to not want to do housework on my day off?

[roslily]

Ds is 9mo, I am working full time, as does dh. Today dh has taken ds out for the day. I do have some work to do for work (teacher). But I am exhausted as ds is waking up really early at the moment. All I want to do today is drink coffee, eat crap and watch back to back NCIS!

Is that unreasonable? My dh will have expected me to do housework and will expect the house to look good. Even though when I took ds out last Saturday he just played computer games all day.

And dh through a hissy fit this morning at getting up at 7am with ds as I had got up at 5am, and 5am yesterday.

I feel I deserve a proper day off, being selfish and doing whatever I want. AIBU?

Well I never get a 'day off' as if i am not working (f/t) I am tending to household chores.

However when my dh here (works abroad most of time) we share the jobs. I'd personally be ok with one doing houswork while other takes kid/s out but if, as you say, he did bugger all last w/end then I'd be cross.
Is he generally not pulling his weight?

FGS get a cleaner. Life's too short to be having the housework argument, particularly when you have 2 salaries coming in.

IF your dh was acting like a decent human being I would say YABU as it only takes an hour or so and then you can relax and do all the other stuff.

However as he is being an arse, YANBU - do fuck all and then talk to him about his attitude problem when small one is in bed.

I'm not at all sure why your DH feels entitled to play computer games all day when you take your DS out for the day, but feels entitled to expect you to do housework all day if he takes DS out for the day.

How is the houseworks split in your house?

firstly, bad luck on not wanting to do housework, neither do most people but everyone has to unless you pay

however your mitigating circumstance is last weekend and the unjustified expectation of your husband

so sort of yanbu, but basically, get a cleaner

YANBU. Watch NCIS - great!

Fair enough. Dh won't get a cleaner as he is tight! And he says we would have to tidy first anyway.

He does some stuff around house, I am not saying I do everything, but he leaves trails of mess everywhere.

Ah well, I will get on with it then.

I knew I was being a bit selfish really.

One of the great things about having a cleaner is that it forces you to tidy first, and to organise your housework as you have the deadline of the cleaner coming.

leave the housework and do it another time, you deserve a break. the house won't collapse if you don't tidy up for a few days.

do what you want to do for a change.

DH has taken DS away for the day too so I am on MN and have made some home-made ice cream even though I could have hoovered. I can't be bothered with all that today, trying to take it easy.

That's the point of a cleaner it forces you to tidy first!

Well I have cleaned, and I made a cake too!

I'd like to say well done, but sadly it will reinforce your deep rooted hidden agreement with your DH whereby his time without DS = leisure time your time = cleaning.

What is the reason that you feel that despite both of you working f/t you are responsible for the cleaning and why if you are earning an income as well is it acceptable for your DH to refuse to get a cleaner ?

You're a teacher, draw up a homework housework planner with both your names on it and the chores that need to be done. Then assign him smiley faces and a reward chart for work done

or tell him to jog on, put some elasticated pants on and pig out on the sofa.....

im with the 'fuck it' brigade ( no surprise there then ) whats good for the goose....

Thanks. Well I made the cake for myself.

He 'thinks' he does clean. So for example he does the clothes washing and hangs it out. But he then piles it up and leaves it. He hoovers, but he doesn't tidy first he just piles everything onto sofas/tables etc.

He also takes ages to do anything, getting distracted by things he finds.

But you are right, it should be more equal. The reason he can say no to a cleaner, is that he does the money, as I am not very good with money (my admission, not his).

I did watch some NCIS and eat cake too!

I'm with Bonsoir that the best bit about a cleaner is that it forces you to tidy. Keeps the mess under control.

If your DH doesn't want to do housework on his day off - washing floor, thorough hoover, changing beds, tidying, ironing, and so on he needs to reconsider where he wants to be tight!

get a cleaner

me and OH both work f/t...

its the best £20 i spend a week... oh and my ocado shop too!

no housework OR shopping

But the tidying needs to be done anyway (sort of), whether or not you have a cleaner to do the rest.
Why do the cleaning on top of that, if you can spare the cash for someone else to do it. It's about priorities. And your DH won't think it a priority whilst he's got you doing it. So tell him: no cleaner, then we split ALL chores 50:50, and all remaining leisure time 50: 50 too.
See how long it takes for him to change his mind.

Another vote for Get a Cleaner
We both work f/t and DH is away a lot and we were spending all weekend doing chores.
Our cleaning service comes once a week and our house is never tidy, they just do their best, but at least the bathrooms and kitchen are cleaned and the house hoovered through.

Yes I don't tidy for my cleaner, I probably should but she just works round it. Having a cleaner is meant to make your life less stressful and if I was running around in the morning trying to tidy before she arrived, then I think it would defeat the purpose.

Def get a cleaner - If I ever divorce (which is v unlikely!) I get custody of the cleaner for sure. As for tidying - there are a number of cupboards she opens at her peril where the towers of crap are piled on a Sunday night.

YANBU but this is how it is sista! I work FT and never ever have a day off, EVER EVER

sigh

I had the same struggle but just blitz it as cant relax in a dirty house anyway

and tell DP he needs to pull his weight too!