To tell the school where to stick the "meeting"

[fernie3]

I probably am being unreasonable but I have spent yesterday "trying" to comfort my husband who seems to be sinking even further into depression and today trying to find a way to move closer to his family (for support) but finding out its not gogin to be easy or quick - cue more crying and depression.

My daughter has had alot of time off ill, starting with one episode of serious illness pevr a year ago now but since then followed by many many more, she catches pretty much anything - in he last 3 months alone she has had both chicken pox and scarlet fever as well as other more minor problems like coughs, sore throats etc. We have already been called into school once to "explain" her level of attendance which we did with letters from doctors and the hospital - obviously she has been having various tests etc so we prove that as well as the initial illness.

In the last meeting we were told that even when she was ill we were to bring her to school so that the school could send her home. I thought it was unreasonable to do that since we walk 2 miles each way to do it but we did it to avoid being accused of not bothering or as they suggested in the first meeting "taking holidays or long weekends"- which btw means that before we knew what was wrong with her we exposed countless children (aged 4 and 5) to chicken pox and scarlet fever. The school sent her home 3 times last term as she OBVIOUSLY wasn't well enough to be there.

Now we have been asked to go to a meeting with a "welfare education officer" who is apparently going to explain to us why its not a good idea for her to have such low attendance and how it will affect her education - I KNOW this she is behind, struggling with her reading - I KNOW she shouldnt be off but what exactly are they expecting me to do??

do I HAVE to go to this its insulting the way they talk to us and I am a little annoyed to be asked to sit through a talk abotu something we cant avoid.

I am thinking I might just call them up and tell there where to shove the meeting but my husband thinks we should just go along with it?

The school is just following procedure. If you don't want to go, then phone or write and explain why, sensibly. You will get nowhere phoning them up and telling them "where to shove the meeting". They have your child's education and best interests at heart.

Much sympathy. Whilst I completely understand your reluctance to spend your time explaining yourselves, I'd probably go to the meeting. Because if you don't they are more likely to think you don't care about your dd's education and I think you might well end up with a lot more hassle in the end.

YANBU to refuse to take her to school when she's ill though. That's ridiculous.

Turn it around - you have proof of the ilnesses - ask them how they are going to support you and how they are going to help your daughter catch up

I agree with Crabious, definitely put the onus on them to ask them what practical support they can give to you. It sounds like you have already done all that they have asked you to do. Take all the paperwork with you and provide copies to the officer along with details of all the times that you have taken your daughter to school only for her to be sent home. Perhaps ask the question as to how many other children have subsequently become ill as a resultof your daughter being in school when she really shouldn't have been. It sounds a big arse but whilst I would be like you and want to tell them to shove it I think you have to go but just stand your ground and be firm.

agree with Ezma lol - you have to look cooperative even if ita total PITA -

I would go along as well.

They're being a bit OTT if you've got proof she's been ill and the school has had to send her home, but you have to play along with them.

Just keep calm, make all the right noises, and hopefully they'll give a bollocking to the person who decided to get you in for the meeting for wasting everyones time.

I can't see what would be gained by telling them they're being twats, even if they are.

Put the ball back in their court - they want to meet with you - fine - at your home.

I assume they can come to your home as most schools do home visits for new entrants don't they.

Ive never with 4 children experienced a home visit and I wouldnt want to have one to be honest.

OP if you at all feel you can go to the meeting I would do so and I would as suggested turn it around. I would take the lead once everyone is there say something like so since we are all here I am assuming we are here to talk about how the school can support me to aid my daughter to catch up and look forward to hearing your ideas"

should take any winds out of their sails quick.

can you take anyone along? for support for you?

If you really don;t feel you can manage it then I would send the head a letter saying whilst you appriciate this meeting the timing is not convinient for you but you are able to attend (give them days say 2 weeks further on) so you have time to deal with getting your head around it.

YANBU to feel like everything is overwhelming you and I hope your dd will stop her period of sickness

Have been there, and agree with everybody else: go there, show the paperwork and ask (nicely) how they are going to support your dd.

We had this too, was told to take DD into school when she was sick so they could send her home including once when she ended up in hospital then got called into the school to meet the education welfare officer. Only problem was she never even turned up and never did bother making another meeting!

you DONT KNOW what the exclusion officer is goign to say
Maybe they will offer help?
MAYBE we all need to look out for kids who have a lot of time off for obvious reasons and tbh if i was included in that and i KNEW there was no issue I would be pleased that the system( post cases like Victoria Cilimbie ) are SO robust

what is her attendance rate?

agree with Cory. But I do think school are being wholly unreasonable expecting you to drag an unwell child on a 2 mile walk.

