To expect ex to bring children back at a reasonable time on a school night?

[passmyglassplease]

Am fuming, I agreed that the ex could have the children this evening for dinner, however I did not agree to them still not being home at 9.20!

They normally go to bed at 8.30, they will be suffering tomorrow at school, but hey never mind he always puts the needs of the dcs first (not)

I am fairly certain it is a ploy to wind me up and it sure is working

Am I within my rights to not allow him to see the dcs in the week as he can't seem to understand that it is their needs that come first and not his!!!

I initially agree with you, I too would be fuming. It is so difficult to get kids to sleep, and sleep is so important. As are rules in general.
But as with everything when we initially think due to our feelings/thoughts mixed ... wait and see ... what is his explanation ?
just incase through inexperience he just made a mistake. Maybe kids playing up to him ? (He not wanting to say No, to be good-time-Daddy?! this can sometimes be down to Dad, or down to the kids if they're old enough to know how to manipulate)
Best of x

Did you stipulate a time for them being home? If not he will say "I didnt realise/you didnt say what time they were to be home"

How old are the children? I suppose it depends on their ages whether YABU or not.

The children arrived home at 9.40pm, he has given no explanations for being late other than they were at a friends house for dinner and had to wait for the bus to get home.

He could very well have got a cab but I suspect that he chose to be late.

The dcs are 9 and 11 and need their sleep, would I be within my rights to only allow them to spend the evening with him only if he gets them back in time for bed?

I suspect he wants me to scream from the house tops that he will never have the children again blah blah blah so that he can prove to the court how unreasonable I am.

We have a CAFCASS/court hearing very soon.

Being late for bed once won't do any harm. Next time just calmly remind him that they need to be home by 8pm on a school night.

and who are you to opine on whats late/early for my dcs?

do you know my back ground circumstances etc?

surely the welfare of the children is paramount at all times, not his welfare, those of his children and as I have explained these are children who need their sleep.

so take you opinions somewhere else as I do not want to listen to them.

wow, passmyglassplease....don't forget it was you who asked for opinions

yes I did, and it was specifically about the dcs being late

well then I am being unreasonable

however why do people feel the need to be so judgmental on a situation that they have very little knowledge of.

do they know me, so they know my ex and our circumstances?

my ex has never been denied access to his kids, I am primary carer because he choose his path without consideration of them.

I don't think the odd ocasion will hurt them. Could he have them overnight so he gets to deal with grumpiness in the morning?

You need to reinforce with him that there is a set bedtime.

You are being unreasonable.

If you react this badly to someone giving you an opinion on your child's bedtime, I can only imagine how volatile and unreasonable you are with your ex.

If he hasn't actually harmed his children (and you haven't said he has, a late bedtime once a week will not hurt them at all, they can catch up tomorrow) then he has the right to see them, and actually could take you to court and have 2 overnights forced onto you.

You have posted this thread in "Am I being unreasonable?"

And not only are you definitely being unreasonable, you have been unnecessarily rude to mjinhiding who merely dared to not have the precise confirmation opinion you are looking for.

How do you know he is loving?

Have you met him?

What information have I provided that says that I ban him from seeing the dcs in the week?

How have you come to the conclusion that I am hostile?

I am hostile to your assumptions that I am a bitter and twisted single parent who is out to deny the ex access to his children.

Don't make assumptions without any facts to back them up.

woah....passmyglassplease...you are over reacting to advice here....just debate it sensibly or don't bother posting. You sound like you are having a tough time but MN can assist you....don't rub people up the wrong way when you have asked for opinions.

You behave like a bitter and twisted person in your answers to people here. Maybe that's why people are treating you like a bitter and twisted person.

You also have also exploded at the slightest inference that you don't know everything in the world ever about your children.

Your tone is aggressive, you are being rude with no cause, and you don't deserve the patience that other posters are showing you (not me though, you've pissed me right off by being so rude to someone trying to give you a different perspective)

"Am fuming, I agreed that the ex could have the children this evening for dinner, however I did not agree to them still not being home at 9.20!"

What time did you agree for them to be home by?

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"They normally go to bed at 8.30, they will be suffering tomorrow at school, but hey never mind he always puts the needs of the dcs first (not)"

Do you have other examples you could quote whereby he has failed to put his children's welfare first?

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"I am fairly certain it is a ploy to wind me up and it sure is working "

Would he really use his children to that extent just to make you this cross? Does he not have any love for them at all?

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"Am I within my rights to not allow him to see the dcs in the week as he can't seem to understand that it is their needs that come first and not his!!!"

You do not have that right at all. The only people who have rights here are your children and those rights are that they have a relationship with both parents. One parent is not more superior than the other.

And if I could just point out - gently - the welfare of the children you keep referring to includes their mental welfare. I.e. the important relationships in their life...

Oh dear you have got yourself in a right old lather about this haven't you?

Understandably you are upset but you sound really aggressive and controlling imvho and as though you want to call all the shots.

Was it a bad break up? Probably, most are aren't they? Do you think maybe that is spilling over into this. I shouldn't think he is giving you a second thought while he is with his dc. Maybe they just lost track of time, maybe his train/bus whatever is delayed. Whatever the case I shouldn't think your dc will feel great at the sight of furious Mum after an evening with their Dad. I hope you don't let them see how angry you are.

It is a little bit late but not excessively. I would probably have expected them to be back and in bed for 9:30 on the grounds that staying up a little bit late isn't going to massively effect them. Have you recently told him that they go to bed at that time? Perhaps the DCs said oh we go to bed later now?