Interesting moral dilemma between dh and I

[Greensleeves]

Well, it's interesting to ME anyway, and I would be grateful for your thoughts

dh and I pool and share all money and have joint bank account

however I am fucking hopeless, need to order a new card and don't know my bank details off by heart

I want to commit to a direct debit of £2.50 per month to the "send a cow" charity as I think it's a fucking great idea

but embarrassingly I had to ask the girl who came round to come back later when dh is there so I can use his bank card to givbe her our details

so I messaged dh and he got a bit snooty and said "it's a Christian charity" (we both see this as a drawback, generally) and "I'd rather donate to Wateraid"

I see his point and I don't want to fund missionary work either, but on the other hand I think the people being offered the cow are as well able to make their own spiritual choices as I am and the cow is still a cow!

however: should he be able to veto ME from donating to a chariy of my choice, either

a) because he earns a lot more than I do, or

b) because I can't actually donate without borrowing his bank card, or

c) because only I want to and the money is shared?

If my husband wanted to borrow my card to buy something I disagreed with (e.g. Kit Kats) I would say no.

YANBU!

I decided to sponsor a child through world vision (a Christian charity).

DH and I have a joint bank account and he earns approx 5x more than I do. The only charity thing he bothered to set up is with the local wildlife trust so I figure that he needs to give more and I am doing him a favour! He totally agrees, I should add.

I am an atheist and DH prefers not to talk about it, although he is one too (scared his parents may find out I think!).

It also annoys me when Charities push their 'christian' status. I have £50 to Christian aid this year via a cheque in their little red envelope that members of the local church collect. I know the church newletter will come round congratulating all the Christian giving etc. I almost gave nothing, but then decided I was being childish. I do much prefer non religious charities though.

hairytriangle

I don't get your point.
The issue is nothing to do with their having a joint account - it is to do with their relationship.
DH and I have a joint account and actually I pay nothing into it but it is our money and if I chose to sign up to a charity then that is my choice.
It would be reasonable for him to express concerns about my spending if it was beyond our income or in some way immoral. And equally I may express concerns if he is doing the same.

But a charity choice ? None of his business

Meh. Frankly I think its rather odd for a grown woman not to have her own bank card or know her own bank account details, but hey, it takes all sorts.

oh and Matthew Parris is a prick

aaaah...runnybottom, I do have my own bank card/cheque book, but I am due a new bank card and have just not got around to ordering it yet

recently started working almost fulltime and am still adjusting to having no free time

Wateraid is a bit pants. Not necessarily the work they do is bad, but they are the biggest NAGGERS ever, they constantly mailshot me about "Would you like to donate even more?" for this that or that special cause, or try to increase my monthly amount, or sign this petition which is really a masked request for more money.

It gets on my tits .

Medecins Sans Frontieres is my other regular DD and they are fantastic, by comparison. Never ask for more money and always have lots and lots to say about their projects.

Ignore me, I'm a bitch today.

Not for reasons a) or b)

Not for reason c) either EXCEPT if that is the maximum amount that you can afford/would choose to give to charity as a couple, and therefore by choosing Save a Cow you're preventing him from donating to charity of his choice.

In which case you should find a charity you both agree on, or split the money and donate £1.25 each per month to your preferred charities.