AIBU??? Offering two girls a lift to school?

[Manda25]

I stopped on the way to school this morning to buy something from a shop (i sent my eldest son into the shop). I watched two girls from my sons school at the bus stop - after 10 minutes they decided to stop waiting for the bus and to walk to school. As they were walking past my car my son arrived back and so i asked the girls if they wanted a lift (they are year 6 - although i dont know them particularly - my son yr 2 knows them and they know my son. We arrive in the playground early every day so they see me a lot)

They accepted the lift - but when they got out my older son freaked out a bit saying that i should know better then to give them a lift !! stranger danger and all that!!
Have we really got to the point where we cant give someone a lift ???

Am i BU or my son??

Hmm, whilst it was a very kind act - I would not have been happy with my DDs getting into the car with someone they vaguely know.

Ian Huntley was someone the girls vaguely knew. I drum it into my children that they can talk to people, but they never go off with anyone without checking with me first.

So whilst a nice gesture, I would not have been happy because I do not think children can distinguish between what is a stranger and what is not. Grooming is now such an issue, that I think all it takes is for someone to talk to a child for a few weeks that they stop being a stranger to children and become 'the man who chats at the shop' or 'Xs dad' or whatever. I don't think children are able to differentiate this kind of risk, and so I have a blanket ban that my girls can talk to people, but must not go off with anyone without checking with me first.

Helokitty - this was exactly where my train of thought was gong.... i almost feel/felt that although i know i am 'ok' i could be inadvertently be teaching the girls not be be careful! I am not sure if i over analyze things .... i wish i did know the parents so could have a conversation with them!! Maybe i will speak to the girls tomorrow.

I think it is a terrible shame and that you were being kind but YA also BU.....

Because you are normalising the accepting of a lift from someone they don't know well. You know you do not pose a threat, your son does and the girls probably vaguely recognise you, so no stranger, no danger. BUT, next time, it might not be so clearly OK and yet, and yet, because of your kindness, the girls are used to accepting lifts now. Or, if not "used", then more accustomed to.

Unfortunately, your act of kindness makes it more likely they will accept a lift in more dangerous circumtances because they did this time and nothing bad happened....

Sorry.

Crikey, I wouldn't want my kids getting into a car with a social worker

Sppechless at this thread.
FGS.

OP YANBU at all, some people need to stop thinking too much.

There are a combination of factors together that imo make it perfectly acceptable: they are a duo; are obviously fairly independent by yr 6 if they are catching the bus on their own; they see you everyday in the playground and you had your own children with you, so actually I think it's fine and as their parent would thank you. YANBU.

YANBU but very kind, in my opinion. I noticed SixtyFootDolls response on here - am I right in thinking that you're a Police Officer, SixtyFootDoll?

I am
And I am an advocate of good old common sense.

You are indeed SixtyFootDoll. And imho, if a Police Officer has no problem with it, the parents shouldn't either!

PS, rather you than me SixtyFootDoll. Brave lady!

"There are a combination of factors together that imo make it perfectly acceptable: they are a duo; are obviously fairly independent by yr 6 if they are catching the bus on their own; they see you everyday in the playground "

All of this applied to Jessica and Holly too. But the Soham murders still happened.

Op dont stress, you did a kind act and you had your own kids with you and they knew the little girls chill dont worry about it! Some people are over analyzing. Mabey those girls made a risk assment themselves and saw that there was no risk of harm. Would have been different if had been a lone man/woman who they did not know at all.

To the girls, they saw your kids who they knew and therefore felf safe to travel with you.

This is one of the reasons I am so glad I no longer live in the UK! Of course YANBU OP.

Oh, FGS. Of course it's reasonable to give lift to two girls from your son's school, while your son is also in the car on his way to the same school!

It's not 'grooming' them to accept lifts from strangers. If they can't tell the difference between the above scenario and a risk situation, they shouldn't be out without a minder. They get the bus in, so presumably they have got a degree of common sense.

All you people wittering on about Soham - has it never crossed your mind that the story is big in our minds because it's so UNUSUAL?

Don't you ever let your DCs cross a road, or walk across a car park? The risk of being run over is hundreds of thousands times greater than abduction. Not to mention the most common location of fatal accidents being in one's own home.

Hrrrmph.

YANBU. I hope they said thank you

Bloody hell, I often pickup random children from DD's school and transport them down the hill. I never even considered that I could be grooming them (although one little boy could do with some personal grooming). So glad I don't live in the UK with suspicion around every corner.

I'm always doing this - I have an 8 seater and I like it to be full if possible. I have my ds in the car, and I am in school a lot so every child in the school knows me by sight at least.

yanbu - how nice of you to help out. Give the parents a ring to explain - say they might like to call the bus company to see what the bus problem was.

YANBU: What IsGraceAvailable said

YANBU at all and it was kind of you to offer.

My only concern about giving/accepting lifts of this sort is whether or not the children have car seats/proper restraints (!). But I think since they are year 6 it is not an issue.

My only worry about this would be that I was involved in some freak car accident on the way to school (not necessarily my fault - say someone just plowed into me - this has happened to me before when I was stationary in a car)

This is admittedly unlikely but probably more likely then some of the other scenarios people are imagining and if it did happen, then having other people's children in the car would absolutely awful even if no-one was hurt.

I know this is very unlikely and it probably wouldn't have stopped me offering the lift in your place but it would have crossed my mind and played a part in my decision. So if the school was not far and on quiet streets so that traffic is more likely to go slowly I would. If I had to even briefly get on a busy A road or something I probably wouldn't

YANBU. You were being kind, considerate and exactly the sort of person you would want a child to go to in a crisis. The girls were on their own and therefore of an age to turn down a lift if they wanted to and you are sensible enough not to be offended.

YADNBU