for declining to help out?

[LittleSilver]

Bit of background. I live in a very small, incredibly affluent village (we bring down the income average by several 0s!!) I am one of maybe 3 mums who work and most of the other are ladies who lunch. And very nice they are too, very friendly and they made us feel very welcome when we moved up north last year. I have 3 DSs aged 5, 2 and 1(and am pg with DC4, tho not common knowledge at present), work three days a week, have a weekend job and am doing my OU degree. DH works 80 hours a week and also is in the TA, so off some weekends. I've not exactly got loads of downtime, but neither have most people, I appreciate that. Anyway, summer village fete is coming up and today I got an e-mail which runs along the lines of "Dear Silver, thank you for agreeing to take a stall, you need to do x, y and z".

I'm a bit taken aback tbh. I have NO recollection of doing any such thing; and equally have NO idea how I would manage that with the children.

AIBU to say no. Eek, and how do I do that without upsetting this other mum, who has been very friendly and puts an awful lot of effort into all the voluntary and very essential work that she does?

Not at all. If you're busy you can't do it. Just say you don't remember agreeing to it, you're sorry if you did as you didn't mean to, and you can't possibly do it as you're working. With a bit of luck she'll never ask you again!

Personally I would send a polite, firm and friendly e-mail back saying that there seems to be a misunderstanding.

If you were feeling that you particularly wanted to help perhaps you could end the e-mail by offering a few hours help if there was any preparation to be done beforehand. Or even offer to bake some cakes/cookies etc. (I would feel that I wanted to offer something iykwim)

Agree with onepiece, maybe see if there is a raffle and offer to sell tickets

I would echo the advice already given, but also say don't sit on it - email back as soon as you can.

I say this because a fault of mine is ignoring potentially uncomfortable situations such as these, and by the time I feel strong enough to deal with it, too much time has passed and I feel it's too late to refuse. So write back quickly - good luck!

Tell her firmly but politely that you can't possibly help at the village fete with 3 small children as bringing them along with you is bound to contravene some health and saftety rule.

The phrase 'I think we might have been talking at cross purposes at some point recently' is a useful starter for emails like this that doesn't apportion blame to anyone.

Alternatively, could you say to her you think that she might have mixed you up with someone else because you know that you w/couldn't possibly have agreed to take a stall at the fete due to knowing that there was no way you could set up and run a stall while chasing looking after three little ones at the same time.

Good luck - and yes, definitely better to drop quick email now otherwise it can linger and cause way too much stress. I know - I am queen of procrastination and have so many things on my to do list that have been there for way too long

your reply can still say begin "I wish I was able to help, but unfortunately I'm not going to be available..." rather than just say you can't

try not to give reasons that she can disagree with or try to overcome. You dont (I presume) want her to tell her you can use the creche, have a lift from someone else, etc, and by overcoming your stated reasons, leave you feeling obliged to give in.