to think that sometimes husbands aren't cheating and not all men have narcisstic personality disorder?

[goodlordy]

it seems to me on MN that if somebody posts a minor quibble about their DH/DP, there is always somebody who jumps on the board and says "has he been working late, does he have his mobile attached to him all the time, is he distant - HE'S ALMOST DEFNITELY CHEATING - throw him out". It drives me nuts - and creates suspicion and upset when really the OP was just asking for an opinion on something relatively minor. And there also seems to be an obsession with diagnosing NPD - I hadn't even heard of it until I joined MN and yet from what I read here at least 99.99% of men would seem to fall into this category.

MN is in danger of feeling 'anti-men'. Women cheat too, life is complicated. I'm not saying that affairs aren't wrong - of course they are but life comes in many shades of grey and the blanket assumptions applied by some posters just winds me up. So....AIBU?

YABVU - at least 50% of men can be diagnosed with Asperger's!

Oh yes I forgot aspergers...that's a whole other thread....

Sometimes I get quite anxious when I read the posts about toxic parents. I shout sometimes and when DD lies and says she has brushed her hair when she clearly hasn't I say she can't go to school like that, it looks awful. And we take them to stately homes .

don't like boy bashing
but there are a lot of useless plonkers out there
i think i married one

yanbu

YANBU but people in happy, contented relationships are unlikely to post that their DH/DP is accessing porn/lying/hiding his phone/flirting via Facebook etc so I think this probably gives a disproportionate picture.

That said, I'm sometimes amazed by how a thread can go from "I'm worried about my DH because of X" to "I'm leaving him". I wonder if the threads are real when that point is reached so quickly.

IME, however, most men are lying, cheating arses but that's got more to do with my inability to pick a good one, I suspect!

I was going to post that my DH isn't a lying, cheating arse. He isn't 'unaccountable' for long enough to do anything. But it's just dawned on me that he only needs a couple of minutes from seduction to cigarette, so it is possible.

YANBU it's really really annoying and I've stopped posting re any relationship issues for this very reason. I also find this snap diagnosis of nPD irritating, trivialising and potentially harmful. It's become the latest bandwagon and TBH some people on here just don't know what they're talking about.

Hving worked with individuals with NPD on a secure unit (most of whom are now in a special hospital Broadmoor etc. very dangerous individuals) and also to have had the misfortune to have been in a relationship with someone with NPD/anti-social PD when much younger which resulted in me having to get an injunction out against him I DO know what I'm talking about and can categorically state that despite being a twat sometimes my DH does not have NPD!!!

I also find the whole "it's not your fault he made you feel that way, you couldn't help your actions" v "it's his fault he's an NPD bastard!!" v frustrating. I remember once when posting about my DH and an argument we'd had I admitted to slapping him and felt v v bad about it as I shouldn't have done it. Only to be met with cries of (from the usual suspects I might add) "but that's not your fault! He wound you up! You're his narcissitic supply!" etc. etc. No what he did was out of order certainly but slapping him was out of order on my part too. Women aren't some innocent victims in an evil male world

yanbu, though as people tend to come to places like this to seek advice maybe it skews things to look like there's a higher than average ambount of these men with these problems. People rarely post about how wonderful their relationships are.

YANBU

Although it has to be said that a lot of the men being posted about in the Relationships section sound like utter bastards/twats/knobs. I would rather say that someone is a cock than has one of these personality disorders etc (I mean these things can't be diagnosed over the internet) as if they're ill/have a condition then it partly absolves them of responsibility for their actions, while at the same time saying that there is no chance at all for change. I would rather that these people are referred to as what they are. eg "I have to live on £2.50 a week for everything clothes food etc while he earns £6M a year" - the correct answer is "He is a selfish arsehole".

And no-one posts about the good ones, it'a dull.

YANBU

I think Fab started a thread about her lovely DH/P, it made a nice read and I was too drunk tired to add to it at the time.

I don' know about MN being in dnager of feeling "anti- men". It probably feels very "anti-horrible men". That's a good thing I think.

Would we want eg "I have to live on £2.50 a week for everything clothes food etc while he earns £6M a year" - "oh well boys will be boys and he is the one out working. I can give you some budgeting tips, yo should learn to be grateful".

Leave him.