to keep a record of my husband's illnesses and complaints - sorry, I mean "illnesses" and "complaints" and yes I know I'm BU

[tortoiseonthehalfshell]

I'm just having a petty bitch, really.

My husband is always ill. Or his back hurts. Or he hasn't slept in a few nights.

Every morning I get an update on how he's feeling, as if I couldn't tell by the groans and moans and various dramatic stretches.

I do understand, really I do. He grew up in a family where emotion was frowned upon, but illness and infirmity got you instant attention since all the women in the family are nurses and half the men are doctors. I do understand. And he does genuinely have scoliosis, and weak joints, and he's probably genuinely prone to tummy complaints and I know I'm a bit freakish in that I never get sick and my perspective is skewed.

But it's EVERY day that something's wrong. I've got really callous. "Ooh, my neck's really sore" "well, it would be, you haven't complained about your neck in a month or so, it's probably feeling left out".

It would be unreasonable of me to start logging the complaints so that in a month's time I can show him the list of things that've been wrong with him and sarcastically suggest kindly that he see a professional about his chronic conditions, wouldn't it?

yanbu. It's bloody annoying when they say they feel a bit nauseous when there you are throwing up for hours every day for 3 months with morning sickness!! And yet despite falling apart and being unable to function without groans etc they won't see a doctor to get some help to stop them feeling so bad - sigh!

Oh and he has a boil on his back at the mo. (big spot!)
Funnily enough he's never that ill that he cant sit down with a beer?!?
I know if Im ill I dont feel like drinking. I think I am gonna keep a man flu diary as well!

lollus @ this thread. My partner is a rank amateur in comparison to some of yours but I totally recognise the style. Yanbu!

"Ooh, my neck's really sore" "well, it would be, you haven't complained about your neck in a month or so, it's probably feeling left out".

I'm sorry to be commenting on an old Thread but it just made me laugh sooooo much that comment.

It's exactly the same in our house - something always hurts with the OH or he hasn't slept well etc.

I'll be using that 'must be feeling left out comment' one of these days, and then he'll sulk for a week

My exh used to be like that, if I had a cold he was dying, etc ad infinitum. Now, with my dp it's the other way round...but I am preggers so I'll hopefully go back to normal... maybe.

DH's latest ailments:

Sore Elbow

Sore Ear

Sore Eye,

Sore Toe (convinced it's gout, blood test say it's not)

Tablets for said gout give him:

Sore stomach

We get a cancer scare most years, he's had endoscopies, sigmoidoscopy, test for prostate problems... oh, I could go on.

His bedisde draw looks like Boots Pharmacy.

Thankfully, none of these ailments affect his appetite.

OP - you HAVE to watch the Michael McIntyre sketch where he and his wife argue over who had the worst night's sleep. Hilariiiioouuus!

Sounds like my DP - he is always sore back/tired/aching/felling ill - I think his mother only noticed he was alive when he was ill as child but when i suggest he may need to see a Dr he won't.

I am also never ill and have also got a bit tired of it. Last time he said he felt sick I said it was because I was poisoning him.

My DP does this thing go one better (or worse as the case may be!) where he always has to -

If I say I've got a headache, then he has a migraine, If i say I'm hungry, he's starving, If i say I'm tired, he's shattered etc etc...

Think they're all the same, certainly my ex was he did

sinusitus
hayfever
bad back
bad neck
bad toothache
bad headache
tight hamstrings (lol at that one)
flu (mild cold)

One night I callously left him with the DDs and went on a girls night out only to be called back home by DD1 saying Daddy was very very ill. So I left. Reluctantly.

He had meningitis ffs. Only viral though he was v v disappointed afterwards that it wasn't the real thing lol but he DID manage to ring the Rector the day he came home from hospital so he could pray over him

I'd shout "topper" every time he does that and tell him that toppers are annoying. It may stop him doing it.
I'm very unsympathetic to minor health moans and would tell my husband he's behaving like my grandad not my husband if he went on like that and does he intend to spend his life as one of those old folk that you dread sitting next to on the bus as they regale you with a list of their ailments.
I think moaning about your helath more than once a week on a regular basis is just being a misery. OK it may be sore but listening to other people moan is boring and energy sapping. Some thoughts are best kept to yourself.

