to not want to stay with DP's brother?

[macdoodle]

Am I, am not sure??
Am single mum to 2 DD's age nearly 9, and 2and half, they are bright, lovely girls but lively shall we say

DP lives and works away, we are going on holiday with him in the summer to Scotland, where he is from and will meet his family for the first time.

His eldest brother and wife have very kindly offered to put us up for the first 3 nights we are in the city before we go off exploring.

But I am just not sure I am comfortable staying there with both girls the first time I meet them. It is more me being stressed and uncomfortable than worried about how my girls will behave, they are polite and well mannered!

The plan was to get a self catering apartment for those nights, DP is paying and can afford it, but I feel bad now refusing the offer of free accomodation and making him pay for somewhere else to pay??

Relationship with DP can be a bit strained at times, we have been together on/off for 18months, he is far more keen/serious than I am

Why would you be worried about staying with his brother and SIL? Surely as its a big family get together/meet up it would be nice to spend some time with them. Also your DD'S will get to meet their auntie and uncle and get to know them.

If you feel you should stay elsewhere, why dont you pay?

x-posts

if you really do feel uncomfortable about it then just say you dont want to impose and will just get a hotel/b&b. But imo if you are serious about your relationship then it might be nice to try and spend time with his family.

I think I understand, this is the sort of dilemma I can imagine myself having. Can you confess your fears to DP and see what he says? He might have a quiet word with his brother about your worries, so they'll be understanding if you're a bit stressed. Or he might offer to get an apartment so you'll feel more comfortable

Completely understand your feelings.

I would thank them for their kind offer, but decline, saying your youngest is up vvv early and you wouldn't want to disrupt them so much.

Then you can arrange to meet up with his family a bit more on your own terms.

It's really hard staying with family you don't know that well and you don't want to be treading on egg shells. Next time you go, you will know what they are like before you committ to 3 days staying with them.

They aren't his children, we aren't married, so they aren't really auntie/uncle!

I can't afford to pay myself, this holiday is his treat

Am still not sure if IABU and if this says more about how I feel about the relationship than anything else!

Have already discussed with DP, he is absolutely fine with it, understands why I am concerned, and yes indeed my 2 are early risers, and DD2 liable to have a meltdown if she is tired and hungry! We are going to get an apartment as planned, have a day out with them and dinner at their house one night, am still anxious about meeting them all, but happier not staying there

I don't think yabu. Maybe you will feel inclined to stay with them next visit, as you will at least know them then. It is ok to have a bit of anxiety and prefer to stay on your own.
Have a great holiday in Scotland.

Glad you got it sorted OP but as you say, it may or may not be a bit of an indicator of how your relationship is going! Interesting that you have chosen to mention it, sounds to me like you feel a bit guilty about the mismatch in your feelings?