To want to put my DD in Nursery?

[PiscesLondon]

i'm a student, only studying 1 day per week atm, but from september i will be studying 3 days per week (5hrs per day) the course i'm going on is a wonderful course and will enable me to earn a good wage once i've gained my qualifications... i qualify for some nursery funding as my OH is self employed and his earnings are less than x amount.

MIL is retiring in july and wants my DD a couple of the days that i am studying. my mum's days in work differ every week but she has offered to have DD if it's her day off and i am studying. my aunt has also offered to have DD one of the days i am studying.

their is a wonderful nursery over the road from me, fantastic reports from ofsted, good staff to child ratio and it has come highly recommended from a couple of mums that i go to playgroup with. the nursery have offered my DD a place and have given me the opportunity to start taking DD for an hour a week to see how she is and to give her a feel for it. when/if my DD attends the nursery in september she will have just turned 1.

it's convenient for me if DD goes to nursery as i don't have to rely on other people (although i'd only put her in 2 days per week, MIL could have her 1 day as she has her the 1 day i study now and wants it to continue)also it saves me having to travel to drop DD off and pick her up and also because i believe it may be good for DD to mix with the other children. my DD appears to be very sociable already, she is not a bit clingy and will happily play with the other babies in playgroup and not look around for me once!

i've had a few raised eyebrows from family members and MIL, especially my aunt who is outraged! she feels if i am lucky enough to have family to help then i should go for that option. i feel guilty that i want my DD to try the nursery, although i'm contradicting myself as at the same time i hate the thought of her being cared for by anyone that isn't myself or close family, but i genuinely believe it may be really good for DD.

AIBU to tell them all to shut up and try my DD in nursery? WWYD?

thanks very much everyone. i know i have some thinking to do! i do feel i've made my mind up though, i'm pretty certain we are going to try nursery.

Outrageous - i will make sure they know how grateful i am, it's very kind of them, but just not hugely practical. some of my family are 'old school' though and i just fear i'll somehow be seen as a 'bad mother'

"Steve Biddulp called Raising Babies? It basically recommends that children under 3 don't go to nursery, for lots of different reasons - e.g. they need the one-to-one attention of an adult who really loves them. "

oes he also recommen to leave a minimum 3 year age gap between siblings? Complete an utter bollocks, which is simply esigne to keep women chaine to the kitchen.

Ther trouble is people can come up with all sorts of evidence / research to back up what they want to say.

Those who want to SAHM, will point to the evidence to say childcare is bad, babies are best off with mum. But then, let's not forget there is other research that shows children who have mothers that work part time go on to be the most successful later on in life. Trouble is - what research do you listen to?

www.guardian.co.uk/education/2009/feb/10/grandparents-childcare-pre-school

Now, I'm not saying one is better than another - I think there are swings and roundabouts to all situations, but I do not think we can naively say it is better to be with grandparents / childminders / nurseries or even parents per se. There is research to suggest that some children are better off going to nursery part time than staying at home with mum, but this is often to do with the home situation. But what I am trying to say is that there are no absolutes!

In my experience, I worked part time when my DD1 was young and she was with grandparents for 3 mornings a week, and at nursery two mornings. I found this an excellent compromise as whilst my parents offerred lots of love and attention, they also indulged DD1 greatly and I think she gained a great many social skills (not the same as playing, mind!) from being around other children. My parents were not interested in taking my DD to toddler groups, or doing painting or sticking or other messy activities. They didn't really do anything physical with her, save going to the swings. Therefore, I felt nursery and my parents balanced each other out. Nursery gave her all the experiences she would never have got from being with my parents, and of course she got all the love and care from my folks. But that is what worked for me. Every situation is different, and you have to decide what works for you. There are no easy answers or right solutions, its one of those things where yu have got to find your own way... but good luck and I hope you find a situation that works for you.

Also, on the evidence / debate front this article is interesting, and considers both sides of the debate...

www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/health/child_health/article7144876.ece?dm_i=2MN,6DMD,5SBSA, FVMD,1

Sylva seems to have done some interesting research, which if nothing else shows the whole debate is not all black and white!

I'd say nursery - more consistency, and no problems with your relatives being ill etc.

DS has been at nursery three days a week since he was 5.5 months, and I really value the time he has there - he gets to socialise with other kids his age, and does more activities and things than he does with me at home.

Pisces - just re your point "i do worry though that my DD is too young at the age of 1, for example she won't be able to tell me if she's upset or doesn't enjoy nursery."

I think you will be able to tell actually - my dd goes to a nursery 3 days a week, she's 22months now but has been going since 8 months old (a little too early I think, but that's what we had to do). She is always very happy to get there and reaches out to the girls who works there for a cuddle when I drop her off and I have never turned up to pick her up and found her looking upset or miserable in any way - she might be playing with one of the girls, or reading a book or whatever.

It is hard the first few times you drop them off, yes, but as you say you've got to do it at some point unless you're planning on homeschooling!

That's true as well - you'll see whether she enjoys it by her reaction when she arrives. Also, if when you pick her up you don't announce yourself straight away but stand back and watch her, you can see how she's getting on (good if you have a DD who cries when you leave but shuts up as soon as you're gone!).

DS is 19 months and runs in with a smile on his face when he sees the other kids.

YANBU. You know your child best and you are able to decide how you want her cared for. My DS goes to nursery two days and has a day with his grandma and this has worked really well for us. It's big commitment from a grandparent to be available every week, rain or shine. My DS started nursery aged 7 mths and loves it.

'it's convenient for me if DD goes to nursery as i don't have to rely on other people '

..except all of us whose taxes are funding your child's nursery care'

that's below the belt oldandgrey!

once again, thanks everyone. it's good to get a balanced view of everything.

oh oldandgreynow, that was a bit harsh! i've always worked and paid taxes, OH is self employed and pays ridiculous tax for what he earns. i've decided whilst DD is young i will try and further myself and my career by studying, it's only for 12 months. i assure you i'm not a drain on society!

Oldandgrey, do you approach ill people in nhs hospitals with the same line?
Or any other people who uses public services funded by "our" taxes?

Privetdancer - good point, i'm sure i will be able to gauge by DD's reaction when being dropped off/picked up.

'Oldandgrey, do you approach ill people in nhs hospitals with the same line?
Well if they were there unnecessarily I might?