To ask ds's friends mum NOT to come to ds's bday party?

[Pheebe]

Bit of background...she's fallen out with me BIG TIME. Well, more stopped speaking to me for unknown and unspecified reasons and is bitching about me to anyone who will listen. All very nasty and childish and I am doing my best to rise above and ignore but I refuse to do the whole fake 'polite in public' thing. As far as I;m concerned she either comes and talks to ME about what the problem is or she keeps her distance.

Anyway, my dilema is ds's party. Of course I want to include her dd they are very close friends despite her mum basically cutting my ds off from her (they go to school together) to the point where ds has asked what he's done to upset his friends mum. I do NOT want her at his party but do want her dd to be invited.

I think I probably ABU to ask that the mum doesn't come and should just swallow it but thought I'd canvas opinion...

How old are the children? I wouldn't normally expect a mum to accompany the child once they are school age. Just address the invitation to the little girl.

Why have this hassle in your home - don't invite her dd.

Is it likely she will let her DD come to the party anyway? Don't think you could ask her not to stay if other parents are staying...

TBH if she feels that way, she probably won't let her dd come.

I never expected parents to hang around, most seemed happy do drop & run. I'm sure she won't want to be hanging around in a bad atmosphere.

she sounds bizarre.
i would either just send the invite and assume she will either not let her child come, which is her problem, or that she will drop her off and ignore you
OR if your bothered about her spoiling it give her a ring tell her your son would like her daughter to come to his party and ask her what the problem is so you can get it sorted now and not be worrying about it on the party day.

what did you do! You must have an idea

call up like skeleton bones said and ask?

thanks, sorry, had to post n run last night. They are 5 and it will be a 6th bday so still quite small and most parents stay (not having it at home).

I don't know what I've done but know its been brewing since they started school last september. She got jealous when I helped organise an event with 2 other mums and since then she's set out to effectively 'take them off me' and ditch both me n ds and replace us with another mum and her ds. Really the whole thing has been breath-takingly childish (hence my rising above) but has hurt my ds deeply (and me if I'm honest as I counted her as a close friend). The whole situation is awful, the lies, looks etc so so juvenile. There's no way I can (or want) to talk to her to sort this out, the last convo I had with her we were arranging to go out together then BAM all this kicked off.

similar thing happened to me pheebe, some people are just not worth the effort and its a waste of time to persue any sort of contact or try to reconcile. i think some mums go back into schools and start acting like the silly school girls they once were.

thanks sowhatis, its good to know its not just me!

its funny because although I don't talk to people about it, loads of people have seen something going on and asked and I've spoken to 3 other mums who've had similar experiences with their older siblings

i'd love to know what goes on in their heads...

She sounds utterly pathetic. YANBU to not want her to stay at the party but will you actually turn around and say "your DD can come but you have to leave"

I wouldn't have thought parents of children this age would stay at parties anyway, regardless of where it is.

Also if she is being distant with your DS (even more pathetic than how she is being with you) I can't see her allowing her DD to come to the party.

Is she 12?

How ridiculous.

If she is being 'off' with your ds then I would have to say something. I certainly wouldn't entertain this behaviour towards los.

She is very much her dds 'agent'. her dd has to be involved in and at the forefront of everything. eg last year she organised a bday party for her in october then invited the whole class to a christmas party in her dds honor just over a month later. she is very attention seeking and has to be popular and liked by everyone so would definitely NOT allow her dd to miss out on something others were involved in.

dh thinks we should arrange a trip (swimming or something) for just a few close friends and just tell him his friend can't come as she's busy...

geek - she's very very sneaky. From a distance I've seen her barge ds out of the way and yet when anyone is close by she's sweetness and light so if I do say anything I show ds up and play to her attempts to make herself the victim. Its such an awful awful situation. there is absolutely nothing I can do except ignore it and her and try and shield ds from her. He has lots of other friends and is still good friends with her dd in school. I can't really see what else I can do

I was thinking of putting something on the invite like "In light of the bad feeling there seems to be between us I think it would be best if you could arrange for someone else to drop dd off and collect her"

DH thinks this will just create more trouble and I should just invite all, say nothing or go with his idea of a small trip with a few other friends

def don't write that on the invitation! adding fuel to fire.

i would do the small thing with a few friends and avoid this whole mess.

she sounds like a nutter.

Yes I think you're right, we'll go with something small and special. Its ds's day after all and I want it to be about him

Personally, what you want to put on the invite doesn't sound that bad. She started this ridiculousness, let her know that she isn't welcome.