AIBU taking out my wrath on SIL since abusive/controlling DH conveniently died?

[ipodmama]

SIL had cut herself off for a couple of years then came back just before DH passed away. then she was 'there for me' every two weeks! within a week of him passing she made it clear she wanted the kids if anything happened to me ( shes never had her own and her DH hates kids ). I've made arrangements for them not to ever live with her and told her by text. Just can't bring myself to talk to her at the moment and have told her by text again she should postpone any up and coming visits. I felt like she was picking up in the control stakes where DH left off. I just can't stand her and I'm wondering if I ever will. Shes not nasty so AIBU ?

ipodmama - it's your grief and you must deal with it in the way you find most effective. If this woman is making life harder, then tell her you need 'space' for a while.

So YANBU.

YANBU.

you need time for yourself and to sort out all of the emotional stuff.I think what mammy t has said about being polite but firm and saying you need your space is a good idea.

Sending much love,mavisx

YANBU
tell her to back off. I'm sorry about your DH, but she's nothing but the childrens' aunt now and as such you can restrict contact to 2-3 visits a year and nothing else. Doesn't sound like you need that.

Something vague about needing space is just the job - it might be that with the passage of some time she'll become a useful aunt for your DCs to have, but give it time. She has to earn that useful aunt position, really. Just give it time - vague and non-committal is the way forward.

...it is quite possible that her primary motivation is to help you, even if she is perhaps a little hamfisted in the attempt..

But I accept that help can be difficult to accept in this circumstance. It can feel like a challenge to competence in coping with the kids...

...so I understand that you may feel much better off without this 'help' at the moment, but take the advice of others and try to put her off gently. Believe me, you may need her in future years..

YANBU.