I used to be a bit like this

Until one day my now exDP asked me how I was. 'Fine' I said. He exclaimed in surprise and delight and wrote on the calendar 'No aches and pains today!'

I was very embarassed and have been much less of a hypochondriac ever since!

Karma has seen to it that my now DH has spent the last month complaining of nausea and a metallic taste in his mouth. I am 8 weeks pregnant.

Oh I so feel your pain!!

My DP is exactly the same, always takes time off work for'a bad stomach'.

If I get ill then he automatically gets ill too.

He has had diarrhea 4 times in the past month but wont go the Doctors.

Oh and he is always too poorly to do the dishes or get up off the couch to do something useful, but can always manage to go to training.

I have to say... this was a part of why I ended my marriage. I know it sounds a petty reason, but when it's day after day with something else wrong - constant groans with every movement - trying to best everyone else's ailments - it is so wearing. So, so wearing.

Whoever said they'd put up with this for 20 odd years, you are a saint, I tell ya

Sounds like some of these chaps need to man up!

OMG I can feel your pain.

An ex boyf was just the worst - even faked a stroke to avoid going out in the rain to get milk once

My current OH is not so bad but I'm been on a highly toxic treatment for 6 mnths, feeling like complete shit and dealing with my 3 DCs and work alone with no family about and him here only on weekends and when he calls he still manages to tell me how tired he is, what a bad headache he has or how much his back is hurting before even asking how I am - if he even does

Are most men not like this?

sounds like my dp, there is ALWAYS something wrong with him

At the moment it's

1. he's got a sore foot
2. his neck has got a crick in it
3. he has sore throat

If there is something up with me, which is rare I get

drives me mad

ON a day to day basis my DH mostly complains about his tiredness.

He saves his best illnesses for a big social occasion that he does not wish to attend. The number of times I have had to go alone to things because of his headache/bad back/sickness etc etc

I know a lot of people with chronic pain and illness get little support from their family. There are many support groups on line, so perhaps you can find some and get him to join up. There he can vent and get sympathy and support for his problems from others in the same boat.

Oh, dear, I'd forgotten this thread. But now it's been bumped:

I've had a racking cough, fever and chills for going on a month now - it keeps almost getting better and then worsening again. Yesterday morning I coughed so much I made myself throw up. I'm not sleeping, etc., etc.

Anyway, I went to the chemist for some cough medicine on the weekend, husband drove me because I was feeling too shit to drive, and the chemist said that it almost sounded like whooping cough.

Come out of chemist with medicine (shivering in five layers), say "chemist thinks it's whooping cough". He says "wow, my cough's been going on even longer, I wonder what that means I've got".

He does not have a cough. I think he's counting "clearing his throat/having a bit of a tickle" as a cough.

My mum complains to me about every little thing UNTIL I asked her,"what are you telling me your symptoms for, I'm not a doctor".
She saw my point, and now when she starts off I interrupt with a loud "...Anyway, ..."

I love your suggestion needafootmassage... cheeky!
Ladyanon - blimey!! It must have been heavy rain

I've forbidden my DH from making 'old people noises' when he climbs stairs, gets up from a chair or has to load the dishwasher.. you know the groaning and huffing!

I have stopped fussing over him (learned response) with Lemsips/ medicine when he is ill, or fretting about his temperature, and hey presto, he gets a Lemsip himself if he needs one and gets better, all on his own!

Now only DD gets my fussing!!

Sorry you are sick,whooping cough needs antibiotics, so get yourself to the doc. Hope you feel better soon.

God, it's horrendously unattractive isn't it?
Just tell them it turns you off shagging them. That makes them have a rethink, bbelieve me.

Also, just ignore comments. Don't respond at all, no reinforcement whatsoever. Even irritation and exasperation reinforce them as you are responding.

Having said that, yes I agree, Torotoise, the neck being left out comment is hilarious.

Oh, I'm so mean now. When he came out with wondering what he had, since his cough was longer running than my cough, I said "yeah, but your cough consists of you saying 'hhhk hhhk' every hour or two". He's very good about my mocking, these days.