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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not understand why I can't take my toddler

46 replies

Rocinante · 10/06/2010 12:29

on a tour of the maternity ward?

The hospital only run tours on a Sunday apparently and when the midwife asked if I was bringing anyone I answered "DH, and my toddler (DD aged 2)", to which she said that wouldn't be possible.

When I said that I didn't know who could look after her, she asked how I was planning to deal with her when I went into labour. Bit rude question I thought but fair enough - Plan is for parents to be staying round due date, but they live 150 miles away so can't just pop by to look after DD.

I'm in a bit of a huff - why shouldn't DD come?

If they ran tours during the week, this wouldn't be a problem as I could ask childminder, but on a Sunday? Now it looks like DH and I will have to turns to nip in while the other sits in the car with DD, which seems very silly.

So AIBU or are there some very good reasons DD shouldn't be allowed in with us?

OP posts:

fireupthequattro · 10/06/2010 12:55

How will you concentrate if you are having to keep your eye on your toddler? There are lots of items on trolleys to bump into, costly machinery, bottles of gas to topple over.

The risk of spreading infections - everyone has the equivalent of an open wound or C-section post birth, people are bleeding and vunerable.

Sensitivity - mothers with premmie dc's, special needs, mothers who have lost their babies all may be in the ward.

Peace and quiet - fractious new borns don't need toddlers round the place.

Privacy - people have lost enough dignity in hospital without kids climbing under the curtains etc, and yes I'm sure your child is well behaved but they can't set rules for different types of dc.

Fear - there were some horrendous noises coming from the next room, and a couple of ladies whose waters exploded over the floor, screams, crying, red faces - do you want your dc to see all that?

I agree with the others, I wouldn't bother. I never had a tour and it didn't really cause me any drama. Enjoy a peaceful family Sunday whilst you still can!

pumperspumpkin · 10/06/2010 12:55

You've had a baby before (even if not at that hospital) so I can't believe you're going to learn anything earth-shatteringly useful on the tour. And if you really want to go, it doesn't need both of you to do it so if a friend can't look after your DD, then I think your DH should stay with her.

Our hospital only allowed mother's own children to visit even after birth for hygiene, peace, etc. Also to be honest I cannot imagine a labour ward is a good place to take a child. If it's anything like our hospital, there will be women having painful contractions in the corridors (I remember stepping over one who was lying down on the stairs), and awful screams of pain. Even phoning the delivery suite to say should I come in, I could barely hear the midwife over the screaming in the background.

winnybella · 10/06/2010 12:56

Same here in France- only your other dcs can come and see your newborn, no other children under 15 or 16 are allowed.

It's a very sensible rule imo.

MintHumbug · 10/06/2010 12:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scanty · 10/06/2010 13:01

I'd say the tours are good for first timers, as I had no idea what to expect. For the second I didn't bother and it was a different hospital so unfamiliar.

Plumm · 10/06/2010 13:01

I don't understand why anyone needs to see the mat ward anyway.

biddysmama · 10/06/2010 13:02

the tours probably a good idea if you dont know the hospital...you have to walk for 10 mins and go up 3 floors in a lift (or steps obv lol) to get to the labour ward in ou local hospital..

savoycabbage · 10/06/2010 13:08

Tours are at the weekends as this is the quietest time usually. No cesarians and what not.

They might just take that into consideration more than they do mother-to-be's babysitting arrangements. Possibly.

vicbar · 10/06/2010 13:12

I understand people saying germs but surely this child will be visiting when the op has the baby ?
The only benefit I say in the ward visit was so I knew where to get a cup of teas to be honest.

ChazsBarmyArmy · 10/06/2010 13:14

The main reason I went was to find out how you got to the labour ward esp at night. When I was having DS2 there was a screamer (frightened teenager it turned out) giving birth at the same time. I remember thinking afterwards "I hope to God there weren't any first-timers on a tour at the time".

It think it would have been utterly terrifying for a toddler.

DaisymooSteiner · 10/06/2010 13:31

Not necessarily vicbar. As I said all children are banned from all the maternity wards at the unit near me, including siblings.

DaisymooSteiner · 10/06/2010 13:34

Maybe you could get your dd a biohazard suit so she's not an infection risk?

pinkmagic1 · 10/06/2010 13:40

Like some others have said, you have had a baby before and even if it was at another hospital you will find the labour ward pretty much the same.
I was a 'screamer' as you put it Chaz, also a swearer, when I was having my 2nd and I wouldn't have wanted a small child to hear all that! Have a day out instead.

TheBoyWithaSORNedMX5 · 10/06/2010 13:41

Also the point of a hospital tour is that it's a tour. Visitors go to the bed the new mother is in (perhaps the shop and the loos) and that's it. A tour offers the toddler the possibility of spreading their delightful germs far and wide accross the whole department.

swanandduck · 10/06/2010 13:45

Your dh doesn't need to be on the tour, does he? Why can't he mind your toddler?

Original poster

Rocinante · 10/06/2010 13:45

Well, there we go, IABU .

I've just had to pop out for a routine MW appointment, and asked her (probably should have done that before posting on here!) and she reiterated what most of you have been saying. She also said that it's the only hospital in the region to still be doing tours - most are virtual now.

I still want to go though - we're newish to the area (hence not many people I could reasonably ask to look after DD), DH has never been near the hospital and I would like to have an idea of what to expect - e.g. how many birthing pools, what are the rooms like etc. I know I don't need to, but if they offer a tour, I'll take it.

Anyway, thanks for your replies. I am now de-huffed.

OP posts:

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 10/06/2010 13:50

Germs. Small chldren are more-or-less teeming pools of infection waiting to happen

And there may well be women in there screaming and bleeding and swearing loudly and so forth, or emergency teams rushing around the place for crash c-sections (there may well not be, either, but they don't know in advance). If you want to traumatise your DD so that you never have grandchildren, it could be ideal...

CaptainUnderpants · 10/06/2010 13:56

Wouldn't have wanted a toddler to hear me scream when I was in labour with DS , would have frighten the life out of them and certainitly wouldn;t have wanted them to hear me tell my Dh to F**k off !

ChazsBarmyArmy · 10/06/2010 14:13

Pinkmagic1 - there are "screamers" and there are "screamers". This girl outdid any horror movie I have ever seen. She was in the next bed to me afterwards so I had a good chat to her. She was really nervous with the baby as well. The reason for her terror - nobody in her family had told her what to expect at all (Mum, aunts etc). I think she was naive and sheltered and totally unprepared. I felt quite sorry for her.

Hai1988 · 10/06/2010 15:51

i agree with the other posters that said why do you need to tour the ward, when ur in labour i dont think it bloody matter what colour the walls are lol, i remember being offered this when pg but i just politely said there was no need.

If you really wanted to go then like the others said you could just look without dh and maybe arrange for dh to go other time if poss if he really wants to.

Agree with the other its probably part germ worries and part disturbance.

BritFish · 10/06/2010 16:22

savoycabbage: "They might just take that into consideration more than they do mother-to-be's babysitting arrangements. Possibly."

oh, doesnt the entire world revolve around people's childcare arrangements? silly me

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