Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have my daughter's first birthday party on a Sunday afternoon?

28 replies

MrsWembley · 08/06/2010 11:30

My DP suddenly, completely out of the blue, decided to have a half-hour rant at me last night about the fact that DD's party is on a Sunday - this Sunday, to be precise! Now, I must stress that he has been part of most of the discussions about this party, certainly all the early ones about when and where, together with MiL, at whose house said party will be. At no point has he said, 'why not do it on the Saturday?' A few people will be coming a distance, but I sent the invites out a month ago and so they have had plenty of time and many opportunities to say something if they thought it odd. His main point was that it would muck people's weekends up, that those driving a long way wouldn't get home until late (8.30pm ish) and were working the next day and that as it wasn't a christening it wasn't as if we had to do it on a Sunday.

I pointed out to him (as calmly without screaming as I could) that most people doing the long drive were doing it in a day because they had things to do on the Saturday, they pretty much all have children and so won't be thinking of it as an adult party with all out to get trashed and it is a daytime thing, with no plans to go into the evening, which is what I would imagine a Saturday party would end up doing. It's kind of like the children's version of meeting up for Sunday lunch, iyswim.

I'm trying not to get too wound up about it, but right now I feel like phoning everyone and saying sorry, it's off.

OP posts:
minipie · 08/06/2010 11:36

as long as people will get home by a decent time (sounds like they will) then I don't see how it messes up anyone's weekend.

personally I'd rather go to a child's party on a Sunday rather than a Saturday.

is it possible your DH was hoping for it to develop into a more raucous adult party later on and knows that won't happen on a Sunday?

trixie123 · 08/06/2010 11:40

how odd. we are planning out DS's party for the sunday because that IS his birthday and family day time things tend to be on sundays not saturdays. Is it a Grand Prix / Test Match / significant footall event or something?

If he wants to chnage it now tell him fine and he can make the cake, tidy the house, do the food, wrap the presents etc (ie, all the things I assume you would probably do)

LunaticFringe · 08/06/2010 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LoveBeing34 · 08/06/2010 11:42

I've been to a sunday one, was very nice. Guess he just feels he's not really getting a weekend, but hey get used to it you've got kids now

Booboobedoo · 08/06/2010 11:43

Is this usual behaviour for your DP?

Sounds very odd to bring up any objections at this late juncture if he's been involved in the decision-making anyway.

When you say 'rant', was he shouting? Disproportionately angry?

Just trying to get a clear picture.

Off out for a bit now, but will check this thread later.

nelliesmum · 08/06/2010 11:46

Sounds to me like he was planning to get trashed.

Does he often treat you like this?

Shaz10 · 08/06/2010 11:47

Is your DP a fan of Algeria, Slovenia, Serbia or Ghana? They're playing Sunday afternoon in the World Cup.

PS I prefer children's parties on a Sunday. Especially the first. And he had loads of opportunity to raise this before. YANBU.

addictedisalmosthalfway · 08/06/2010 11:48

is there a football match on sunday? Or something else he's just realised he cant do?

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 08/06/2010 11:49

Of course you aren't being unreasonable - especially as he has had ample opportunity to suggest a saturday party in the planning stages.

Tell him that there is no such thing as the perfect time for a party - there will always be someone who can't make it, or someone with an early start the next day, or someone who can't get a babysitter - so all anyone can do is their best - you try to find a time that suits most people, and you try to give them as much notice as possible, and the rest is up to them.

You'll find as the baby gets older that a lot of childrens' parties happen on sundays - if you want to book something like a hall or soft play, or football party, or bouncy castle or a clown/magician etc, you will find that the weekends are very popular, so you will double your chances of getting what you want if you look at sundays too.

addictedisalmosthalfway · 08/06/2010 11:52

x-post shaz, great minds think alike!

Original poster
MrsWembley · 08/06/2010 11:55

Thank-you so much everyone. I don't think I realised until I read your kind replies how upset this has made me. Yes, Sunday does feel more like a family day, doesn't it? It is good to do something fun after getting all the chores out of the way. And yes, he probably is pissed off he won't get the raucous evening out while I go home and feed/wash/put DD to bed.

