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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my DD to get lumbered in the 'chav house'?

48 replies

HobbitMama · 18/06/2010 12:59

I think I probably am B a bit U about this, but need to get it off my chest -
my DD's off to a (lovely) secondary in Sept - in fact, the one I went to. They now have the school divided in to 'communities' which seem to be akin to 'houses' in HP - there's a maths one, a Literacy/languages one, a Performing Arts one, a Humanities one, and a PE/Science/DT one.
Apparently the latter one is rumoured amongst the Year 6's as 'the one they put all the chavs in'.
My DD, is into English, Drama, Art, has just started piano with me, and does tap dance, choir and tennis during the week, so all in all more arty than sporty.
Her BF, with whom she's with, doesn't seem sporty or sciency in the slightest, but does have a stepdad who teaches PE in a nearby secondary.
I can't help but feel that it's this association that has got them into this community, and feel that my daughter's just been declared to be a Slytherin, when ANY of the others would have been preferable.
The one she's been put in seems to have the worst record for rewards and behaviour, so I'm worried that this is just going to discourage her from trying at all eventually, and she's angelically behaved at school at the moment.
Of course, I can kick up a stink about this, but will probably feel really petty doing so and obviously would only do so if DD wants me to. But it also means that DS, now 7, will be put in the same community - and he's ALSO more arty than sporty!
Is it really such a big deal? Or am I having a strop over nothing?

OP posts:
Firawla · 18/06/2010 13:00

I wouldn't mention the chav thing but if you wanted to query it just say that you were suprised because she is more arty than pe?
ask dd what she thinks, if she is okay with it just leave it though

OrigamiYoda · 18/06/2010 13:01

You have got it all wrong she has been put in Gryffindor. YABU

purpleturtle · 18/06/2010 13:02

You seem to be reacting to a lot of 10year old hearsay at the moment, which does seem a little unreasonable.

You don't need to 'kick up a stink', you need to get some facts.

scurryfunge · 18/06/2010 13:07

If you perpetuate the stereotype of that group, then you are setting her up to fit in quite nicely with that negative image.

Maybe she has been placed in that group because she is likely to be a postive, assertive role model for others. What does chav mean anyway to a bunch of kids?

OrigamiYoda · 18/06/2010 13:10

Do they really put the children in houses according to their talents. That sounds very unusual and like a lot of work for the school. They would have to go through all of their previous school records to find out. Is that what they do ?

GetOrfMoiLand · 18/06/2010 13:13

Oh fgs OP read your post back to yourself. You sound utterly deranged - grow up.

Houses are PSHE - funnily enough schools are not like Hogwarts and she will not spend all her time with these people to the exclusion of others. All it will amount to is tutorial, assembly and competitions at most. In reality it probably will mean absolutely nothing and have no discernable effect on her education.

And stop listening to 11 year old's gossip.

AMumInScotland · 18/06/2010 13:13

I find it hard to imagine that the system is the way you've described it, so I think you relly need to contact the school directly and ask how their system works. Schools don't normally limit what they expect children to do based on streaming before they even start, so I doubt that the "community" they are based in would affect their subject choices. And they very rarely lump all the "chavs" into one house - the point of houses is generally to mix up children from different backgrounds to give an "even mix" throughout the school.

So, I really think the impression you've got of how this works cannot be correct - go to them direct to ask, the playground perception may be based on a rumour from one child's experience which has been built up into an entire conspiracy theory.

Sassybeast · 18/06/2010 13:14

YABVU. Agree with getting some facts before you start labelling.

NanKid · 18/06/2010 13:17

YABU and horrifically snobby. You sound quite mad.

Original poster
HobbitMama · 18/06/2010 13:24

SF - I quite agree, and I wouldn't dream of saying all this to DD, and if she doesn't want to move I won't do a thing. And yes, of course I've thought that it may be the case that she's there to be a good example - but perhaps some of my reticence comes from the fact that I had bullying problems for the 'chav' girls when I was there, and dread to think of her being singled out as the one to be picked on because she's in their tutor group so they'll identify her as a 'nerd' first?

OY - it goes on

  1. siblings
  2. mix of abilities, learning attitudes & genders
  3. friendships/undesired pairings.

This is why I think that the BF was put in there, so that BF's dad's mates can keep an eye on her, so DD was placed there by association.

But if it isn't about their strong subjects, why have all the teachers from that department in that community and not split them up as they've done with the students? It just doesn't make sense!