Maybe they are expecting you to drag the DC on a 2 mile walk because you are not cooperating. Go to the meeting, but be proactive from the start.Tell them that you are worried about the problem and you would like their input-what do they suggest? You would like to tackle it together. The school are not being difficult-they are doing their job and I'm sure they would be helpful, if you let them.

Agree with what Ezma said.

But I would also (either in advance or in follow up) put your position (DD's history, school's ridiculous direction to bring her in ill, etc.) in writing. Either in a "in advance of our meeting, I thought I should clarify..." or in a "to reiterate the details of our meeting..." kind of way. I do think you should put yourself on record.

In the school I teach at, there is a traffic light system to flag attendance problems. Above 95 is ideal, 93-95% is fine/green, 85-93% is amber and anything below 85% is red and the school will intervene. If a student remains on red for over a certain amount of time, the education welfare officer will get involved. I think most schools have a similar system, hope that helps a bit to understand where the school are coming from.

The EWO will interview you and probably set a target for attendance, which is probably a good thing. They'll then reassure the school that there are valid reasons and the school should stop bugging you for a bit.

They are there to support you, and I'm sure it'll be fine. I'm sorry it's come to this, but it's normal in cases of long-term sickness for the EWO to get involved, it's their job.

I am not sure they would be helpful- dd's experience has left me pretty jaundiced- but I do think you have to give them a chance; you can't know they won't be helpful if you don't let them try.

For myself, I found having all the paperwork in order and religiously attending gave me confidence if nothing else. I also found that though the school were totally obstructive ("yes we know that corydd is ill but you can't expect us to be happy about it!"), having the paperwork meant that I could get the welfare officer and Social Services on my side, so in the end the headteacher ended up pretty isolated.

If I could have my time with dd's junior school back the one thing I would do differently would be to be even more meticulous about always being in the right, logging every single incident and conversation, getting a record of every medical appointment, keeping a diary of dd's health, always staying scrupulously calm and serene and fulfilling every conceivable obligation on my part.

sounds like your home life is extremely difficult at the moment but that doesn't mean that your child can miss school.

Whilst difficult at least the school is interested enough to have protocols in place and not all do

as previous poster has stated it is all based on percentages and as I understand from my children's schools:

there is a national target of 95%
leeway given to 93%, sometimes to 90% dependent on circumstances
fall under 93% initial letter sent
under 85% EWO involvement
under 80% possibility of course case

just to add - I understand the reasons for your child missing school are ill health but school is within their rights to request medical notes from gp

as other posters have outlined, EWO automatically get notified if a pupil's attendance goes below a total level - so go to the meeting with EWO with an open mind - they are just doing their job, not picking on you.

Excellent advice from lonny; I agree take the lead and be proactive and above all GET IT IN WRITING!

shineoncrazydiamond - her attendance two terms ago which is when the majority of the problems happened (hospital visits and more serious illness) was 82%. Last term when we had an illness free time it was 100%, then the last full term it went back down to 87% because of the chicken pox and scarlet fever (chicken pox wasnt too bad but she was quite ill with the scarlet fever).

activate - my home life has nothing to do with her missing school I have taken her to school in all circumstances when she has been well enough (and at the schools request when she is not) no matter what is going on at home. I have already provided them with consultants letters, details of all the scans and tests she has had and with the scarlet fever the gp contacted them anyway as she had been into school while ill.

I am feeling a bit calmer today and I will be calling the school up to find out if they want any other paperwork from us in advance of the meeting, when I think about it I dont really see what they can do. I have sent her in 100% of the time the last two terms - in the first term I would have had to drag her out of hospital so i didnt. The school have sent her home so short of refusing to take her I am not sure what else I could have done. Hopefully it will just be a case of the education welfare person looking at this - I dont see what realistic action either me or the school can take to stop her getting unwell beyond what I am already doing.

fernie3, this happened with us. Despite GP letters, consultants letters and me pulling my hair out school kept threatening EWO. When they did contact me to announce that they had contacted her my initial reaction was to tell them where they could stick it, but I replied by email thanking them for getting the EWO involved as I would have the opportunity to prove what the school did not believe and get a better plan in action. Took the wind right out of their sails, they tried to stop the referral, but I then insisted that I meet EWO.

EWO will be helpful if you are doing all you can and you have all the medical evidence. I am sure she/he will tell the school not to be ridiculous in asking you to drag a poorly child 2 miles into school!! She/he can be supportive if they see that you are a genuine case. They SHOULD only be a pain to the parents that need it!

Whens the meeting? Hope it goes well and you get the support you need.