2shoes, I planned DD1, too. I didn't plan to have her at the exact time I did (DH & I had planned to be more financially secure), but from the very minute I saw the fuzzy pink splodge on the HPT, and wondered if it really meant I was pregnant, because it didn't look like the pristine dot on the leaflet, I loved her and cherished her.
The moment I knew she had SN, I felt a fiercer love than I have ever experienced. You are right, I probably wouldn't choose for her to have Special Needs. Just because it makes life hard for her and hard for us. It robs her of the freedom to grow up naturally instead of having intervention all the time.
But every achievement I take for granted with DD2 & DD3, I cheer and jump on the inside for DD1. Even if that is managing to wait in a queue for 1 minute.
You know that on the SN board we go on about all the sickly poems about being chosen, Saint2shoes? Well, deep down, I reckon they have a little point there. We take all the rubbish and struggle that goes with having a child with SN. But we get to experience the amazing joy when our child hits a milestone, that is more intense than for NT children.
You've gotta feel a bit sorry for that woman. She doesn't even know what she is talking about, let alone the fact that she misses out on the experience of having a child who beats the odds day in, day out.