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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to have had a complete meltdown today and thrown everything on the driveway??!

22 replies

XboxWidow30 · 13/06/2010 20:38

Well, I say everything I mean a few things.

Basically hubby went off on one at me and said I don't do anything all week, the house is a mess, I don;t play with the kids enough, blah, blah, blah.

I told him that no-one in teh house helps me and none of the mess in the house was mine it was his or the kids and I am fed up of picking up after people. So, I had a 'slight' meltdown and threw toys, clothes and hubbys DIY stuff that he leaves lying around out on the driveway.

How else could I have dealt with it?, apart from calmly and like an adult??! He pushed me too far.

OP posts:
FabIsGettingFit · 13/06/2010 20:39

I take it he spends a lot of time with his xbox while you don't cook his meals, wash his pants and fuck him?

differentID · 13/06/2010 20:40

who will end up picking it up though?

XboxWidow30 · 13/06/2010 20:40

Not so much Xbox anymore, lol! He just doesn't do anything. However, he says he shouldn't have to as he goes to work and I sit on my a**e and do nothing all day.

OP posts:
LittleMissHissyFit · 13/06/2010 20:40

Right there with ya sista.... great idea.. chucking it all out on the drive...

XboxWidow30 · 13/06/2010 20:41

Oh hubby picked it up in the end. Maybe if he had done it in the first place it wouldn't have ended up on the driveway.

OP posts:
XboxWidow30 · 13/06/2010 20:42

LittleMissHissyFit (great name!)

No he doesn't. No picking up, tidying up, no housework. Well, I lie. He loads the dishwasher once every 2 weeks or so and thinks he is a saint.

OP posts:
FabIsGettingFit · 13/06/2010 20:43

Okay, well tmw do exactly that. Sit on your arse and do nothing all day.

He is really annoying me. My husband works hard all day and then comes home and does what needs to be done. I tell him I haven't done a lot all day other than read, make some cards, maybe make some cakes and he says good.

LittleMissHissyFit · 13/06/2010 20:44

nice move!!!

you see DH wouldn't do that... he'd leave it there, he has said that DS and the house and everything is MY JOB, and that he doesn't do ANY of it.

That said, due to one of his other outrageous comments the other day, we are on day 3 of practically no verbal communications at all...

BikiniBottom · 13/06/2010 20:44

good for you

Sithmummy · 13/06/2010 20:44

I sit on my a**e all day, reading magazines and drinking coffee.

How's that for multi-tasking?

According to dcs, dh goes out all day 'playing with his mates'. So fair's fair.

warthog · 13/06/2010 20:44

i remember your other threads.

am glad you're standing up for yourself and glad he picked his shit up.

keep going. maybe one day the penny will drop and he'll realize just how much you do do.

XboxWidow30 · 13/06/2010 20:44

Well, thats what I had been doing and that was why the house was like it was, plus the fact that the kids have his attitude towards keeping the house tidy.

Yet he is the first to moan about it.

OP posts:
XboxWidow30 · 13/06/2010 20:47

Thanks warthog. He did put his work uniform in the wash earlier but only cos I am on strike now and he wouldn't have any clean uniform for tomorrow otherwise!

However, he has now forgotten to get it out of the wash so he will be wearing it to work whilst it is wet!!!

Also, after being quite verbal with me earlier he is now trying to be all lovey and wonders why I don't want him near me. This is another thing he does. he is a complete arse towards me and then thinks I will just forget about it later on.

OP posts:
annh · 13/06/2010 20:59

Well, as your dh thinks you sit on your arse all day, I thinks that is exactly what you should do for the next few days. Absolute minimum of feeding and cleaning, definitely no laundry for anyone else, no ironing, no picking up after anyone and see how long it takes before he notices!

XboxWidow30 · 13/06/2010 21:09

Well, without realising it I think that is what I have been doing over the past week!

So today was the day he notices, but it results in a major verbal thrashing from him. As in being rude, putting me down, telling me I'm useless, he works so he shouldn't have to do anything etc...

So, it doesn't work. What else could I do???

OP posts:
sanfairyann · 13/06/2010 21:14

get a big bin bag and tidy everything up every day - into the bin bag. then once a week empty it - into the bin. tadaaaa. tidy house. maybe not happy h.

Tombliboob · 13/06/2010 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Rarebear · 13/06/2010 21:27

I have hissy fits too! mainly involving tools which have been left laying around being put into the garden for despatch to garage. If I move anything to another place in the house it stays there until I either move it myself (during next hissy fit) or until I nag his lordship to death. I don't think there is anything you can do, he won't change unless he wants to.

brightspark2 · 13/06/2010 21:40

My 12yo loads and unloads the washer. Tidies his own room as he goes. Carries the shopping and is in charge of all hot drinks.

He has a Saturday bag on the back of his door. If I happen to go in to his room, or find stuff elsewhere of his, anything out of place goes in it. When he goes out Saturday mornings, it gets hidden.

Rules up in the fridge, pref typed up so they look official.

Breakfast meeting, rules effective immediately no personnel exempt.

If he's so focussed on responsibilities in the work environment, clear boundaries and consequences should work.

Can you get a part time job for your own money? Then let him own his shit re his things?

BigFatSepticToe · 13/06/2010 22:24

OP, print this and show it to your DH

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his family's house: Their four children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house.

Proceeding into the entry he found an even bigger mess: A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened. He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work you ask me what in the world I did today?"

"Yes," was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

XboxWidow30 · 14/06/2010 11:23

Thanks guys and thanks for that BigFatSepticToe

will be putting that on the kitchen wall!!!

OP posts:
Sidge · 14/06/2010 11:56

My DH is pretty good, helpful and pulls his weight.

However even though he knew what I did every day (part time job, 3 kids, house, garden etc) he didn't really know. He had no idea of the drudgery that running a household involves, all the minutiae and constant little jobs, always something to do.

Then I went to Australia for a week to visit my terminally ill dad. He was home alone with the 3 kids - ok he didn't have to go to work and they were off school but he soon learnt just what's involved in running a household beyond the wash/dress/feed children part. He had to get to grips with not only looking after the children (and learning that entertaining them went beyond sticking the telly on) but working to ensure the house didn't descend into total squalor.

He now has a much greater respect for what I do and when home is involved on a much more useful level, often anticipating what needs doing rather than just asking me.

I strongly recommend going away for a long weekend and leaving him to it. Having paid employment outside of the home does not exclude you from being a contributing member of the household in practical terms. As I told DH before I went away - it's not the Hilton, there are no chambermaids...

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