To be fair to him, he is usually ok/occasionally wonderful. But recently I have been letting him know how much he doesn't listen to me. He claims I haven't told him something but then I'll remind him of the conversation or I'll get someone else to back up the fact that I have told him. And this is a perfect example. He did apologise later (after having been outside for a fag where he would have been stewing and thinking about it) but the apology was for not listening earlier rather than for thinking Sunday was a stupid idea.

And when I say 'rant' I mean go on and on and on about it without letting me talk to him properly about it, repeating himself over and over and over again, in a not-quite-shouting-but-still-shitty voice.

OP posts:
ginnybag · 08/06/2010 12:01

England's first world cup match - KO 8.30pm saturday night.

Child's 1st Birthday party - sunday afternoon... meaning he has to be up, awake, functional and not hungover/tired from watching the match with his mates on Sat night.

And in true bloke form... he didn't put the dates together till just now... and is now annoyed and trying to get you to change it because he's had an invite to go down the pub or some such and he knows he can't take it.

Assuming he cares about football, of course.

Shaz10 · 08/06/2010 12:02

Well spotted ginnybag.

Tough noogies, DP!!

LunaticFringe · 08/06/2010 12:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

suitejudyblue · 08/06/2010 12:07

You say the invites were sent out over a month ago presumably everyone who was invited knows they have been invited to come on a Sunday and have replied accordingly.
Your DP is completely mad to think about changing it, doesn't he understand that this is how parties work ?
Unless all the invitees have turned you down it would appear that they are all happy with the date/time you have choosen.
IME people won't feel obliged to attend a 1st birtday party unless they want to.
Hope you have a great time

Original poster
MrsWembley · 08/06/2010 12:11

Actually, re comments about the footy, he can't stand it and will be glad to miss it, or at least I would have thought!!! Grand Prix he doesn't really care about either. In fact, it would be tickets to England playing at Twickenham that would really upset his schedule. But then, that would upset me too (if I had tickets too )

OP posts:
islandofsodor · 08/06/2010 12:16

YANBY. Lots of peoiple work or have kids who do activities on Saturdays (as we do). SUndays are much better!

Original poster
MrsWembley · 08/06/2010 12:28

LunaticFringe Does your DH get really pissy with you when you prove him wrong? Or does he do the decent thing and apologise? Coz this is possibly the first time my DP has

Thanks again for your support. I've got to go out for a bit but I'll check in again later if anyone else has any advice.

OP posts:
Firawla · 08/06/2010 12:38

yanbu i dont see what is supposed to be wrong with the sunday, very strange

ILovePlayingDarts · 08/06/2010 13:17

My dd's party (and Birthday) is also this sunday, and we've had no complaints at all.

Plumm · 08/06/2010 13:19

Point out that as it's England's first game Saturday evening no-one will be willing to do the long drive then in case they miss it.

Original poster
MrsWembley · 08/06/2010 15:05

Hello, back again. Thanks again for all comments. Had a chat with a friend who'd said earlier that she would have thought Saturday more normal and she told me that come to think of it, actually, yes, Sunday made more sense, for all the reasons you've all pointed out. And most of the people who are coming from a distance are my friends anyway and I'm fairly certain, in fact I know they would have told me if they thought it would be a problem. So he can still have his Saturdy night out with his mates without putting anyone's nose out.

Sorry, now I'm ranting. But it is good to get these things off my chest!

OP posts:
wahwahwah · 08/06/2010 15:07

We always seem to have family/friends birthday parties/picnics for children on a Sunday. It feels like a more relaxed day to do it.

Tell him to pick up his toys and get back in the pram.

Original poster
MrsWembley · 08/06/2010 15:17

Just seen on another thread someone else is having a problem with a DP who takes out bad moods on her. I wonder if this is all it was? It's just that he jumped on me over the phone this morning about us always arguing and I felt the need to tell him that it wasn't actually me starting the arguments. Oh god, he's calling now. Hope he's in a better mood.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsWembley · 08/06/2010 15:45

Even worse - he acted like nothing was wrong and asked if I was ok. Then, when I said I didn't know what to say, what to think even, as I didn't know what was setting him off and making him cross with me (bursting into tears, very grown-up he just said he'd talk to me later and that he was at work now (fair point well made). But nothing about how upset I am. I hate it when he's like this, it makes me go cold.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread