I recently had something of a blow-up with my mother.
She brought up something that happened decades ago to me, something I have repeatedly asked her to drop and was then 'hurt' when I lost my temper over it. (I actually mentioned it as part of a thread on here). The rage, like hecate's, was hulk-like. Instantaneous, overwhelming and rather surprising.
Anyway. After a break of few weeks, she called me and asked to come round for a chat. She told me during this chat that she had found me patronising of late. I said yes, I had been- but that she had been patronising me for years, ignoring what I said to her/asked of her. I also pointed out some disparities in the way she treated me and the way she treated my sister and my brothers.
In short, I told her everything that had been pissing me off for years. And she listened!! And, I think, understood.
We have never been the kind of family who discusses things. We are polite to the point of banality. We seethe with resentment, complain to our other halves, and then seemingly brush it under the carpet, only for it to come to the boil at some later date. But my mother and I have made an agreement- we will try to say what bothers us, when it bothers us.
It's very easy (and rather rude, actually) to say people are 'wimpy and spineless', but conditioning plays an enormous part in how you deal with conflict and confrontation. If you aren't taught these skills when you're growing up, how can you be expected to know how to apply them?
Some people, also, are not naturally confident enough to speak out. This can be taught, but it takes time, and is best taught at home. But if there is a 'prima donna' in your home, then they are unlikely to want to teach you how to call them on their behaviour.
Gah. A rather rambling post, I fear. But hopefully a point can be seen in there. It's never too late to change things.