Raging tempers-Help! I know I very very am BU

[ragingloony]

Every so often I flip out and have an overwhelming temper tantrum-the last time it happened my almost 3 dd was withdrawn from me for days and told me she was frightened of me. It took days to get back to the normal loving relationship we have. I have never ever hit her but I have yelled and yelled screamed and cried. That last time I wasn't even angry at her but my husband but she was in the rooom when i flipped. The time before that I screeched at my mum, we didn't speak for 2 days and although we have made up I think have done some seriously long term damage to our relationship.
I say the worst things imaginable, the most hurtful things I can think of to the person I am angry at. Half the time I cant even remember what i have said but it leaves the other person emotionally bruised for days. I am worried that one of these days the people I love will finally have enough and I will do too much emotional damage.

I have been on antidepressants before for PND but I recovered well. I would say that most of the time I am normal and happy, patient and socialable. I am confident & chatty and I adore my family and my wonderful charming daughter. I dont have any symptoms of depression. I am pretty sure these rages are PMT related (almost every single one has happened 5 days before my period) but the doctors have offered me the pill which I dont want because at some point when I am feeling better I want another baby. That or the other choice is antidepressants again but I am not depressed so it seems a bit of overkill.

I cant bear to put my family through this again, I am terrified of breaking my relationship with my darling daughter. I cant bear her pushing me away, I love her so much yet I have very little warning when something will get me like this again-it happens in a flash and i just see red. When it happens it's like my evil side is enjoying it and wants to get it out and my normal sane self is watching from behind just going "WTF"

What can I do? Flame me all you like-I feel wretched and probably deserve it but if there is any real advice out there i'd like to hear it too please.

if you've yelled and yelled and screamed at your DC you need to get some help urgently.

I wish you all the best in working out the issues.

Yes, get this under control. She may only be 3, but she will remember these rages for many years. All I can say is I recall similar rages from my mum much more clearly than the good times. I was shit scared of my mum for many years ... still am a bit. Lets just say huuuuge amounts of money spent on counselling! If the pill controls it, take it, you can always stop taking it once you feel calmer and stronger.

Not going to flame you as I've been there with PND (also made worse during period) I didn't WANT to go back on antidepressants but it wasn't about what I wanted really it was about what was best for my children. Sorry but if the pill or antidepressants are the solution then that's what you should do.

Just do it - please for your daughter - today

www.pndsupport.co.uk/

You don't need to go on the pill, there are other possible methods of treatment, but you need the right support, and you may find it from a source other than your doctor.

When I suffered badly I was told to eat regularly - even if just a digestive biscuit and cup of tea - every two hours or so, in order to avoid low blood sugar, which can exacerbate the issue.

Good luck, and be patient with yourself.

Wrong link, sorry! www.pms.org.uk/

Thank you jeezy.

Going on the pill is not an option-there is no guarantee it will help and I struggle with my weight already-I really dont want the pill because every time I have been on it I have put on loads of weight. I have just worked really hard to get rid of some of it.

I did an Anger Management course run by our local toy library. Was truly life-changing. Can you see if your local Surestart run any parenting classes or anything? Counselling will help. Some sort of ADs might be helpful, might not. Definitely look at diet.

The 6 rules were

1. stop! think. look at the bigger picture
2. it'sz ok to have a different opinion
3. use your support network
4. journal
5. listen
6. don't take it personally

I know it feels uncontrollable but it really isn't. It's ok to be angry but then you need to look at the rules above and decide what to do next.

Do get some help. REally. No flaming here, just lots and lots of sympathy and positive stuff to say you CAN sort this out. And you must.

Ps you need to know that it is NOT ok to behave like that. It is abusive.

Not flaming you but I think you need to know that ~(as I did).

I guess you have to consider which is worse ... putting on a bit of weight or leaving your child scared of you?

St John's Wort is also quite useful for PMT - I share your pain and now have a menstual teenager who is almost in sync with me - on bliss ... how my other half stands it!!!

THanks for all the answers, some were a great help. Just a quick update on this tale-i have today gone back onto antidepressants. I hope they help-I cant live like this and my family should not have to suffer. If my DH spoke to me like I do when I am in that state I would have left him a long time ago.

THanks again mumsnet