To cancel 'entertaining' plans this evening.

[fearnelinen]

Long story, but I'll try to be brief. Last Christmas my DSis got diagnosed with MS at 36, I was devastated and took it pretty bad. The christmas before that my Mum started to develop an rather amusing (in her eyes) 'falling over' problem. She's been undergoing test after test and keeping a really positive mind about it all, often going for months without thinking about it what with my sister and the fact that she has also just become insulin dependant.
We've just come back from a weeks camping holiday with her where she confided in me that she was going to see a doc on Thursday to find out if she had a brain tumor, or if she had had a stroke. If it was neither of those, he was going to test for MS (as much as you can). Again, she was really positive but I came home hoping that she'd had a stroke as that felt like something which she could impact.
On Wed I told DH that if it was bad news (and there wasn't really going to be good news) that I probably wouldn't feel up to entertaining his friends on Friday night - lovely couple were due to come over for a nights drinking and hilarity. He said he understood. I presumed he would gear them up for it. I text him this morning saying I really didn't feel up to it, tbh it's all just sinking in and I feel like I'm going through it all over again. Last night my mum said that it was OK for her to have it because she has less years of usable body left than DSis, and that if it is MS, she woud rather drive over a cliff as it's such a horrible way to go. I've never heard her talk like that. DH disappeared upstairs last night and I have had literally no-one to talk to. I cancelled my hair appt because didn't want to pour it all out to a stranger and I think I'm getting quite depressed.
He's just called to say it won't be 'entertaining' that they are just coming to watch a film and chill. I said 'OK' and hung up. He called back and said 'What's your problem?' and I let rip, I said that I had told him I wasn't up for it, he's igmored that so I'll just do as I'm told. He told me to fuck off.
The house is a tip, I really cannot be bothered to put make up on (although I really like this couple, I've only met them 3 times and really am not comfortable being miserable around them IYSWIM) and I have no clue what to feed them.
So am I being an unreasonable, rude, miserable cow? Be gentle with me...

YANBU at all.

Stay ups6airs in your room, or go to a family member's house for the night.

If your DH is so insensitive that he still wanta visitors tonight, then he can bloody well cook for them and clean the house etc etc.

YANBU at all.

I assume your DH is worrying about cancelling last minute on the guests. (he clearly didn't gear them up for it earlier in the week). However no guest worth having would mind in the circumstances and I don't think he's realised that.

He needs to call them and say you've had some bad family news and won't be able to have them round. It's as simple as that and they will totally understand.

Listen, there is nothing worse than trying to put on a brave face for other's benefit. If the guests are only coming for a film and chill, there is no reason to assume you should make a meal for them. And if they need feeding, dh can fork out for takeaway. And he can make an effort with the cleaning and tidying, they are his friends after all. I think he is angry at your family for makng you so upset (although it isn't their fault of course) and doesn't really know how to cope with you in your understandably distressed state.

I think that going to another friend for the evening would be a good idea. If you stay upstairs pretending to be ill, they will sense the atmosphere anyway and will wonder why dh didn't tell them and cancel.

Yanbu, you have every right to be upset, and dh should support you and stop being so self centred. It's what grown-up married people do - perhaps he should remember those promises he made when he married you.

Yanbu- surely your dh has a bit of common sense? Would he rather you got upset in front of them. Hopefully he will see sense, apologise to you and support you a bit (lot) more.

Poor you. But its a bit late to be cancwelling now, surely ?
If he's just called, and thus hasn't called them already, then surely they are already geeting ready to come ?
thus, you have to do it. no ?

Yeah, it is a bit late to cancel, but these are childless friends that have often cancelled on us (understandably) with a better offer...I've never been upset about that. I'm just gobsmacked that DH is putting his 'social circle' before supporting me.
TBH I think he is avoiding the whole thing. He lost his Dad shortly before I met him and has never really dealt with it. Anything like this and he just shuts down to me. I have never experienced lonliness like this before as I always had my sister and when it was her, I had my mum.

YANBU and it is not too late to cancel. I wouldn't want to go round to someone's house when they were obviously unhappy and would completely understand that someone had had bad news.

I'd leave the house and go to the cinema or a shopping centre or a cafe and leave him to it.

Fuck feeding them and all that crap.

That's his problem.

Yeah, either cancel or go out and leave him to it.

Also, my mum has MS - it isn't always terrible and you don't immediately end up in a wheelchair upon diagnosis. She's got relapsing and remitting MS, so apart from needing to keep an eye on how much she does so she doesn't get too tired, she may go a couple of years without an attack and she will recover completely from the attack once it is over. For a while she couldn't raise her arms any higher than her shoulders but she has full mobility in her arms now. She is a bit 'clumsy' and has had a few nasty falls but she doesn't let that stop her going out and about. I hope you can speak to your mum and let her know that it isn't downhill from here on in.

Oh FFS he has just rung, all chirpy, and they are in his car. I could actually divorce him at moments like these. Utter twat. Sorry about the swearyness, normally I'm so sweet! And I have to get up early tomorrow to go on a governor course and then I'm working on Sunday. Hoo-fucking-ray.

Oh FFS he has just rung, all chirpy, and they are in his car. I could actually divorce him at moments like these. Utter twat. Sorry about the swearyness, normally I'm so sweet! And I have to get up early tomorrow to go on a governor course and then I'm working on Sunday. Hoo-fucking-ray.

And thanks Bear - sadly since going throug all this we are completely researched up, in fact that was my 'quirky' reaction to the news - "at least we've read up on it!" I'm such an idiot. God please just get me through this weekend so I can be strong and supportive again come Monday.

Why are you still there? The moment he rung me, I'd have left the house.

I do sympathise, FEARNELINEN, sounds as though your dh hasn't taken your feelings into account.

I remember years ago when dh's family were coming to stay, well a week before they were due down I unexpectedly miscarried and wanted to cancel. His mum phoned and said they'd completely understand if we wanted to put them off for a bit which was nice of her. Dh was having none of it though and said how it would be good for us and ds having them around, we didn't need to put on any sort of show etc and he'd do all the cooking!

Well they came and I made the effort to be sociable but it was hard. A "Carry On" film was on over the weekend and that was when I retreated upstairs. The constant shouting and hilarious laughter while they were watching it was too much at that time

Dh and his mum took turns to keep coming up and checking on me but I really needed to be left alone. Had no problem telling dh but I felt a bit awkward with his mum, she was being so lovely. They insisted on leaving the next day so they'd only stayed 2 nights rather than 4, they could see I wasn't really up for it.

Really hope your mum's ok though

He is beng a twat, you don't need to apologize for the swearing, it's utterly appropriate in the circumstances!

He may be trying to be helpful, if he thinks that this might cheer you up, but he's gone about it the wrong way. Telling you to fuck off is totally out of order as well.