to be angry at being left out all the bloody time!

[leo1978]

I feel totally left out of my family. My dad remarried when I was 2 and I spent every weekend with him and my stepmum and her family. They had 2 daughters, I went to Uni, moved away, got married etc. There is a bit of a clique (my younger sisters and my stepmum's family) - for example they all go on a 'family holiday' but me and my older sister are never invited. When my dad got ill no one contacted my older sister or me and my sister found out in the bank from a distant relative ! Recently when our Grandad died, my older sister and I were not invited to the internment of his ashes nor the get together afterwards (which was attended by by tow younger sisters and many distant relatives). We just don't seem to be in the loop and while my older sister can cope with it it runs deep and painful through me. I don't know what to do and have been crying my eyes out. Is it silly to be 30 and have a 2 year old son and still feel like this. I have discussed it with my dad but I feel like I need some advice on a positive way forward.

Thanks.

I'm not surprised you feel hurt. I would do, too. Of course you want to feel part of your father's life. If you've talked to him to no avail could you have a word with his wife.

did you speak to your dad about this?

I know I could do but I am too uncomfortable with her to speak openly with her about my emotions unfortunately and also I am not really brave enough to either. She is also very highly strung and would shout me down. I want not to care. Must. switch. off. emotions!

in that case i would write a letter
she wont shout you down and youll get to say what you NEED to

I did speak to my Dad and he says it is his fault! They also rang on the wrong day to wish my son a happy birthday and on his actual birthday rang at 8.30 in the evening! I must point out I am a normal person here - I am soul searching to see if I to blame here. I think I probably came home hardly ever during Uni and when I had a son wanted to be back in the bosom of the family only to realise with horror that a family had devloped that I was a peripheral part of. I guess that happens though.

I know how the step-family thing can hurt.

I've not had anything as bad as being left out of a close family funeral but, for example, my Dad has contacted me to ask if he can cancel the plans we's made for Father's Day (made since early May) because his wife wants to take her granddaughter to see her Father.

He'll try and drop in for five minutes on the way there, but no promises - 4 year old Step-Granddaughter seeing her Great-Grandad is more important than him seeing his actual daughter and five-month-old grand-daughter apparently.

No YANBU, and it's hell trying to explain to anyone why it hurts. It's as though you don't exist - they moved on, and you were just the stuff they left behind.

Any chance of discussing it with your half sisters? Building a relationship with them first maybe would be easier. Have you got family on your mum's side?

Thanks Ginnybag - it does hurt and it's childhood pain that follows you into adulthood. I know I need to let go and reframe the whole relationship as an adult. I will talk to my dad as he is making a literal guilt trip to see me tomorrow! It is as it is I suppose - at least I know where I stand and I can stop degrading myself by pretending I am part of the inner circle. I feel better after hearing your thoughts everyone - thanks

its very hurtful, and you have been touched by this 2 tier parenting since you were tiny, bless you. It makes me very sad on your behalf.

I cannot advise, but I know if I were you I'd feel hurt

I'd also bloody kick off, but would that be cutting nose off to spite face?

have a straight conversation with your Dad

also, see how it is that your sis manages to not be bothered, and you are?

no advice, but alot of sympathy