PT - true. I've looked at the website and she's been put with a science teacher, and that community is the only one with info on learning approach, rather than basic info about teachers. So will try and find out more!

OP posts:
OrigamiYoda · 18/06/2010 13:24

Nans extreme point of view

NanKid · 18/06/2010 13:27

I don't think it's extreme. I could have said a lot worse ( I did in my head).

'Chav house'

How old are you?

LittleSilver · 18/06/2010 13:29

what on earth?

notagrannyyet · 18/06/2010 13:32

It's just a way of spliting DC up in a large school. There will be a mix of abilities in all groups I'm sure. It's just the normal older sibbling talk trying to put off/scare the new little ones before they come to the big school.

LilMagill · 18/06/2010 13:33

How weird, the school system I mean. Way to pigeonhole the kids. I'd talk to the school and find out exactly what the deal is with these "communities" in the first place, then decide whether or not you want to question which one your dd is in. At least in "Slytherin" she'll be with her friend, look at it that way.

LilMagill · 18/06/2010 13:36

Weird I mean because of the way that (perceived) abilities in diff. subjects apparently come into play. No probs with the usual houses system.

Original poster
HobbitMama · 18/06/2010 13:37

35, and a fairly sane 'cello teacher, or so I thought! As I said , I do think I'm being a bit U to be thinking this, but when it's the weekly reward and behaviour scheme involved, I think it could potentially be quite important to her self-esteem.
GOML - true - it may not mean much in the grand scheme of things - but like all of us do, just want her to be happy and have teachers looking out for her who like her. I'm worried that all her 'care' teachers are going to see her as unimportant as she's not going to be one of 'their' stars. Unrealistic perhaps, but I have worked in schools, and not everyone is as fair towards pupils as they should be, whether they mean to be favouritist or not. Sweeeping statement, yes, but it was seriously the one she mentioned that she didn't want to be in, so just think it's not the best of starts to the next 5 years!

OP posts:
Lizzylou · 18/06/2010 13:39

This is bonkers.

Just go into school and get her moved into the arty house.

Or perhaps they'll use the sorting hat on her first day?

Original poster
HobbitMama · 18/06/2010 13:44

That's just it LilMagill - if it wasn't subject based I really wouldn't have a problem! But when it's so clearly divided into 'directorates' it's as if they've already declared that she's not going to be a writer because she isn't good enough to be in the literacy community. (for example)
Ridiculous, I know, but it seems to be a big sacrifice to her esteem for the sake of her being with her BF. And next year they mix the tutor groups into multiple years so they may not be together then ANYWAY! (sigh)

OP posts:
Original poster
HobbitMama · 18/06/2010 13:46

lizzylou.

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 18/06/2010 13:46

My DS school has 3 "houses" - and they are divided up by areas of the school, so yes all the science teachers will be in the same "house". But that doesn't mean that those children get any more science teaching, or are put into higher sets. It's just a way of dividing up the school into workable areas.

Tutor group rooms for one house are likely to be clustered together, since subject areas are clustered together.

If the children are being divided by what their interests/strengths are at the moment, I can only think the reason would be so that they have a form tutor who is also strong in that area, who can therefore give them a little more guidance than otherwise.

Whatever house your daughter is in, there will be a range of children from different backgrounds - and she is as likely to be bullied by a high-achieving girl who is under a lot of pressure at home as she is by what you conside to be a "chav"

Maylee · 18/06/2010 13:51

Sorry, but when you start a post using derogatory terms like "chav" and demonstrating snobby views, you tend to lose credibility (IMO).

So now, because of your seemingly snobby views and continuing derogatory language (what makes your DD any better than the "chavs" in the PE community?), I couldn't actually care less about your "problem".

Perhaps when you learn to respect everyone, regardless of class, background, etc you might actually get some respect in return.

DinahRod · 18/06/2010 13:53

Get some reliable info first on what sounds a very daft system - talk to head of year - and then if they really are pigeonholing children then ask dd to be pigeonholed in a way that reflect her interests and talents.

runnybottom · 18/06/2010 13:54

Bonkers as conkers.

SoupDragon · 18/06/2010 13:57

Quite frankly, I think the school is bonkers splitting chldren into communities based on subjects.

That said, you, OP, are also not behaving in a particularly sane manner but, then again, who does when their precious children are at stake?