Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this petty?

48 replies

KittyTwoShoes · 18/06/2010 11:52

My younger (teenage) brother is visiting me at the moment while my parents are away - he is not trustworthy to stay home alone. He arrived last night after dinner and said he was hungry - I volunteered to make him choccy cupcakes if he'll nip down to the co op with me in the car for the chocolate, as parking is a nightmare.

I wrote him a list and gave him £20 and told him he could pick himself up some sweets or something too - the list said, "Large bar of chocolate, Milk, Bananas."

We get home, I take the bag and change from him, there is 17p change and he has bought beer, crisps, sweets... and none of the items I asked him to pick up. Grr! I can't afford to just throw away twenty pounds on crap like that, especially when he didn't even ask permission.

This morning, I offer him a lift across town to school to save him getting the bus. He goes on a rant because he wants to drive my car in - he hasn't brought his car from home because, in his words, he doesn't see why he should pay for petrol when I've got a car anyway! I tell him he can have a lift or get the bus but I need the car to get to London later - besides, he drives too fast and uses his phone and ipod, and is generally a dangerous driver. Pop in the shower, come out, and he's driven off in my car leaving me with no way to get where I need to be except to pay a fortune for a taxi, and no door key to get back in the house afterwards.

AIBU to make him give me back the 20 pounds he wasted and refund the taxi I'm going to fork out for? He seems to think I am being petty but I don't think he should treat me like this.

OP posts:
hobnob · 18/06/2010 11:56

YANBU. Of course he shouldn't treat you like this.

glastocat · 18/06/2010 11:56

YANBU. He sounds like a little shit.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 18/06/2010 11:57

Not petty in the slightest. I think I'd be inclined to phone the police and report my car stolen. I am well known for over reacting though.

belgo · 18/06/2010 11:57

No of course you're not being unreasonable, it sounds like he expects to get away with whatever her likes. He needs to start acting like a grown up.

I'd be tempted to call the police and report the car and keys as stolen.

saslou · 18/06/2010 11:57

He is taking the piss and if you let him get away with this his behaviour will not improve. I would definitely be making him repay the money and I would tell him that if he takes the car again without permission, you will report it as stolen

mummytotwins · 18/06/2010 11:59

YANBU plus he took your car without your consent, which is illegal, phone him, tell him he has 30 minutes to get the car back to you or you will be phoning the police, and yes get your £20 back what a cheeky little shite!

hobbgoblin · 18/06/2010 11:59

Is this for real?

WTF did you offer him a lift this morning after buying beer with your money.

Do you have a tattoo on your head saying Mug?

MizDemeanor · 18/06/2010 11:59

YANBU Get a cab to his school and get your keys and car, and give him an earbashing in front of his mates.

SolidGoldBrass · 18/06/2010 11:59

Send the little tosser home - if he's old enough to drive, he's old enough to stay in the family home by himself. How dare he treat you like this? He is basically stealing from you. What would your parents say?

ActuallyMyNamesMarina · 18/06/2010 11:59

You could report your car as stolen - if he's pulled over that might make him think twice before pulling a stunt again.

Of course your parents may have something to say asit sounds like they probably indulge him

CoronaAndLime · 18/06/2010 12:05

Send him home.

Not your problem.

Original poster
KittyTwoShoes · 18/06/2010 12:08

hobbgoblin, I was trying to make an effort to clear the air after he bought the beer. Clean slate and everything... obviously I won't be doing it again!

sgb, he's not responsible - last time he stayed at home by himself he and his friends trashed the place.

I don't know if going to his school will help as they'll probably just all snigger at me and back him up. His friends all think I'm Terribly Unreasonable because four years ago I refused to open the door to him and his friends at 2am - was sick of nobody taking keys with them when they went out.

Could call the police though... plus he's still my little brother, even if he can be a right little tosser at times (like now) and I'm worried about him driving around the way he does...

I'm glad I'm not being petty!

OP posts:
hobbgoblin · 18/06/2010 12:10

Do your parents take the same (wet) approach with him as you do?

I do feel sorry for you but I can't believe you don't get the link between trying to appease him and him being a w@nker.

minipie · 18/06/2010 12:10

Little toe rag.

I'd send him home, unless you think that would be letting your parents down.

If he's going to stay, I suggest you hide your money, car keys and any nice food and don't do a THING for him.

2shoes · 18/06/2010 12:11

how old is he?

belgo · 18/06/2010 12:12

is he insured to drive your car?

Peabody · 18/06/2010 12:12

YANBU. But you do need to set some boundaries with him and explain that a) crossing these boundaries is unacceptable behaviour and b) crossing these boundaries will have consequences. And establish what the consequences will be.

Otherwise, your relationship with him will suffer and may get to a place where it is very difficult to repair. Good relationships are built on mutual trust and respect so this needs to be developed.

Hope you can work things out.

ThatVikRinA22 · 18/06/2010 12:13

why are you doing this for your parents? im sorry - but i did the same once, took in my half brother who was 18 and an addict (but they forgot to tell me that particular nugget of info)

i ended up asking him to leave after 9 months of similar shite - i think you may have to toughen up a bit. your children are your problem - your sibling is your parents problem.

he sounds like a real brat and not your responsibility.

ThatVikRinA22 · 18/06/2010 12:14

if he is not insured for your car and he gets pulled over your car will be seized and its a hefty sum to get back.

id go and get the car back.

scurryfunge · 18/06/2010 12:15

I would report the taking of the vehicle to the police, he probably isn't insured to drive yours,is he?

TottWriter · 18/06/2010 12:15

I'd report the car stolen. When he gets arsey about bein pulled over you can say, sweetly something along the lines of:

"But I had to report it stolen. After all, I'd told you you couldn't take it, so what was I supposed to think had happened? That you had ignored the person feeding and housing you and decided to borrow my car without asking me when I needed it myself?"

And you need to get your parents to back you up when they get home. I'd also be refusing to put him up again if I were you. If your parents don't trust him alone, then clearly they shouldn't leave him. It's sad that they won't be able to go away, but that might make them sort him out. Otherwise I can see you having years of this sort of issue.

thumbwitch · 18/06/2010 12:16

not petty at all. The little sod needs to grow up FAST and start taking responsibility for his actions, and to that end I would be informing the police that he has taken the car without consent as well. OTherwise he is going to continue to steal from you and probably the rest of the family.

If you don't man up and start to sort this kind of shit out, your parents need to do so when they get back. Utterly irresponsible to allow him to get away with it.

scurryfunge · 18/06/2010 12:16

If he is not insured and gets stopped and you have not reported him taking it, you run the risk of also being reported for permitting him to drive it uninsured.

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 18/06/2010 12:17

Could you get a taxi to his school and take your car back?

I would be very tempted to call the police and report your car stolen, but if he ends up with a criminal record then that's only going to make him more of a millstone around your parents' necks.

Could you call the school office instead, explain the situation and see whether they can help?

I might well also call your parents and point out that your brother has in the space of his first twelve hours stolen your money, your car and your keys and you are not prepared to host him for the rest of the planned period, so you are sending him home and it's now their problem.

Debs75 · 18/06/2010 12:17

Belgo You make a good point, if he is not insured to drive your car and he has an accident your insurance is invalid. Plus you know he is in it so are you not liable?

Personally ring him tell him to get his arse home with the car or you report it stolen