To want to go away for a break on my own?

[FrogInAJacuzzi]

I'm quite new to MN, so I don't know if this is the right place to post this topic...

I'm a middle-aged working mum of 2. My DS is 15 and my DD is 11. She has autism so I work part-time around her school hours. We have no family support network and don't get much assistance from social services. DD is very demanding and messy and I never seem to have a minute to myself when at home. My DH has a stressful job, and works long hours. He's also often away on business, and goes abroad for days at a time. I cope with everything pretty much on my own - doing most of the housework, child-care arrangements, running the household. I have a lot of issues with this, but that's something for another day...

Last year, for his birthday, he and DS went for a long weekend away in London, while I stayed home with DD. This little outing cost around £700. Not that I begrudge the money because he doesn't spend a lot on himself usually.

Now my birthday has rolled around, and when I suggested a short break away (only 3 days) he's coming over very reluctant. I want to visit a friend in Canada, on my own. I just feel that I never get to go away, never get a break from the constant demands of bringing up an autistic child, in many ways as a single mum.

Anyone think I'm being unreasonable?

No. I don't.

Do you think he feels he won't cope alone? Because if that's the case, then it's a need to be addressed. A father should always be able to manage his children alone as competently as a mother!

Tell him what you've said here. You never get any time, you function alone for a lot of the time due to the nature of his work and you feel that unless you get some time out, you are going to burn out / crack up!

You have needs as a person too! You do not exist solely for the kids and him. You need to be taken care of as well.

Thanks, Hecate.

I'm pretty sure he doesn't think he'd cope alone and that's one of the causes of the reluctance.

I'm just going to go ahead and book the tickets etc. He'll just have to manage, like I have to manage.

If he feels he can't cope with his own children then that's something that urgently needs addressing, isn't it?

Yes, book the tickets.

But talk to him about what it is that's worrying him. Perhaps all he needs is reassurance?

My children don't have special needs, but I waited six years to try having a couple of nights away on my own. Deep down, I didn't really believe they'd cope and I needed to feel needed.

I tell you what, when I eventually did have a weekend away, it was a complete revelation. DH and the two girls had a really good time. I had a really good time. We were all refreshed at the end of it and now recognise the value of it.

Only about once a year, mind you, but it's so worth going for it. Will do you all the power of good and I bet DH will discover he can cope and will feel better for it.

Go for it, I am so you'll need more than 3 days for Canada though?

Perhaps he's worried you'll do a Thelma and Louise and not come back

I went to Riga with my single bingle buddy for 4 days last year, had never left DS 4 before then, and had depression. Was so worried something would happen, plane crash, car accident etc etc.

I had the time of my life, and learnt to reconnect with the grown up friends I enjoyed so much before DS was born. My friend had really missed me too, as I normally come as a family package.

Thanks for posting, MrsInComm. I was thinking I'd fly out on a Friday and come back Monday. Not wanting to push my luck too much . So it will be a bit rushed, but even 8 hours on a plane would be a break all on it's own. I could just sit there, read a book, watch the movie, have someone bringing me drinks and meals - sounds pretty good to me!

I think if this works we might adopt it as a regular thing (for both of us). We both like to travel and going away anywhere with DD is a waste of time and money. It's even more stressful than being at home, TBH.

God, go and go for longer than 3 days, won't you?
At least a week is in order.

You'll have a great time and as you say, just sitting in peace on the planse is lovely enough.

I have gone away for at least a week on my own every year since the DCs were born. Helps keep me sane and recharge my batteries. Think you FULLY deserve this break. FWIW, I really don't think you are taking enough time - Canada is a long-haul flight - it takes a couple of days to acclimatise. You are forbidden to go for a period of less than a week. In fact I think you should make it a fortnight (really).

Just go and have fun. You've surely earned it.

There was one year, in fact, when I said I'd never seen the terracotta soldiers - so went for three weeks ...

The thing I am thinking of doing next is walking the Inca Trail - few pensioners are fit enough to do it, and DH can't for many reasons. So not this year but next, maybe

You should do it

For a week

GO GO GO

sounds like you will have a fight on your hand but you so deserve it. YANBU!!!!

I really hope you manage to get this time , and I think from reading your OP that DH gets alot of time away, I domnt care what anyone says business travel does invclude for some @you time@, and childcare is as you know 24-7

YAdefNBU

If it's Canada, it's to to be two weeks surely!

Go, and have a ball, you deserve it.

*got to be

Go. Yanbu.

Do it.
I have gone alone to Canada for the weekend many times, leaving dh and 3 kids.
It's great

And yes, you are so right about the journey. I took the train to Edinburgh - from south of London - to see my parents. What used to seem like a dull, boring journey turned into a heavenly six hours of reading, munching snacks and staring into space. And no-one asked me any questions, or whined, or needed the loo, or complained ................

I got there feeling quite refreshed

YANBU
Definitely go. You really deserve it.

I travel for work sometimes and for this reason my DP goes away on his own every so often so he gets a break. Just because I'm working when I'm away (rather than on holiday), that doesn't make it any easier for DP to be in charge of everything on his own. Perhaps you could gently point this out to your DH.

If you come back overnight and arrive in the UK in the morning, remember you will be tired the day you come back so your DH will need to be in charge that day as well (ie. he can't just drop everything the second you walk in the door).

Also, if your DH travels a lot, he may have points....if you can get an upgrade to business or first, or even Premium Economy, it will be well worth it, especially as this is a special trip rather than something you do every few months.

Have fun