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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want to screeeeeeeeeeeeeeam at my inlaws?

31 replies

arses · 12/06/2010 09:31

Three of my dh's siblings are GP's. I am a lowly Allied Health Professional who happens to be studying for a practitioner doctorate in my field.

Okay, so I don't know as much as them about many, many things. I can't tell you the signs of cancer and I've never heard of some of the things they need to spot on a daily basis..

BUT

I do know some things. Even some things unrelated to my chosen field because studying for a doctorate in any health care profession does - shock! horror! - enable you to read and understand research and there are some areas where I have read a lot of research as they were relevant to my own life. Breastfeeding is one of these areas.

This weekend, GP sibling 1 is visiting. She is pregnant. She mentioned she wanted to breastfeed, asked me for my experiences..
so I told her that I wished I hadn't given formula when he was 10 days old as it negatively impacted upon my supply: that if I had to go back, I would have fed more frequently and expressed and refed after feeds as the formula played havoc with my supply.

GP lady: "That's just not true. A lot of babies need formula in hospital, it makes no difference to breastfeeding".
Me: "Perhaps some do but my understanding of it now, having done a lot of reading because I was so obsessed with it, is that the research says that introducing formula in the early days can impact on breastfeeding management" (obviously this is paraphrasing!)
Her: "With all due respect, you must have read it wrong. That's not true. Introducing formula makes no difference whatsoever to breastfeeding".

She was adamant that introducing formula was necessary for "most" babies under 7lbs and that it would not make any difference to the breastfeeding relationship. I really didn't want to create a massive argument so I made some comments and moved it on, but everything I said was met with a 'oh I don't think you've read that research right' combined with - get this! - rolling eyes! I was just incensed that she would roll her eyes at me and tell me I couldn't read research or guidelines properly. Yes, I get it, she has had years of training to be a doctor and fair dues to her. However, my training is specifically (if you think about what a doctorate is) in reading and evaluating research and I happen to have read pretty much everything I could get my hands on about early breastfeeding management and categorically know that supplementation negatively effects supply.

The real issue here, of course, is that my GP inlaws are viewed as Gods in the wider family.. and so this 'advice' on feeding (and other helpful nibbets like how I should be putting baby rice in my 17 week olds bottle to help him sleep) is viewed as sacred, whereas on the other hand, despite the fact I generally keep my profession out of all family discussions if I can at all help it, on the rare occasions I have given advice to family members on request have it torn to bits!!!

I wasn't even intending to 'advise' here but it was still ripped to shreds, I should have just kept it to my own experience but I couldn't help myself. Then she asked about my labour and everything I said, she said 'well that's quite common you know', like WTF? She was REALLY critical of me taking gas and air for a particularly lengthy excruciating vaginal exam at the outset (took three women to find my very posterior cervix through contractions). "What? You didn't even manage that without pain relief??". It's not a fucking competition love!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

OP posts:
JackBauerDeservedAHappyEnding · 13/06/2010 07:19

Anyone who rolls eyes at people for expressing an opinion which has been asked for is a twunt, and should be taken out and shot before they contaminate the gene pool

I was goign to write a massive post but Gerbil has said it all.

BabsH · 13/06/2010 07:35

Generally I find that free advice is worthless to the people who ask for it, I'm not a doctor but a professional in another field. I've been asked by the family numerous times who then blithely ignore what I've suggested and do what they were going to do anyway!

Like everyone else, best to sit back, wait for her to make the mistakes and then feel supremely smug

YANBU and from personal experience SIL'S can be a pain to get on with sometimes.

SeaTrek · 13/06/2010 08:41

Oh how annoying!

I would just smile and say that you'll just have to agree to disagree then.

I was married to a GP and I am pretty sure he knew approximately nothing about breastfeeding. I also remember having to explain how mortgages worked several times to him. I know he was a fantastic doctor but, he would admit himself, he most definately didn't know everything!

hairytriangle · 13/06/2010 11:36

She's a twat!!! Yanbu!!

magie73 · 13/06/2010 21:32

She sounds like a nurse I had.

Just to give you a flavour of the way she spoke to me (condesending, arrogant and totally ignored me) and it was only the first meeting.

I hated going to her after that.

Nurse - Have you thought about breast feeding?
Me - Yes, I'll do that if I am physically able to. (thinking this is the end of questioning and fairly reasonable)
Nurse - Breast feeding is good because.......(blah blah blah)
Me - Yes, I intend to breast feed. (again, thinking end of lecture)
Nurse - Breast feeding is beneficial for you as well..... (blah blah blah)
Me - ok. (clearly annoyed at being treated like an idiot and not being listened to)
Nurse - That baby benefits are .... (blah blah blah)
Me - ok. (very annoyed)
Nurse - It's also cost effective.... (blah blah blah)
Me - mmmmm
Nurse - So, what does your partner think of breast feeding?
Me - (clearly bored with this and extremely annoyed) He wants me to.
Nurse - It's important that the father is supportive of breast feeding.... (blah blah blah).... Here is a pamphlet which you can read at home. (note pamphlet has exactly what was said by nurse to the letter)
Nurse - So, have you thought about where you're going to give birth?

funnysinthegarden · 13/06/2010 23:45

breastfeeding.....how can you BF and think? the two are mutually exclusive!

Linea, I'll give you linea

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