to expect sex occasionally?

[awaywiththepixies]

DH and I have not had sex since our youngest daughter, who is 5 months old, was conceived. Nor do we hold hands, touch, speak lovingly to one another or anything else. We now longer share a bed and he now sleeps on the sofa, supposedly so that he doesn't disturb me when he gets up in the middle of the night to see to our other daughter who wakes up several times a night screaming.

DH gets up in the night because we share the childcare- I get up to the baby.

We were intimate and then it just suddenly died the death. I'm sure there must have been something from his point of view that killed it all for him, just not sure what it was. I tell DH I'm not happy and he listens. He just never says anything or does anything and the next day it's as if the conversation never took place.

If this is upsetting you you should make him talk about it, maybe with a counsellor. Don't just assume that it will get better - it may or it may not. I am in the exact same situation, only my youngest is 2, and we haven't had sex since he was conceived, and it was going downhill before that.

My dh has high blood pressure and blames the medication for his lack of libido, but he doesn't seem to understand that there are other ways of showing affection. He rarely kisses me, absolutely never gives me a proper snog unless it's during sex, so never. He is quite overweight and snores horribly, so now he sleeps in the spare room. He works away a lot, and it feels like the intimacy and love is slowly disappearing from our marriage.

Like you I've tried talking to him about it, and am sick to death of the promises for change that never happen. He is fine the way things are and that's that for him. I wish I could suggest something to help you, but all I can say is don't let it fester for years; if it's a problem now then get a counsellor and start dealing with it properly. Good luck - I do understand how hard it is.

You are right to raise it with him. In my case I put it off for years - exactly same circumstances: no sex since the last child was conceived.
If you are getting nowhere with him, why don't you try going to Relate by yourself (not easy to arrange childcare etc, I know) but I think being able to be more articulate about why it matters to you and getting your thoughts/confusion about it in order will help. You will get a lot of moral support, and probably practical support about what to do or say next. Maybe you might want to go to Relate together in due course.
I do advise you not to leave it, even though you are both clearly exhausted with childcare, but you need to be 'in it together' rather than coping alone.

I do feel for you. My dp has never been affectionate nor particularly forthcoming in the bedroom. We have a 14 month old and one on the way (6 months pregnant), and we so rarely have sex and when we do it isn't worth it. I agree with the others you need to talk to him and see if you can establish why things have changed so much. (In my case it has always been poor but at the beginning I accepted his excuses, now I know better and he's just selfish and lazy).

It is tough when you both have busy lives and sleepless nights and some men just seem to have an off switch, I know mine does, which is why I try not to take his refusals personally, but you need to tackle this before it comes between you both more than it is already.

I have now reached the stage where I would prefer DP to sleep on the sofa as I'm not getting any affection anyway so I might as well get a decent nights sleep than listen to his snoring lol. good luck.