to feel incredibly aggrieved and aggressive?

[theressomethingaboutmarie]

So DH and I went away for a night last weekend. We left our wonderful DD with SIL (who has FIL staying) for the night. When we left, she was distraught; we reassured her that we would be back, gave cuddles etc.

We return on the Sunday afternoon to be told by SIL that DD has been really good, very happy etc. Good, I'm glad my little girl is adaptable and that she quickly perked up after we left. FIL said, "she didn't miss you, you know". I said that it was good that she was adaptable, comfortable in her surroundings and always has faith that Mummy and Daddy are never gone for long. He just wouldn't let it lie, turning to other saying, "she didn't miss her mother you know". I felt pretty angry that he was implying (with evident spite) that my DD didn't care whether I was there or not.

I spoke with DH afterwards and he said to ignore him and how silly of FIL etc. Cue FIL and DH going to a family friend's house one night (DD was in bed so I stayed at home). DH reports back that FIL kept saying to the friends, "she didn't miss her mother". DH was rather bored by now and reinforced to the group that our DD is comfortable, adaptable etc.

Should I just ignore FIL or accept that most people he speaks to about this subject will think he's being silly. I'm a FT working mum so have enough guilt without him implying that my DD doesn't give a crap about my presence.

Ignore. Seriously. Just ignore. These things can only get to you if you allow them to.

Ignore. People will think he is being daft. Your DD is clearly secure and happy.

Ignore the silly old fart.

I get the same. At 6 weeks with crying colicky baby 'What have you done to him?' from FIL, endless flash photographs in babies face straight after birth no matter how many times I asked him not to; he always ignores what I say. Its competitive and I TRY not to rise to it because when I do it causes major issues and I end up feeling guilty on top of other guilt.. I'm working too with stay at home father.
You do have to ignore but YA NOT BU

Ignore.

Difficult I know, but it´s his problem that he´s a spiteful old sod!

My MIL was always trying to prove that she could do what I couldn´t-they´d eat all their meal "for her", stop crying "for her".

We moved abroad.
They have never visited.

My children know who really loves them!

YANBU he's being an arse. You've got a secure baby and you ahould be proud.

Probably best to ignore- he's either really dense and insensitive, or actually (I hope not) wanting and pushing for a confrontation. Sounds awful- my MIL is capable of this sort of thing -flash photography all over the place, has already fed DS (9 months) chocolate cake from her finger "because she felt sorry for him"- whatever that's supposed to mean... Anyway, with these people, it's always about them, rather than the baby. Don't give him the pleasure of a reaction.

YANBU. But, as others have said, don't confront him - just ignore. IME, these sorts of people never apologise.

If you confront, it will simply give him 'ammunition' to talk to others about how ungrateful/paranoid/insecure you are.

My FIL makes tactless remarks, but not going on and on saying the same thing to everyone thankfully.

On his last visit I was putting the carseat onto the rest of the pram he asked me seriously whether it was too sophisticated for me

I keep promising myself I'm going to say something the next time he says something, but I never do cos I know it'll just kick off an enormous row.

He's an unthinking idiot sometimes, but as I don't have to live with him, what do I care...poor MIL

Ignore the spiteful old git. FIL was like this and I always smiled sweetly and thanked him for his opinion, despite wanting to slap him

Thanks for the feedback. I forgot to say DD is nearly 3; we've had 3 nights apart from her since she was born so we're hardly neglectful parents. I guess with fools such as FIL, I'm never going to win am I?

Christina1971, given FIL's previous form, I'd put money on the fact that he's pushing for confrontation. Clearly he's got nothing better to be doing.

He does seem somewhat lacking in tact. he could have been trying to reassure you that she had been fine as she had been crying and needed reassuring when you left.

I wouldnt get worked up about it though and just be relieved that she was quite happy being left.

Would have been far worse to come back to a distressed crying child who had had a miserable weekend becasue she was missing you so much.

Smile, move on and know that you can leave her again quite happily without worrying about her in the future.

My MIL has said exactly the same thing to me; 'sorry careerminded DS didn't miss you at all'.
It is very hurtful and I am not sure why she thinks I want him crying for me.

YANBU - of course she missed you, but as others have said she is secure knew you would return.

He is an arse and you are clearly very good parents. Ignore him- that's the best way you can wind him up!

It sounds as if he was trying to assure you that she was fine. And maybe he was quite proud of the fact that they managed to keep his gd happy without his mum hence the going on about it to other people.

Why do you feel guilty about being a FT working mum??? Maybe you should tackle that, rather than worry about what your ignorant FIL is saying. You've no reason to feel guilty at all .

Some children are very independent and others aren't - don't think it's anything to do with whether mother is working or not. It's in the genes, if you ask me. Just smile, and be glad your child's an independent one.

Ignore - it's fantastic that your DD is secure enough to be without you. Maybe she didn't miss you but that's just because you've done a great job in bringing up a secure balanced kid who knows and trusts that you will be back soon enough & she can get on with the novelty of staying elsewhere.

If she did or not your FIL is either a knob with little awareness so he wouldn't know really would he? or what ORMRENEWED said

But I bet she did ask for you at bedtime!

My Grandma - Dad's Mum - loves even now to tell the tale of how I used to stay at their house one Friday a month once I was 3 and about how I didn't miss my parents and always ends with 'she never wanted to go home!'. Total PFBGC syndrome. My Gran doesn't have a mean bone in her body and adores my mother (says that she couldn't love her more if she was her own child) and would be horrified to think this story has ever upset my Mum (I asked her once and she admits it did but knew Gran wasn't being malicious). Gran tells and retells it because she adores her grandkids and has always felt so proud that me and her have a special bond.

Now, your FIL could indeed be being an arse and getting all competitive about who your DD loves the most, but he could just be a really proud GF who's had the time of his life being at his beloved GD's first sleepover but he doesn't know how to fully express his happiness about it in a very suitable manner. Older men were taught to stifle their emotions totally, so he could just be expressing himself n a really annoying and tactless way. The fact he's repeating it could just have been because he's thought up a phrase to describe his happiness and is sticking to it. I'm sure if MN had been around in the 70s my Mum might've been posting something similar about her MIL crowing about DD not wanting to go home and everyone would've slagged my poor Gran off, who never meant any harm!

Only you know if this is part of a wider picture of him being a twat or a one-off. If it's a one-off, chalk it up to him being crap at explaining how happy being with your daughter makes him

I don't know why people are saying ignore. You should call people on the twattish things they say, otherwise they will keep saying them. Next time he says it, reply 'Yes, so you've said a million times before. It really is rather boring to keep repeating unpleasant things, not to mention rude.'

I'd say 'well she must get it from DH then as he says he was always pleased to see the back of you'.

YANBU at all, if you were irked by it, chances are that he damn well knows that it will irk you, and is rubbing it in - especially as he is going on and on about it to everyone else.

Just smile sweetly and say "I know, it's great, isn't it? Her confidence shows what a fabulous mother I am." That will REALLY rile him up!!!!