For feeling let down?

[jaabaar]

This was 4 months ago.

Home for emergency c-section. Husband stayed off work 2 weeks with me. Day he goes back I catch a flu which lasts 3 weeks. After him being back at work one week, he had an operation. After op he was not allowed to carry anything etc.

So, I was ill with high fever, after major op. Husband had to go alone to hospital for his op and he needs help with recovery.

I call sis in law and say I cant cope very well as I am so ill.

She says:
You are not the first and you are not the last. Pull yourself together!

I did not want help just someone to listen.
She has 3 kids and her mum babysits all day every day and evenings, cooks for her, cleans for her etc. Her brother takes kids swimming, hair cut etc. ANd she says she knows what I mean and to pull myself together. Made me feel I am exagerating.

It was very difficult time and it did hurt me. Felt so bad for my poor husband having to go alone to hospital for op and come home alone too.

I knew before I had child that we would have to cope alone. But I thought a phone call wiht a listening ear was not impossible....

Sorry typo: Home after emergency c-section. (not for)

YANBU to feel let down!

What a bitch

yanbu
You've got her number now though

She hates it if someone elses problem just seems to be a bit bigger then hers. Always been like that.

Whenever you say something she says. Oh me I have 3 kids and did it all by myself. Right, when her mum babysits, cleans, cooks, brother takes kids out etc.

You give her a little finger she takes a hand.

paisleyleaf: Dont know what you mean. Thanks for reassuring.

She was making me feel as if I am a failure at the first hurdle...

I just mean you now know where you stand with her and not to bother expecting any kind of empathy from her.

YANBU. You have had a rough few weeks I hope you and your DH recover soon. Is there anyone around that could help you out?

what an utter cow you SIl is.

SirBoobAlot:
No, no one else. My family lives abroad, my friends too. Only DH family. He has two sisters. The other sister is 27 and always has "plans". The brother only helps sis with 3 kids. And the second brother lives in a home (disabled).

Now we are all better as this happened 4 months ago. I feel a tiny bit proud also that we came through it. My husband is very very nice, helpful, loving etc. We are a good team.

It's just sometimes there are emergencies where you need some outside help. Even if it is a listening ear.

What made me feel very hurt is, that she was hinting that I should expect all this as now I know what it means to be a mum and get on with it.

I could not have expected within 3 weeks from birth: a) Emergency cs
b) 3 week heavy flue c) DH op

If I can be frank, your SIL is a bitch. No one would be prepared for that, nor should they be expected to be!

You don't need to justify why you were feeling like that. It really is her problem. Anyone in your situation would have felt like that. To be honest I felt let down by family and I had only half of that to deal with. I hope that you are making some friends as it can be incredibly lonely (I was away from home also). Sounds like your dh is lovely though!

But what about your MIL? why couldn't she help her son's family in this time of need?
YANBU - I would be hurt too, especially on my husband's behalf.

What a cow, she sounds like a fucking princess.

Glad you got through it, sounds awful and if she couldn't have any sympathy then as paisleyleaf says, as leats you know what to expect from her.

Dropdeadfred:
MIL could not help as she is too busy looking after 6,7 and 8 year old of SIL. And her health is not too good either. She is exhausted and wants to cut down but SIL just dumps kids at door if she says no to Babysitting.

Me and husband were helping her lots, not because she askd but because we offered. (doing overgrown garden, shopping, getting kids uniforms etc).

My husband is a treasure. He feels very bad because his family is really of no use...
I keep telling him it is not his fault at all. Poor him helping everyone, then going alone to hospital for op wiht general anesthetic

Jaabar - sorry that sucks for want of a better phrase.
I ake it SIL is a single parent? Even so, she really needs to learn to care about other people.
I'm still shocked that his mum could not just 'not be in' for one day and come to your house. Your husband's brother should also be reminded that he has a brother not just a sister!