family or nursery?

[tryingtobemarrypoppins2]

My DS1 is 2:6 years and attends nursery once a week and my mum and dad twice a week while I work, I am then home the rest of the week. This works well now, but the early days at nursery were tough and he took ages to settle. Partly as he only went once a week but mostly as the open plan 0-3 unit was more suited to older ones than under 1's.

In September I have to go back to work the three days. DS2 will only be 6 months and i am massively concerned about him going to nursery with his brother once a week, for the reasons above but also as they are open plan, having building work and not greatly set up for little babies.

I can't ask mum and dad to do anymore days but my aunt has offered. However she can't do every week, perhaps every 5th week she couldn't do as she works on shifts etc. Between our family we could juggle this but obviously this could be stressful on occasions and the continuity etc for DS2.

At 6 months I just want him loved and cuddled. I have looked at endless CM but haven't found the right one for various reasons.

AIBU to go with the family option?

Find another nursery? THere must be more than one nearby?

That would mean moving both though. Logistics of getting both their and both home etc..

Go for your Auntie.Nurseries are totally unsuitable for babies

as both a cm and a parent I would say try to minimise how many different places he will be looked after.

I have various children I care for but I have two siblings who are now 8 & 3 both have had various routines etc since they were babies and are both very unsettled children they struggle as they have various routines etc to follow. The oldest has mum, dad, Nanny, Grandma, School and my rules to remember the youngest has mum, dad, Nanny, Grandma, pre-school and my rules to follow. I would recommend one or two main carers whether that individuals or group settings.

Keep looking at cm's and nurseries but also find out more what your family could offer remember what works well will be a situation/setting you feel comfortable with

oh come on. auntie is never going to work. what don't you like about the other nearby nurseries ? what is the problem finding a CM ? i can't quite get what is going on in your head.

yanbu

you need to go with what YOU feel is right for your children.

that said, I would keep looking for a childminder or something, just to minimise the disruption tbh

Oblomov The situation with my aunt is that she has a rota for the next 2 months for her part time job. She will be able to do the 1 day most weeks but there may be the odd on where she can't. If my parents who would have him the other 2 days can't do that odd day I would have to ask my sister or other family member.

If I look at other nurserys I really would have to move both as I couldn't get to 2 nurserys and then to work. DS1 is now really settled.

The CM I looked at did LOTS of school runs, then pre school then back to school and I felt DS2 would be in and out the car all the time. There are off course going to be others but I felt that family may be more loving etc.

Why don't you look for a nanny share?

yanbu, if family are suitable I would always choose family over a nursery for a baby. IMHO and also the opinion of an excellent nursery worker I know well, plus friends who've been through it nurseries are not an ideal environment for a baby.

It sounds as though your gut instinct is telling you this anyway so I'd go with it, would you be able to speak to your parents about being flexible over which days they have your lo to fit in around aunties shifts?

I'd find a new nursery for both TBH.

I can't imagine a 6 month old in with nearly 3 year olds at a nursery will work particularly well.
And it sounds as though your DS1 will be moving into a different room at his existing nursery soon anyway. So better to move him too before that unsettles him (Although I appreciate moving rooms isn't as unsettling as moving nurseries)

You'll probably find that DS1 wil settle much more easily with this move that he did originally settling into nursery with him being that bit older and more used to you being away

The trouble is its only the 1 day. So in my heart I know DS2 would find a nursery really hard, let alone at just 6 months. I do really worry about all the toddlers in the same room too. I think in a year having them in the same place would work well, hence not wanting to move DS1.....I really think family is best, just may be a bit less straight forward at times!

I'd move both to a new nursery as someone already suggested

thesecondcoming I don't understand your post. Both children would only have 2 providers.

DS1 his grandparents and nursery
Ds2 his grandparnets and his great aunt

I think going to someone only once a week is difficult for little ones.

When DD was 9m (ish) I left her with MIL one morning a week.We don't normally see see MIL very much. She cried so much that MIL insisted I took her to the GP to check for an ear infection (I did and she was fine)

I also used to leave her with my mum, but because we saw her at week ends, and she would pop by during the week DD was always fine with her.

So if your DS knows your aunt a little, then I would definitely say that would be the best option.

LynetteScavo excellent point. Yes we see lots of aunt and her children.

My dgs 3.8 goes to private preschool 2 mornings,nursery class at primary school 2 mornings,home with mummy one day,2 afternoons with cm and 2 afternoons with me!!He is so happy and loves all of it.When he was very small it was cm,me and home which is what happens with his db[15months].It is the quality of care that matters.

I agree with pranma, it is the quality of care. If you know the person looking after your dc will be doing good job then they'll be happy and you have your peace of mind back.

It seems like you've already made up your mind from your posts. But I'm really glad I went with a cm for 3 days a week for my ds (5 months) as there are other children around, but fewer than a nursery - and she's cheaper. She's also really keen to develop and regularly goes on courses (outdoor play etc) in order to give the children the best learning opportunities possible.

IME 3 lots of childcare equals 3 times the potential stress for parents, which you can seriously do without when you have work commitments. Nurseries and CMs are a professional business arrangement, which to some is a downside, but it means that when you're not happy you can have a proper discussion and resolve things, whereas this is much harder to do when you have family sensibilities to worry about. Everyone I know who relies on family help has had no end of aggravation.

My DD goes to my parents one day a week, and some odd weeks sees them one other day too when we get together socially. (DH and I share the other four days between us).

She started this at 6 months and that one day a week has been enough for her to build up a very deep attachment to them. She doesn't forget who they are from week to week and they are clearly one of her "special adults", unlike any other adults in her life. You only have to say "where's grandma and grandad?" and her little face lights up and she starts squealing with delight.

I think children are very sensitive and pick up on your relationship with the potential caregiver and take cues from that. If your aunt is round your house and is someone you are intimate with and trust, I reckon your DS will pick up on that and take confidence from it. I think it really helps if it is family and a domestic setting - you will have been round at your aunts house and your aunt will have been round at yours.

We are hoping to keep this arrangement going for DD and any younger ones (DH wants four - not sure my poor parents could cope with that!) and only use group care as in pre-school once they are around 3.

I'd look at moving them both. I don't agree with people that are always anti-nurseries for babies (DS went from 5.5 months), but it has to be the right environment and you have to be happy with it.