To ask DH to cook once per week?

[Psammead]

Quick background - I am a SAHM to a 5 month old, and a housewife. I basically avoid do all the housework and the majority of the childcare - DH changes the odd nappy, bathes her once per week and plays with DD in the evenings and at the weekends. DH works 9-5 with a half hour commute each way. I do all the cooking - well, until I asked DH if he would cook one meal per week.

He is doing it, although only when reminded - and sighs and moans a bit whilst cooking. It makes me feel guilty - but normally I am doing other things like feeding DD whilst he cooks, or sorting out laundry etc. AIBU to expect him to cook once per week, even though he works full time?

Should add, he doesn't sit around on his backside when he comes home either - he's often out in the garden working, or doing other around-the-house type things.

YADNBU.
When I was a SAHM with kids that young, DH did most of the cooking TBH. I was usually BF, bathing them or sleeping.
During the day I'd do most of the other housework inc laundry etc but with a 5mth old I was practically dead by the time DH got in.
When they got a bit older and I was still at home I'd cook far more, sometimes having it ready for him if he was late in.

He completely understood that although I wasn't in employment, I was just as shattered (if not more so) that him by 7pm. Being a SAHM is horrific in the first 6mths IMVHO. It gets agreat deal easier.

So, back to your point, YANBU and if he's not willing to cook for his wife and mother of his baby once a week then he's an arse.

YANBU- I try and get DP to cook once at the weekend and I'm a SAHM.

My DH cooks one meal per week. He works full-time, I do 75% of full-time, but it means I am usually around to have dinner on the table when he gets in (more or less)

On swimming lesson days, DCs and I are out when I would usually be cooking, so DH has taken on that job. It is fish fingers, oven chips and frozen peans and sweetcorn every single week. Drives me mad, but DS2 gleefully informed me that Daddy's a much better cook than me, as he turned his nose up at my lovingly and freshly prepared dinner this evening.

I don't think it's an unreasonable request, but suspect that my DH would actually be more useful doing something in the garden.

Why is it important to you that he cooks, if he is pulling his weight elsewhere?

YANBU - when my dd was that small dh did most of the cooking, but nothing else - I felt that when dh got home housework should a shared responsibity - under 1's are really, really hard work. TBH dh didn't really get how hard it was looking after dd when she was that tiny and it caused a lot of resentment and issues with our marriage - we went from equals to me feeling exhausted and undervalued. Then dh had to look after dd for a couple of weeks while I worked - his attitude changed dramatically - he hasn't complained about pitching in once since.

YANBU not at all.

YADNBU to expect that he cooks once a week but in my experience if he's not a confident cook you will probably need to give him an idea about what he could cook that night (e.g "there's some ravioli in the fridge and a jar of sauce in the pantry for tonight, love") and give him heaps of praise for what he creates.
Also, women have to keep housework in perspective in terms of all the other things that are required to keep a house going. For example, my husband doesn't cook often but he always makes sure our computers are working, that our gutters are free of leaves and that our sink is draining properly. OP, would you be prepared to change the lightbulbs or unblock the drains once in a while (and more importantly, do you)?

Kiwiinkits - the thing is, occasional jobs like unblocking the gutters or drains are not the same as the relentless daily bore of cooking.
How long does it take to throw some drain unblocker in the sink and leave it to work?

and I wouldn't consider it a proper night off of cooking if I had to think what we were having - that's the main chore for me, every day having to come up with some for us all to eat, I'm happy to cook if someone tells me what to cook - easy!
(I know I should menu-plan etc etc btw, but I'm disorganised as hell...)

I love cooking, and having someone take the baby so I can cook in peace was my idea of heaven when she was that age, so I'm the wrong person to ask, but if it's a massive chore for you, then I think it's reasonable to ask, sure.

My feeling is that when he's at work, you're at work in the house. When you're both home, you share home duties. He doesn't work long hours, frankly, and being at home with a 5 month old is pretty brutal.

Now that mine is 18 months, I do get annoyed when I come home after an 11 hour day and my husband (who's been at home all day with her) hasn't even started dinner, so I'm scrambling to get something on the table by 7pm so she can be in bed by 7.30. But that's a different matter altogether. One meal a week from a man who's only out of the house for 9 hours is hardly an awful thing to ask.

As for this:
Also, women have to keep housework in perspective in terms of all the other things that are required to keep a house going. For example, my husband doesn't cook often but he always makes sure our computers are working, that our gutters are free of leaves and that our sink is draining properly. OP, would you be prepared to change the lightbulbs or unblock the drains once in a while (and more importantly, do you)?

How often do your computers need fixing and your gutters clearing? Because our computers need a bit of a tweak once every six months, our gutters get cleaned after a storm or about every 3 months, and a lightbulb takes 30 seconds to change and hardly requires A Man to do it, FFS. And all of those jobs can be put off till it's convenient to do it (within reason).

Housework, by contrast, is every day, and it's unrelenting. If it doesn't get done every day there's no clean clothes, no clean dishes, no food on the table. My three person household requires 3 hours a day of housework to keep under control, and the occasional all-day deep clean. I have that well in perspective compared to changing a lightbulb. Jesus.

My DH has done the majority of the cooking since DS was born, because he did very little else. I was bf'ing long hours at the start because DS had a tonguetie - we got that seen to but it took a while for him to get used to shorter feeding times. I also co-slept with DS so got less sleep, and when DS went into his cot it was always me that got up to him because I was still bf'ing.

Now he's 2.6, I'm not feeding him any more but I still do all the night work, still change him 98% of the time, still do all bathing and putting to bed. So DH still does most of the cooking in the evening - I do breakfast and lunch for DS and myself and sometimes dinner. The reason why DH does most of the cooking becomes apparent as soon as I do it - when DH is cooking, DS mostly stays with me away from the kitchen (we are open plan so can't shut the door ) - but when I am cooking DH sits watching tv with his laptop open as well and DS is free to roam, which involves him getting under my feet in the kitchen most of the time!

DH does no housework apart from washing up a couple of times a week and unloading the dishwasher about half the time. He does heavy work, like cutting up wood, digging holes, mowing the lawn - but nothing in terms of tidying or cleaning the rest of the house, all of which I do with a 2.6yo trailing round after me or causing further devastation elsewhere.

So - op, YANBU, IMO.

My DH does all the cooking even though I am a SAHM (2.4yo and 18wk old). He doesn't do anything else round the house though so I don't feel guilty (I do all the cleaning/washing/tidying etc etc). It's all about give and take IMO. Being a SAHM is as much, if not more, of a full-time job than a full-time job.........the only difference is you don't get to leave the house to go to work!

Thanks all.

Nice to get a little bit of perspective. I feel like I cant decide what's fair anymore. In answer to various qus - I feel it's important because I do vast majority of housework and childcare, I am knackered and one day where I don't have to cook gives me a breather and a chance to get on with other, maybe less important things, with otherwise I wouldn't get around to.

With regards to changing lightbulbs etc - funnily enough, before DD was born I was the practical one. Banging up a couple of shelves, hanging pics etc - I'm in my element doing that. But I don't have time now, so he does it. Computer stuff he's always done as he is an IT consultant.

Thanks again