like having "who's got the biggest belly" competitions! Or was that just mine.....

BubbaAndBump · 19/06/2010 07:59

I'm with songbird on this - I'm surprised more of you aren't realising it's a bit of fun teasing (said, I hope, with the nicest of tones?) - I love my DD2's gorgeous fat tum-tum as we call it. She loves her food and while she's only 20m old and therefore doesn't understand as much, I think if I got oversensitive if others pointed it out (which they do, but in a kindly way), then she'd start thinking of it as a problem, which it isn't.

If your DD was obese and it isn't puppy fat that she'll likely grow out of, then it might be a different matter.

LadyBiscuit · 19/06/2010 08:22

Given that llaregub said that she can remember not liking it, I think it's fair enough to challenge.

BubbaAndBump · 19/06/2010 08:27

But surely not from when she was 2 and a half??!

DunderMifflin · 19/06/2010 11:25

Sorry but I think it's also a bit over-sensitive - she won't get a poor self-image unless you give the impression that having a normal toddler's pot belly is wrong.

My DS's got a fat tummy and we all love it - I'll be sorry when he grows out of it!

JaneS · 19/06/2010 11:57

It's the liver, isn't it? Toddlers (and babies) have a disproportionately large liver, so it makes their tummies bulge. Nothing to do with fat!

Original poster

bellbottom · 20/06/2010 21:30

thanks for your comments everyone.

I do agree it can be fun and playful and part of me thinks it's ok and normal etc. But the other voice in me speaks louder and says it's getting out of control.

Having read your advice I think I'll try and strike a balance. I like what BelleDame suggested and I think I'll use that one for strangers. And then I'll go with werewolfs advice and speak to family and close friends and ask them not to do it. Combined with this I'll try and remember it won't last forever and make an effort not to give her the feeling it's an issue. As yes, that does do more damage indeed, I agree.

OP posts:

imamissandamummy · 20/06/2010 22:07

No you are NOT being unreasonable!
People go on to me and my dd about her 'mad hair' (v.curly) and are always touching it, saying things like 'looks like a nightmare to brush' 'oohh, its crazy' etc etc, she now cries and wants straight hair like mummy
i think that ppl should consider if their comment would sound rude to an adult, and if it would, then NOT to say it?!
poor little things! x

TenaciousMe · 20/06/2010 22:57

My 18 month old has a pot belly and an umbilical hernia! She loves nothing more than to lift up her top, push it like a button and shout BEEP BEEP. We blow rasberries on it and dp taps it like a bongo drum! I think it's probably less damaging if it's something light hearted that they're encouraged to have fun with, rather than make it an elephant in the room that people are worried about mentioning.
It's not like commenting on a big nose or something IMO, as people know it's just a toddler thing that they all grow out of

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