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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave dd alone in the house?

41 replies

funkychunkymunky · 17/06/2010 22:01

DH and I are going to the neighbour's house tomorrow night for a bbq. The house is next door to ours. My DD is 7 months old and refuses to sleep anywhere but her cot on a night.
My DH wants to put her to bed as usual and go to the bbq with the baby monitor. We can see her bedroom window from the neighbour's garden and would actually only be about 6 metres away from where we would be sitting if we were in our own back garden.
The doors would be locked, we would be able to hear smoke alarm etc through monitor.

Just something makes me feel a bit uneasy... I'm pretty sure I wouldn't feel like that if there was a gate between our gardens so why should I be bothered when there isn't?

I have said to DH that I definitely won't go in their house to watch the match.If everyone goes in then I will watch it in my own home and come back after when everyone is back in the garden. I would feel really uncomfortable otherwise.

WWYD? To leave or not to leave?

OP posts:

funnysinthegarden · 17/06/2010 23:11

The quandary that is AIBU. To empathise or not to empathise. That is the question

carriedababi · 17/06/2010 23:19

can't see how it's differnt from sitting in your own garden tbh.

fruitloafrocks · 17/06/2010 23:19

I'm far too tired to have feelings that I can't explain let alone understand what they might mean....

violethill · 18/06/2010 06:33

I think we're all agreed that there is no logical reason. If you are not far from your baby, you can hear her over the monitor, there is no extra risk that you are creating by being in the neighbour's garden... then there is no problem.

However, if you just don't feel happy, because you have physically left your territory, and it somehow feels wrong, then don't do it.

That was what I was getting at in my first post. It's a psychological barrier, but a barrier nonetheless.

piscesmoon · 18/06/2010 08:07

I agree that there is no logical reason but I wouldn't be happy-which is all that matters.Do what you are comfortable with.

chaosisawayoflife · 18/06/2010 08:33

I've done it and do it now. DD is 2. Our back fence is low so I can climb over it to get back into our garden, or go round the front. Monitor works perfectly and although I had a small panic about it a while back and wondered if it was wrong, I decided that I was happy that she was safe and nothing could go wrong that wouldn't go wrong if I was in my own house or garden iyswim.

colditz · 18/06/2010 08:36

put a stool on either side of the fence, lock the front door and all the front windows, leave her bedroom window open and enjoy yourself.

She is at no extra risk whatsoever. Child protection is about risk prevention.

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/06/2010 08:41

personally i wouldnt do it , but compared to some hugehouses that i have worked in,the childrens room is miles away from living room and i only have a monitor - so its prob further distance where i am compared to where you are

tbh i would take your baby and let her sleep in a buggy

i would also think about trying to get to sleep in other places ie buggy/travel cot/car/friends bed etc(fab she sleeps so well in a cot) or you will make a rod for your own back when older as means you can never go to friends/relatives and stay

maybe pratice using a travel cot at home with a special blanket/toy etc and then if get invited out somewhere you can take travel cot and your dc will still sleep where ever she is iyswim

Portofino · 18/06/2010 08:49

We had a party recently where the neighbours all came. The couple from across the road took their 4 month home to bed, and I was a bit when they returned with the baby monitor an hour later. Difference to me is that you can't see their house from our garden, and the baby monitor didn't work that well unless you stood at the front door. He was fine obviously and I think maybe people seem to worry less over here....

I WOULD have gone next door, but not further away.

Burkoid · 18/06/2010 08:51

Hmmm i wouldnt do it either i have to say. dont know why really but as a lot of people have said, its an instinct thing and i think as mums, our instincts are one of the most powerful things we have when it comes to bringing up our kids - and a lot of the time, dads just dont seem to have it - they think logically, practically, sometimes even selfishly, whereas with us, our connection with our kids is more physiological. And almost always we will put our children first before us - whether thats about eating, sleeping, social life etc. On the whole i think thats a good thing, as long as we dont go as far to lose our self respect and let them walk all over us when their older! (Am sure the match wont be that good anyway!)xx

mustrunmore · 18/06/2010 08:52

I wouldnt.
But when the kids were that small, I didnt even sit in our own garden if they were inside the house! Just cant hear things on monitors, I proved that by making tiny choking sounds upstairs which dh didnt hear on the monitor downstairs.

lazarusb · 18/06/2010 12:41

I have a basic rule- if I feel uncomfortable, then don't do it. Go with your gut feeling.

patienceplease · 18/06/2010 12:46

I would. But wouldn't leave older children though - they are mobile and could get into problems. But at 7months with a moniter - I don't see a problem. (neglectful mother here too clearly!)
My parents have a big house and garden and we often sit out in the evenings and leave DC in bed asleep. It's FAR further away than going to my neighbours (semi).

Firawla · 18/06/2010 12:51

yabu! it's really not right to do this kind of thing, whether they sleep and don't wake up its just wrong to take the chance, and not a normal thing to do, anything could happen to her...
i know people will probably be like 'ffs its not the same' but if you think you can leave her just cos she is sleeping, it reminds me of madeline mcann. dont take the chance, either take her to sleep in buggy or one of you go home @ her bedtime, or just keep her up a little bit longer

onebadbaby · 18/06/2010 13:01

I would leave her.

fearnelinen · 18/06/2010 14:48

I would, and have. I left DS as a baby and went next door, for a footie match again I think! It was a little terraced house and really less than a metre from sitting in my own garden. We put the TV by the open patio doors and bob's your uncle.
The only thing that I was worried about was not being able to see the front door or get there quickly so DP practised jumping over the panelled fence for emergency situations!!!!! A well placed trampoline helped! We also did checks every 20 minutes or so (but dare I say it, this was before Madeleine McCann??)

However, if you don't feel right, there's no point, you'll have a rubbish time. Sounds like a good opportunity to get baby sleeping in the buggy ready for future nights out!!!

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